Parental Alienation – Page 29 – GreatCosmicMothersUnite

Detractors – Charlie Mc Cready

Many detractors hate us being happy, none more so than an alienating parent. They’ve made it their mission to make us miserable by harming the love and relationship we have with our children because they know that will hurt us the most. What kind of person does this? Not a mentally sound or particularly happy one is the answer. Sometimes, this isn’t the case; they didn’t have a miserable childhood or unresolved issues; they’re ‘just’ vengeful, disordered, dark personalities. They will typically often have narcissistic traits and be manipulative, being comfortable lying and creating false narratives, and particularly good at provoking a reaction that then becomes all the focus. ⁠

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What we need to focus on is NOT them and their behaviours. That brings us down and makes us angry and upset. It’s not easy, but it is helpful to focus on what you envisage as an amazing outcome, a future you want to create. When we’re focused on problems, we magnify them, and they can dominate our thoughts and actions. It can drive us crazy. Instead, we are better off doing things and being with people who make us happy. It lifts our vibration/mood. That brings us more of the same. Like attracts like. Like gardening, if we water our plants, they grow. But also, if we water the weeds, they grow too. When we see a weed, we can pull it out at the root, and keep going back and weeding some more, if they grow back. The weeds don’t allow the flowers to bloom as they should. We have to grow and rise above the ‘weeds’ in our lives (and you know who I am referring to, I’m sure). Whatever you love will grow. Believe you are stronger than your problems. You are beyond them already. Focus on that. Love what you can, here and now. ⁠

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Long term Trauma via Parental Alienation- Charlie McCready

Something ‘doing our head in’ (an English colloquialism) makes us depressed, disheartened, frustrated, and discouraged. Parental alienation and all its associated, complex, often long-term emotional trauma and abuse wound us mentally and can change brain functionality. There’s science behind it. The alienating parent may be operating from a traumatised mind, too, but holding people in constant fear or anxiety gives them more power to control. They also don’t care and don’t do anything about taking responsibility for what they do. This post is not about them, but what their behaviours do to others – namely the target parent, their family and the alienated child.

Most people have heard of PTSD or C-PTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder). Even after a relationship or a painful experience has ended and time has passed, memories of it can be triggered, causing a reaction of paralysing anxiety, panic attacks, grief, anger or a sense of helplessness. The experience can almost be re-lived.

So, here’s the science. When we experience trauma, the various parts of the brain are activated and respond in different ways.

The reptilian brain is the oldest part of the brain and regulates our basic survival functions such as breathing, heart rate, and body temperature. When we experience trauma, the reptilian brain may become activated and trigger our ‘fight or flight’ response, which can cause physical sensations like increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and heightened alertness. There’s a ‘no time to think’ response. But the reptilian brain can’t tell if it’s a real threat, imagined or memory-triggered.

The hippocampus is for learning, understanding, and experiencing. Memory requires much neural activity, but under the pressure of emotional/narcissistic abuse or a traumatic experience such as parental alienation, cortisol can be damaged, impacting the neurons. The attention becomes fixated on the emotions and thoughts triggered by the stress, limiting the ability to deal with new information. So, when angry or sad, our mind becomes primarily focused on anger or grief and struggles to let other thoughts in.

The amygdala is the emotional part. Our response to a stressful situation can be based on similar childhood experiences. When we experience trauma, the amygdala may enlarge and become overactive and cause us to feel intense emotions like fear, anxiety, or panic. This can result in a heightened sensitivity to potential threats and a tendency to respond defensively or impulsively. Something said irrationally or ‘without thinking’ is the amygdala’s fault!

The prefrontal cortex is the conscious, logical mind, responsible for about 15% of our decision-making and it is essential for our overall well-being. It doesn’t reach maturity until after the teen years. When we experience stress/trauma, the prefrontal cortex ‘tunes out’, and becomes overpowered by the amygdala and reptilian brain, even shrinking in size, making it harder to think clearly, make decisions, or regulate our emotions. This can impair memory, attention, planning, and problem-solving. It can lead to depression, ‘burn out’, and our minds going ‘blank’ during times of stress.

