Tag: boundaries

Not Holding Space for Narcisst Distortion by Kim

It’s not our mission in life to hold space for someone’s toxic and abusive behaviors.
This doesn’t help us and it doesn’t help the toxic person.
Instead, we teach them that their seeming positive traits make up for their abuse, giving them no motivation to change.
And if you’re dealing with a narcissist, no amount of self-sacrifice will make a difference.  
Recovery includes learning–perhaps while still trying to function within the relationship–that this sort of behavior pattern likely means change is next to impossible and your efforts to maintain this disruptive relationship will likely never bear fruit for long. 
It means recognizing that, despite your repeated attempts to change yourself or the narcissist, the primary change that’s happening is the loss of your own sense of self, independence, and vitality.
In other words, you are sacrificing yourself in the relationship, not for some greater future reward, but for NOTHING.   Your efforts to maintain the relationship are effectively allowing a dysfunctional person to continue to be dysfunctional, but without suffering the natural consequences of his or her dysfunction (which would be perhaps the first step in their own healing, if it were possible).
Instead, YOU are suffering for them—enabling their continued dysfunction, even while enduring their abuse.  You’ve been acting as a buffer between your abusive partner and reality, and all the rest is just the collateral damage from your own well-meaning, but pointless, self-sacrifice.
This can be a hard pill to swallow because it effectively means giving up hope on both the relationship AND your abusive partner.  Once you’ve realized, however, that the person you thought you loved was merely a phantom conjured up by your abuser in an effort to “hook” you through your heart and manipulate you–THEN your radical acceptance of the truth about your partner puts you one step out the door.
☑️ If you’re just starting on your journey and you’re feeling discouraged, I really want to recommend the 14-day free course to you. Because this will start helping you unpack everything, giving you your life and your hope back.
Grab yours here and begin healing your life in gentle and doable ways:
👉 https://bit.ly/BeginnersRoadmap
Always thinking of you.  Xo
Kim

Cutting cords , ties to Shadow deserve to be severed


You are allowed to leave relationships. You are allowed to leave a relationship with any person, mother, father, sibling, child, boss, friend or romantic partner who is manipulating and abusing you. You have the right to protect yourself and remove these people from your life.  
Life is miserable when you live in perpetual states of confusion, fear and trying surviving on relentless hope. This is not love. Whoever is making you feel these ways is not loving you. 
 If anyone tells you that you should not cut ties with family because “life is short,” you must hold the mindset that the exact reason you did cut ties is because your life is absolutely too short to allow yourself to be continually abused by your family or any other toxic relationship in your life. You have a much better life to live.

By Sherrie

Silence

Perhaps the most important thing we bring to another person is the silence in us, **not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. 

The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment , a strength on which to build a life. 

Silence is a place of great power and healing ..


~ Rachel Naomi Remen ~


Art by Pascal Campion