Tag: estrangement

Psychological Splitting – Charlie McCarthy

Psychological splitting, also known as “splitting,” is a defence mechanism employed by an alienated child to cope with the trauma of parental alienation. This occurs when the child is coerced and subjected to unbearable pressure, similar to psychological terrorism, into believing that a previously loved parent is bad and must be rejected. The child feels torn between two opposing realities: the love they once had for the rejected parent and the need to please and pacify the aligned, ‘favoured’ alienating parent.⁠

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Despite the alienation, the child may know deep down that their rejected parent loves them and is there for them. They may have fond memories of the loving relationship they once shared, and on a subconscious level, they may retain a sense of the parent’s care and support. However, the overwhelming influence of the controlling, alienating parent causes them to suppress these feelings, creating confusion and doubt.⁠

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On a deeper level, splitting reflects the child’s alienation from their authentic self, as they are compelled to live someone else’s beliefs and thoughts to survive. The child becomes enmeshed in the parent’s trauma story, losing their sense of self.⁠

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As the healthy-minded, alienated parent, it is essential to understand that the child’s splitting is a manifestation of their coping strategy and not a true reflection of their feelings towards you. Although you may feel confused, angry, and grief-stricken, it’s crucial not to let these emotions hinder your recovery. It is challenging for the child to “de-programme” once they’ve split, and pushing them to accept your defence or truth may further distance them. They are already grappling with shame, guilt, and confusion, so it may be best not to mention parental alienation directly.⁠

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Understanding the phenomenon of psychological splitting can help recognise parental alienation’s impact on the child and how they may still harbour love and attachment to the rejected parent beneath the surface. ⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedchild

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#traumabonding

#narcissisticparent

#splitting

#psychologicalabuse

White Hats – Parental Alienation/ Charlie McCarthy

Amid gross injustice, misunderstanding, lack of support, enormous grief, and obstructed contact and communication because of a vengeful, selfish, alienating ex (and/or others), the ‘target’ rejected parent still strives towards an end to the conflict even though they’re often left with no option but to ‘fight’ in court, while valiantly trying to rebuild their connection to their much loved and missed children. These are the ones who demonstrate a genuine concern for their child’s well-being and do what they can to maintain a loving and supportive relationship, despite every effort of the alienating parent to sabotage things.’Target’ parents act with integrity and prioritise their child’s emotional needs over personal grievances, representing the epitome of selflessness and unconditional love.

We are talking about heroes.

‘White hats’ typically refers to high-level government officials or insiders who, it’s believed, are working to expose corruption in the deep state, to dismantle a global conspiracy of corruption on every level, and disordered state control and crimes against humanity. Whatever your take on this, I’m likening alienating parents to white hats here for the sake of an analogy which you know I’m partial to when writing these posts. When will people see the blatant lies and false narratives of the alienating parent? When will people know it is the target, rejected parent who stands for truth, authenticity, and love? And that the apparently loving, protective one who has positioned themselves as all powerful and the only parent needed is actually doing so much more harm than good, despite appearances.

It could be seen as a battle between good and evil, ‘white hats’ and ‘villains’ on the world stage and at home, the ‘target’ parents and alienators.

I believe love is mightier than hate. I believe ‘parental alienation’ – despite being called a pseudo-science by some, and despite us having to use terms such as ‘target’ and even ‘parental alienation’ – will one day (soon let’s hope) be widely recognised as psychological abuse, with informed and trained legal and mental health professionals donning ‘white hats’ and stepping into their role as heroes supporting and taking action to combat abuse alongside the parent heroes, like you.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#coercivecontrol

#parentalalienation

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#parentalalienationawareness

#Custody

#ChildCustody

#divorced

#FamilyCourt

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

#mothersrights

#fathersrights

#CustodyBattle

Disordered Parenting

Poisoning the minds of children against a parent will lead to devastating consequences which the alienating parent will tell everyone has nothing to do with them. It is never their fault, even as they inflict terrible suffering. The innocent children, impressionable and trusting, become unwitting victims of psychological abuse. ⁠

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Through a relentless campaign of denigration, the alienating parent plants seeds of doubt, fear and hatred in the child’s mind, distorting their perception of the targeted parent. They may fabricate lies, concoct false narratives, and manipulate events to make the targeted parent appear unworthy, unloving, or dangerous. The child, vulnerable and emotionally dependent on their parents, is coerced into adopting these beliefs, causing them immense confusion, fear, and emotional distress.⁠

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The process is insidious; it involves the alienating parent creating an illusion of superiority, making the child believe they alone are the sole source of love, protection, and care. Simultaneously, they portray the targeted parent as the enemy, someone to be feared, rejected, and avoided. The child is placed in an impossible position, forced to choose sides and reject one of their parents. It’s an unimaginable burden on a child. ⁠