Exposure to stress in childhood can lead to anxiety/PTSD, depression, immune dysfunctions, and other medical issues. As adults, coping mechanisms can become unhealthy (substance abuse, toxic relationships etc) leading to increased stress. Fortunately, there are things we can do, benefits from exercise which increase neurogenesis (production of new brain cells) and it can lift the mood. Being around loving, supportive people, feeling connected, and relaxing. Learning a new skill, sport or topic of interest can help too. Some swear by EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), which aims to eradicate trauma responses by eliminating dysfunctional ‘protective’ information stored. Meditation is good too, and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). This helps the short-circuiting as a result of PTSD. It’s worth looking into this if you’re interested for you or your children. I did many of these things myself. I hope this helps.

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#parentalalienationcoach

#emotionalfreedomtechnique

#traumahealing

#traumahealingjourney

#emdr

#parentalalienationawareness

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#alienatedparent

Alienating Parent & Trojan Horses /Charlie McCready

An Alienating Parent operates much like a modern-day Trojan horse, a trophy parent stealthily infiltrating and undermining the family unit from within, all while masquerading as a symbol of love and stability.

Echoing the ancient Greeks’ strategy during the Trojan War, wherein they used a wooden horse to gain entry into the city of Troy, the Alienating Parent employs cunning deception to sow discord and destruction. Like the hidden warriors concealed within the wooden horse, the Alienating Parent harbors harmful intentions beneath a veneer of warmth and affection.

Just as the Greeks exploited the Trojan’s trust with their deceptive gift, so too does the Alienating Parent exploit the trust of their family members, particularly the children, by presenting themselves as the epitome of a caring, protective and nurturing figure. Often a heroic one too, a victor – a valiant victim. Yet, behind this facade lies a calculated agenda to manipulate and control, leaving emotional devastation in their wake.

In heeding the timeless wisdom of “beware Greeks bearing gifts,” we adapt this caution to “beware the alienator hiding malevolent intent.” They insidiously corrode the bonds of trust and affection, poisoning the very essence of the family unit through deceit, lies, and covert manipulation.

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#parentalalienationawareness

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#custodybattle

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#familycourt

Pathology of Lies – Craig Childress PsyD

This is a pathology of lies.

How may times have I said that? Everything – everything – about this pathology is a lie.

Because of that, parents in your position are always trying to prove reality to people, because this pathology lies.

It lies all the time. Not some of the time… ALL the time. Really. All the time. It’s a symptom feature – all – the – time.

How do I know the pathogen is lying? Its lips are moving.

This pathology lies all the time. It’s a blend of persecutory delusion and the Machiavellian manipulation of a Dark personality.

Keep that in mind as we go forward in the world around us. This symptom feature of the pathology will be on full display. This pathology is a pathology of lies – it lies all the time.

All of it. Everything about this pathology is a lie.

You know that’s true. You just didn’t realize it was ALL the time, until you think about it… and yeah, this pathology lies all the time. Everything – everything – about this pathology is a lie.

The first thing to do with diagnosing a delusional disorder is to establish where truth is. We can’t diagnose a false belief unless we know where truth is. First, establish where truth is.

When allegations are this extreme and divergent… only ONE reality is true. Which one? Whichever one is true, the other one is false.

When allegations are this extreme and divergent, one reality is true, one is delusional. We cannot diagnose a delusional pathology without first establishing where truth is.

When serious allegations are made – it will be a serious outcome one way or the other. Either the allegation is true, which has serious implications, or the allegation is false, which has serious implications.

When allegations are this extreme and divergent, only one reality is true and the other is… psychotic… the other is delusional… the other is out of touch with actual reality.

