Tag: child Psychological abuse

Trauma Bonds and Identification with the Alienation Abuse of parent

This is so very true , in my experience. My being in a ” chemical straight jacket ” did so much harm to already traumatizing family situation.

“Identification with the aggressor” (or defensive identification) is an unconscious defence mechanism whereby a victim of aggression and suffering (an alienated child) aligns with and behaves like someone (the alienating parent), who is more powerful, hostile, poses a threat, or cannot be overcome. In this way, an alienated child will learn to lie and manipulate as their ‘winning’ and ‘stronger’ parent does. Alignment and identification with the bully/aggressor also helps to suppress deeper feelings of guilt, vulnerability and shame. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome when a hostage feels powerless and aligns with their captor. They start to feel gratitude towards the aggressor when they are kind and (conditionally) loving. Deep down, the child/hostage will be aware that their alienating parent isn’t particularly healthy-minded or loving. The child knows, from experience, this parent is unpredictable, selfish/narcissistic, volatile, they run hot/cold – their parenting involves reward/punishment.

The children are parentified, their childhood sacrificed to the adult problems of the alienator, and their reaction to narcissistic wounding as a result of what is usually a high conflict separation or divorce. To love a parent like this the child often will ‘split’ in order to cope. To make the alienated parent the villain/baddie is to make their life easier in dealing with the painful experience of alienation, and no longer being allowed to spend time with a loving and loved parent. It’s to switch off, and totally align with the alienating aggressor. The child is actually afraid of the alienator, and they can partially conquer that fear by becoming more like them, and that pleases the alienator too, which means the child may be less abused. Also, when a child witnesses emotional, psychological (or physical) abuse of a parent, it’s intimidating, terrifying, confusing, upsetting, and as a survival tactic, they feel that it’s best for them to be with the terrorising parent, the one it seems unwise to fall out with. There will be consequences. They are afraid and feel they’ve lost one parent and don’t want to lose the other. What they see their alienating parent is capable of could be turned on them. The child ‘trauma bonds’ with the parent who poses the biggest threat. This is why the child feels negatively towards the things the alienator/aggressor is negative towards – it’s safer and easier to do so. They forget that their aggressor is really the origin of their suffering. I hope this goes some way to explain the phenomenon of why an alienated child supports, defends, loves and aligns with an abusive, mentally unstable parent while rejecting their more balanced and loving one.

The Dark Tetrad- The Core of Evil – Craig Childress PsyD

They decapitated babies and children.

Who could do that? The Dark Tetrad.

Narcissistic – psychopathic – extremely manipulative – sadistic. The core of evil.

Book, A., Visser, B.A., and Volk, A.A. (2015). Unpacking ‘‘evil’’: Claiming the core of the Dark Triad. Personality and Individual Differences 73 (2015) 29–38.

Book, A., Visser, B.A., Blais, J., Hosker-Field, A., and Methot-Jones, T. (2016). Unpacking more “evil”: What is at the core of the dark tetrad? Personality and Individual Differences, 90, 269-272.

The Dark Triad is evil. The Dark Tetrad is more evil still.

The Dark Triad and Dark Tetrad are extremely malevolent humans. The Dark personalites are in the family courts un-diagnosed and un-treated.

That is a seriously bad situation for the family courts.

The Mirror – to see that which is hidden. See the Dark Tetrad, the core of evil. It’s alive within us and it’s moving.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Family Systems- Family Pathology – Craig Childress PsyD

Some of you have understanding. You’re beginning to see the multiple layers, the multiple planes of understanding.

Family systems describes the family pathology. The DSM-5 describes the diagnostic pathology. Both levels of description will be helpful in solving the pathology.

You? You want a treatment plan – a written treatment plan. Hold on to that and don’t let go. The ONLY reason we need a diagnosis is because diagnosis always – always – guides treatment… are we treating cancer or diabetes?

But we always land on treatment. That’s the final destination for everything we do in healthcare… we fix the problem.

Diagnosis = identify
Pathology = problem
Treatment = fix it

You have a problem, a pathology. The doctors in the healthcare system identify (diagnose) what the problem (pathology) is, then we fix it, that’s the treatment part – the fixing.

You don’t need to prove something to someone. Diagnoses are given, not proven. Diagnosis is a pattern-match of the symptoms to the diagnostic criteria.

If your symptoms pattern-match to the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia… that’s your diagnosis whether you like it or not. That’s how diagnosis works.

You don’t have to prove something to someone. You did nothing wrong, it’s not your fault, bad people are doing bad things – it’s a cross-generational coalition from that description – it’s a shared persecutory from another. We need the doctors to do their job and diagnose child abuse when child abuse is present.

So we can fix it.

We always land on treatment. The only reason we need the diagnosis is because the treatment we do will depend on the diagnosis. Are we treating cancer or diabetes?

Once we know the diagnosis, then our focus becomes entirely about treatment.

The pathological parent wants to drive this into the courts and make it about custody. That’s a lie, this is a pathology of lies. This isn’t about custody, it’s about pathology, it needs treatment.

The pathological parent wants to put you on trial for being a bad (spouse) parent. Don’t let them do that. You make it about treatment instead and expose the pathology. You want a written treatment plan – for that you’ll need a diagnosis, because diagnosis guides treatment.

You shape the narrative, you shape the movement. You’re actually more powerful than the pathological parent. They’re pathological, you’re not. They only have lies, you have the truth.

Keep your footing in the barrage of lies – this is a pathology of lies.
Lies gain early traction when everyone is uncertain. You know the truth, you remain certain.

You know where the truth is. Don’t activate into your insecurities. You need a plan. You need a treatment plan. Make it a written treatment to make sure it’s clear.

Do you want an example of a written treatment plan? A school IEP for special education services. It has Goals identified in measurable ways, it has Interventions specified for each Goal, it has estimated Time Frames for achieving the Goal, and it has Outcome Measures to monitor progress and Goal accomplishment.

The schools give written treatment plans all the time, you can’t qualify for special education services without an IEP (Individual Education Plan). Written treatment plans are common throughout healthcare… except here in the family courts.

And understand this… the patient should NEVER have to explain the pathology to the doctor. That should NEVER happen. But it’s happened here. That’s how bad things are. The patients must explain the pathology to the doctors. That is so bad.

But it’s the reality of your world as you try to rescue your child. So… the family systems description is to explain the pathology, the diagnostic description is to formally diagnose it – and the DSM-5 diagnosis of concern is V-995.51 Child Psychological Abuse.

I’m not your warrior. I’m your weapon. I’m the established professional knowledge you need to protect your child. You’re the warrior. Don’t be lazy, learn what you need to learn. Make a plan. Execute the plan. Don’t trigger into your fears and insecurities.

You’re fine. This is a pathology of lies. You need a plan, a written treatment plan.

You just need support… how about a weapon? That sounds like a plan to me.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857