Red Flags

THESE RED FLAGS

When you didn’t have enough care, you tend to accept the crumbs of casual attention. When you didn’t have enough of the right people nurturing your growth and encouraging you to try, you may have looked to ungrounded people to create and exalt into idealized figures. When you didn’t have real love and healthy boundaries to help you feel safe, you made poor choices which led you towards settling for less or made decisions which ushered you into hazardous places. When you didn’t have reliability, consistency, and a foundation built on living with truth, you missed the red flags of dishonesty that were planted knee-deep in terrains requiring authenticity.

When you didn’t have secure parental bonds or an early life of stability lined with trust, and then later in life you noticed these red flags, you likely believed they were subject to change or would eventually disappear or even transform into banners of integrity. You thought they could shift and switch their color and fly happily ever after, these red flags flown by those who fear intimacy; these flags hoisted by the ones with their own trauma issues, too; flags which represent the lack of the very same things you needed to recognize your individual worth.

These red flags waving somewhere in the distance, then blatantly raised were warning you not to come any closer. And these flags they held were flaring red yet overlooked early on are now firmly staked into the ground you share, and somehow have become a declaration of their unwillingness to commit to a clear and honest connection.

When you didn’t have what you needed to advise and offer guidance, you might feel like you’re on your own at learning how to avoid harmful, dangerous or toxic dynamics. Red flags show up almost right away, and because you became inured to tolerating less than what’s right for you — all the strength, confidence, and understanding that’s crucial to heed them couldn’t be applied. But just because you didn’t notice any ominous signs back then, it doesn’t mean you’ve made a pledge to put up and remain in imbalanced friendships, ill-behaved relationships, half-love marriages, disjointed partnerships, broken-boundaried family systems, or pernicious, demeaning situations.

When you didn’t have enough of the goodness you needed, you tend to feel like you’re not enough. Not enough to pursue what’s kind to you. Not enough to wait and see and take your time and hold out for what’s best for you, instead you run the risk of roaming far away from what you should have.

Rippling like signals in the wind, flags are red for everyone to see the threat ahead. And if it feels like its too late, it’s really not. It’s not too late to take whatever room you need to repair the rips and readjust the way you view and esteem your one and only heart, and use the space to practice and communicate the many sound, prioritizing ways you should be respected, loved and cared for.
—Susan Frybort

Accessibility

The image is a poem from the book OPEN PASSAGES written by Susan Frybort. The poem reads:
Know you should be loved. You should be held safe and warm inside an invested and caring heart. You should walk away from destructive and depleting forces and walk alongside calming streams. Know your dignity is deserving of the loving places you belong. Know that you matter and should be loved.

Mothering Self

May we see our mother as a human being with her own unresolved trauma and inner child pain.

May we release her scarcity mentality by having the courage to be seen and to create.

May we free the pain of her criticism by speaking words of encouragement, empowerment, and embodiment to both ourselves and other woman.

May we understand that when she engaged in relationships that harmed us, she was deeply struggling with her own self worth.

May we see her opinions, as just that, not fact.

May we know that she can only give us the grace she has given herself.

May we grieve all she could not give us and accept our anger around it.

May we witness her survival mode and shamelessly call in abundance, cooperation, and self trust.

May we breathe as she triggers the inner child within us and honor any boundary we need to establish with her.

May we have the self love to create those boundaries for ourselves and hold them even her response hurts.

May we see that those who trigger us the most mirror her traits, and use this to guide us in our healing.

May we gain more awareness that the voice in our head is primarily her voice, and that we are welcome to question it.

May we know that as adults we always have an opportunity to mother ourselves. This is our liberation #selfhealers

Faith

7 years ago my life ended.

I didn’t see a way out.

Was ready to check out.

It can’t get worse right?

Then it did.

They took my kids from me and I was a good father. It didn’t make sense until I found out it’s all about the state making money.

Then 5 years later I found a video of court corruption against my court actors and sued the state of Missouri actors.

The judge dismissed it.

“Quasi judicial immunity.” That means it doesn’t matter they committed crimes against my children and I, they are immune from liability because they work for the state.

I adapted an attitude of “you didn’t kill me then you damn sure can’t kill me now.”

Went and found a gang of fathers, mothers, and kids that had been ran over by the same system as me and found out I’m not alone.

Then one day life got better. I started rebuilding. Bro I got a long way to go.

I figured if you wanted a voice against the corrupt system, I can be part of that voice.

Life continues to get better every day. I found a quiet voice that speaks up next to me. Rebuilt a family and started working to fix the relationships the state and a vindictive ex destroyed.

You did me a favor all those years ago and threw me in the trash. I found my people down here and we found our worth. We started to get really loud and built something. We ain’t done yet.

My life isn’t for everyone. It is where I was supposed to be. When you hit that point, nothing can hold you back.

Rest. We’ll help carry you until you can go again on your own.

Don’t ever quit on yourself.

We got stuff to do and things to change.

Love everyone of our fathers out there and the women that support them.

Kenneth ROSA
Media Personality