Differences this extreme are not mere differences of opinion. There are two entirely different reality proposals. One is true. One is a lie.

Which one is true, which one is a lie?

This is a pathology of lies. It lies all the time. Not some of the time, ALL the time.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Narcissistic Alienating Parent -Charlie Mc Cready

It’s been professionally stated that the Alienator is narcissistic

Narcissism is a personality disorder. There are different types of narcissists including malignant, covert/vulnerable, noble, and classical. When the narcissistic person is enraged or their ego wounded, they react angrily, vengefully, and arrogantly … they have a lack of empathy, and they’re grandiose and superior, but at their core, they are insecure, fearful, hypersensitive, and desperately need validation from the outside world, it’s a bottomless pit. Unfortunately, they do terrible damage along the way. They also come across as confident, charismatic, and charming. They often become successful– they don’t care who they hurt to get where they want to be. These people tend to get into powerful positions – leadership positions. As an alienating parent, they want all the control. They want to eliminate the competition. They don’t care for anyone but themselves.

The noble narcissists do some good in the world and they want to be praised for it – they’ll put their name on a building, start a charity, donate funds. On the other end of the scale is the malignant narcissist – almost like a psychopath (coercive, manipulative, exploitative, even dangerous). It’s unfortunate when these people become our bosses or our partners in life. The covert/vulnerable narcissist plays the contemptuous victim role – someone (the target parent) hurt them, it’s never their fault, they are angry for their predicament because they’re better than others. The classical narcissist is the grandiose, show-off type – look at me, look at me! It’s incredibly challenging to live with, separate or divorce from a narcissist because they are out for revenge. Their ego is damaged, and their insecurities triggered. Narcissists break the rules, tear up contracts, and courts don’t pay attention if we say ‘They behaved badly; they’re narcissists’, and it can backfire on us. Narcissism isn’t greatly recognised as abuse in family courts, but they’ll be the uncompromising parent who wants to win at all costs by destroying the other parent and taking custody of the children, with little regard for the pain and suffering this will cause the children.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#narcissisticparent

#FathersMatter

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

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#divorcebattle

#childcustody

Not receiving closure – Charlie Mc Cready

In the aftermath, or during a heart-wrenching experience, we long for closure, a definitive conclusion, with all loose ends tied up and the world put to rights. Watching the end of a film, we want the villains to get their comeuppance and truth to prevail. Or we’re left feeling that the law or justice system has failed and everyone has been duped. Welcome to the world of the alienated parent! ⁠

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The reality is that, understanding why someone chose to alienate us from our children, is hard to get our heads around. It’s a jigsaw puzzle and the sense that there are missing pieces. It might help to try and accept that this is the case. Some questions may remain unanswered. It’s not a failure on our part, but rather a testament to the complexity of human behaviour, especially when fuelled by pain and dysfunction. It’s crucial to recognise that what alienating people do is more about them than us. Their actions stem from their own unresolved issues, and/or their desire to avenge a wounded ego. Understanding this helps shift the focus away from self-blame and onto the alienator’s will to hurt you from a place of hurt within themselves. Not always. But often this is the case. Their issues become our problems, but we can’t fix them. Apologies from those who engage in alienating behaviour are rare. Accepting the likelihood of no apology is a pivotal step towards letting go of an expectation that we can change them.⁠

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The only person we can truly change is ourselves. Accepting this truth grants us the power to reclaim control over our lives. It doesn’t mean surrendering to the injustice or excusing the alienator’s actions. Instead, it’s an empowering acknowledgment that our healing is within our control. It’s about releasing the grip their actions may have on our emotional well-being. It’s about cultivating a resilience that allows us to live fully despite the absence of closure. This is an ongoing process of self-discovery, self-compassion, and finding joy beyond the pain, choosing to embark on a journey of personal growth and healing, irrespective of the apology or closure we may never receive.⁠

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Unbelievable- Parental Alienation- Charlie Mc Cready

Parental Alienation is a harrowing reality that blindsides many of us. We struggle to comprehend how a parent could inflict such hurt upon their own children in order to retaliate against us, the other parent. Often, the rest of our families, too. It’s a concept that often feels unfathomable until it happens.