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This form of psychological abuse is heinous, using children as pawns in a destructive game of manipulation and control. Recognising and addressing parental alienation is of utmost importance to protect the well-being of the children involved. Interventions that focus on early identification, therapeutic support, and the restoration of the parent-child relationship are crucial in mitigating the harm caused by this form of abuse. Legal and mental health professionals must be educated and trained to not only recognise the signs of parental alienation, but to actually act upon them. Too many people write to me about counsellors who do spot alienating behaviours, and psychological evaluations that flag problematic, disordered parenting, but still listen to the voice of the (indoctrinated) child. That is madness. It is in itself abusive. It has to change.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#custody

#parentalalienation

Common Sequence that leads to Estrangement

For me , they were distant , marriage then children brought out the primal energy and the competition, drama , control were too unhealthy to continue .

One of the most intractable problems that can lead to estrangement: sons-in-law and daughters-in-law.

The sequence above is surprisingly common in my experience, which is why I tackle it in my book, Rules of Estrangement, by asking questions like…

👉 Why does the adult child sometimes cut everyone off?

👉 What’s in it for him or her to estrange?

👉 Is there any hope for the son-in-law or daughter-in-law—can they be changed?

👉 How should a parent understand them?

Pick up your copy to learn more about it: https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Estrangement-Adult-Children-Conflict/dp/0593136861

Estrangement -PA / Charlie McCready

It’s such a ‘handle with care’ situation and often counterintuitive. But some alienated children aren’t ready to be ‘love bombed’, and sometimes the most innocent and casual contact can be twisted out of shape into ‘harassment’. This is shocking because we almost don’t recognise the child they’ve become, and the rejection is painful. We also know this is not their authentic selves. The dynamics between the alienated child and the rejected parent become incredibly complex and sensitive. Every case is unique, and individual circumstances may vary, but although we want to put things right, tell our truths, and we want to reunite and be happy with them in our lives again, we have to be so patient, and approach with empathy and caution. Some children respond to contact, or the idea of reunification, with anger. There’s a ton of guilt there. There are loyalty bonds with the ‘aligned’ parent, the lies they’ve swallowed whole, and the deeply ingrained beliefs and narratives that have been instilled in them.

It’s important to recognise that expressing love and a desire to reconnect with the child can also plant a seed of hope and may eventually have a positive impact. Over time, consistent and genuine efforts to maintain a loving connection can help the child start to question their cognitive dissonance with the alienating narratives and make their own judgments based on their experiences and observations.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#highconflictcoparenting

#custody

#parentalalienationawareness

#FathersMatter

#mothersmatter

#custodybattle

#FamilyCourt

Estranged Mom :

I’m reading more and more of targeted , estranged , abused Mom’s , state they are done ✅

No pleasing their child ; it’s a living grief / death of a child who lives

“I recently watched a program that stated, among other declines and deterioration in this world, this family breakdown-a major shift in new parenting skills, values, and beliefs are implemented. This happens roughly every 140 years or so …. Out with the old , in with the new. But my mother was from what we called an old family . She was the last. I knew my grandmother in person -both of them , great grandmother and even great great grandparents names. I know
My family tree and what dish came from who and so on. I am 58. My GG was born in the 1890s. Her mother lived with her mother and even some aunts down the line. granted new inventions changed some of the ways children were reared but I don’t believe respect and family values were tossed out. My mother respected her elders . They “got along” with other family members on both sides to keep the peace for the welfare and well being of the children. so this new generation is telling us that family is expendable? Traditions are worthless? Respect for elders is nonsense ? Keeping lines of communication open to both sides of the family is not necessary? One grandparent is plenty if needed at all? I realize a lot has changed since the wave of new technology-especially in the 80s and 90s when most of these alienators were born-but the rest?? These children are not going to know who they are, all the heritage, not to mention health issues. Why can’t they see what this is doing ? It’s completely removing the human element- limited to what they see fit. It is removing the definition of family except for theirs only. It’s teaching them everything is replaceable, even people. it’s only giving them one sided values. It’s removing the option of choice, removing different views, and it’s teaching them to find only the right view…. Based on parental judgements, And everything and everyone else is wrong if they don’t agree. I wonder what will happen another generation or two from now ? What will their grandchildren be raised to believe in. How more unattached and emotionless can they get. The parents seem to have no emotion when it comes to us except resentment. They can be nice and loving people but then again almost robotic. Cold and unfeeling. No desire to pass on history or items. No desire to learn and teach where they came from. I was told is they wanna know they’ll do a DNA test online . jeez! I’m glad I won’t be around for this future. it just makes me sad my family for generations to pride in their belongings just to pass them down to be cherished and loved . To know the story behind it all. All the effort they went to , that I WENT to, to preserve our family tree and it was tossed out like yesterday’s trash .”