The signs of parental alienation can be elusive, overlooked, or dismissed due to disbelief in the severity of the situation. It’s challenging for others, too, to accept that a parent would stoop to such manipulative and damaging behaviour. The alienating parent remains obstinately convinced of their own innocence, deflecting blame onto the targeted parent while portraying themselves as the victim.

The insidious nature of parental alienation is exacerbated by the manipulative tactics employed by the alienating parent, often accompanied by traits of narcissistic personality disorder. They skillfully manipulate perceptions, painting themselves as righteous martyrs and distorting the truth to sway others to their side, including the child. They are highly manipulative and play victim/hero depending on what story they are telling and to whom.

The child, aligned with the alienating parent, becomes enmeshed in their web of deceit, making it exceedingly difficult for outsiders to discern the truth amidst the layers of lies and facade. Despite the presence of warning signs, too often, there is a lack of awareness and understanding among those involved, perpetuating the cycle of abuse and manipulation.

It’s my fervent hope that with increased awareness and education, more people will become equipped to recognise the signs of parental alienation and intervene effectively to protect the well-being of the children involved. The journey toward healing and reconciliation begins with acknowledging the reality of parental alienation and taking proactive steps to address it.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationawareness

#parentalalienation

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#parentalalienationisreal

#FathersMatter

#mothersrights

#divorce

#childcustody

Targeted Parent – It’s not you

If you’re reading my posts, it’s probably and unfortunately, because you’ve noticed that the child you’ve had a previously loving and close, happy relationship with has become very much on the other parent’s ‘side’, things have become more black/white and divided than ever, perhaps even despite your best endeavours. Your children are aligned with them, and they’re starting to turn against you, or already have turned. They’ve started badmouthing, disrespecting, fearing, and/or rejecting you. what’s probably going on is unwarranted, abusive, psychological manipulation by the other parent inducing the child into this alliance. It is not you. It is parental alienation. ⁠

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It is the alienated ‘target’ parent who asks, ‘Is it me?’ ‘Am I the problem in thinking the other parent is the problem?’ The alienating parent does not ask this; they apportion all the blame. In their minds, they’re right. They’re the best. They’re the only one a child needs. They are, of course, deluded. A child needs both parents. A child is better off with more love, not less. More family, not less. Alienating behaviours are entirely selfish, vindictive, manipulative and abusive. The difference between estrangement and parental alienation? Estrangement This is when a child severs contact with their parent for reasons they feel are justifiable. Alienation comes about through the wilful, determined action – and coercive control – of one parent against the other, which is unjustified. ⁠

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The ‘target’ parent (not the alienating one) asks: ‘How can I make things right?’ and ‘Could I have done better?’ In hindsight, had we known about ‘parental alienation’ before it happened to us, we would have been better prepared (maybe – it would still be challenging, heartbreaking and abusive). Nothing you could have done differently is likely to have made any difference at all. The only way it would have been prevented is not to be involved with a person who has personality disorders (such as narcissistic traits) or unresolved issues that typically got triggered (by conflict, separation, divorce). You didn’t know what they were capable of doing – hurting their child to hurt, control, and/or punish you. Forgive yourself. You had done your best in extremely difficult circumstances you did not see coming. It’s usually already happening for some time by the time it’s visible to us – though often not to others, especially because the child becomes enmeshed, aligned, and trauma-bonded. Alienating behaviours involve emotional manipulation, false narratives, coercive control, triangulation, gaslighting, virtue signalling, the silent treatment, cognitive dissonance, shared persecutory delusions, projection, and hostile, aggressive parenting, and it is an attachment pathology and psychological, emotional and financial abuse. It is child psychological abuse too. It is not you.

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Peace – Charlie McCarthy

It’s not easy but it’s possible to find a peaceful state of mind, even when all around you is chaotic and turbulent. It can feel like fighting your way through to the eye of the storm and then taking it easy, watching it all swirl around you. Observe quietly. Don’t engage. Stay centred. You are the centre of your universe. ⁠

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I picture each of us being like an orchestra. With some people, you find harmony, and you’re in tune with them. Others, it’s a different vibration, and it’s discordant. You’re playing different instruments in different keys. Maybe it’s a question of timing. But you are your own maestro. You can conduct each instrument in your orchestra, when to be loud, when to quieten, speed up, slow down, stop, resume … And if someone comes in banging their drum, totally out of synch with your song, well, we don’t need to lose our harmony (and peace) because of one ‘out of tune’ instrument. We can remove it from our orchestra. They can go and find somewhere else to bang their drum! ⁠

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Peace comes from trusting all will be well. This is the peace that cannot be taken from you. So many things we fear, never come to pass. We can waste precious time worrying. We imagine all kinds of worst case scenarios. When traumatised, we think it absolutes like ‘never’ ‘it’s over’ and a whole lot of negative emotions too. We tend to project our past experiences into the future. If we’re not careful, we can draw what we fear closer to us. So imagine something better. Face your fears if they need dealing with in this moment, or else focus on something else. Read the Serenity Prayer. There is also immense peace in knowing you are not alone. Live with the values you want to see in the world, then you will empower what you love. Peace is possible in moments even when there’s a lot of negativity, worry and fear. It’s similar to feeling full of grief, but still be able to laugh at something funny. We can see the madness and cruelty in the world, but also the beauty and harmony. ⁠

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Children have Antennae – Charlie Mc Cready / Parental Alienation/ Child Psychological Abuse

The concept of “antennae” refers to our emotional energy and what is picked up by us and others, especially our children, in a hyper-sensitive state inflicted on them by the experience of ‘parental alienation’. They can subconsciously sense even unspoken emotions. The negative associated energy can create palpable tension and discomfort for the child. Even not fully understanding the situation’s complexities or their entrapment, they can feel – near or far – the emotional discord between their parents. This awareness can contribute to a sense of unease and confusion in the child, leading to emotional detachment. ⁠

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We often feel in ‘harmony’ or ‘in tune’ or ‘on the same wavelength’ with some people and less so with others. It’s all energy, frequency and vibration as the legendary Nikola Tesla put it. It’s the same way we intuitively understand what frequencies are compatible with us. When we’re on a ‘high vibe’ and feeling happy, an angry person might not bother us too much, but if their anger finds a match (like attracts like) with our energy, we can be triggered. That’s to say, we might have some unresolved anger. Likewise, being around happy people can be annoying when we’re upset! We’re just not in the mood! Their high vibe/joy doesn’t resonate when we’re feeling down. ⁠

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Dark personalities, people inclined towards chaos and unloving behaviour, are drawn to our love, light, empathy … These “low vibe” people can cause a disturbance in the force/the energy (getting a bit ‘Star Wars’ the mitochondria are like Midi-chlorians – the molecular power behind The Force – the tiny particles found in cells that help to make life possible). By maintaining our higher vibration, we avoid being dragged into negativity. Disengaging from dark personalities incompatible with us, they lose their power to drag us down if we remain a vibrational mismatch

We can choose where to focus our attention, empowering feelings that amplify our happiness, and we exist in moments aligned with higher vibrational love. We benefit from surrounding ourselves with people and experiences that help us rise above negative feelings, practice self-respect and self-love, and create boundaries. Letting go of negative emotions—fear, anger, grief, and anxiety—is vital for our emotional well-being. Healing involves self-reflection, seeking support, and fortifying emotional resilience, a journey that not only benefits us but contributes to a healthier environment (vibe) for our children, too. They do feel it.

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