Tag: child Psychological abuse

Navigating No Contact – Charlie McCready

Your extended family may simply not understand you. They might believe it’s in everyone’s best interest that you reconcile with your ex-partner. ‘For the sake of the children’, they say! All they know is that you’re struggling and the children have cut off, or distanced themselves from you, and perhaps from them too. They don’t understand what’s really going on, and to be honest, most of us were blindsided by it too, having never heard of ‘parental alienation’ until it was happening to us, our partner or someone we know.⁠

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Going no contact and having unsupportive family members is not for the faint of heart. If you find yourself reading this post, know that you are taking a massively courageous step in your life. You are understanding and coming to accept this is where you’re at. Just because your family members don’t understand why you are going no contact, doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. And if they’re not willing to try to understand, it’s not your job to explain or justify yourself. You’ve got enough going on just dealing with all this. When we protect ourselves from narcissistic people, we often discover the chameleon nature of the narcissist and see how in their other relationships, they may be present yet another facade. Extended family members may know the narcissistic in your life is a pillar of the community or great fun or ‘successful’ or charming or whatever it is, but this is just the front, the Hollywood facade. This is partly why extended family members and friends may not understand it from your point of view, and may wrongly think you’re being overdramatic or selfish. You are not. You are being self-protecting. This is a huge difference. Remind yourself that those who have your back or want to understand will. Those that do not will reveal their closed mindedness or personal agenda to you. Taking care of ourselves sometimes means going against the grain. It sometimes means doing things radically differently than the status quo. It also can entail trusting our intuition over the words of others and staying firmly rooted in our boundaries. I send you courage and love. Stay strong. ⁠

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationawareness #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissist #narcissists #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticrelationship #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticpersonality #narcissism #narcissismawareness #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienated #alienatedfather #alienatedchild

Unbelievable- Parental Alienation- Charlie Mc Cready

Parental Alienation is a harrowing reality that blindsides many of us. We struggle to comprehend how a parent could inflict such hurt upon their own children in order to retaliate against us, the other parent. Often, the rest of our families, too. It’s a concept that often feels unfathomable until it happens.

The signs of parental alienation can be elusive, overlooked, or dismissed due to disbelief in the severity of the situation. It’s challenging for others, too, to accept that a parent would stoop to such manipulative and damaging behaviour. The alienating parent remains obstinately convinced of their own innocence, deflecting blame onto the targeted parent while portraying themselves as the victim.

The insidious nature of parental alienation is exacerbated by the manipulative tactics employed by the alienating parent, often accompanied by traits of narcissistic personality disorder. They skillfully manipulate perceptions, painting themselves as righteous martyrs and distorting the truth to sway others to their side, including the child. They are highly manipulative and play victim/hero depending on what story they are telling and to whom.

The child, aligned with the alienating parent, becomes enmeshed in their web of deceit, making it exceedingly difficult for outsiders to discern the truth amidst the layers of lies and facade. Despite the presence of warning signs, too often, there is a lack of awareness and understanding among those involved, perpetuating the cycle of abuse and manipulation.

It’s my fervent hope that with increased awareness and education, more people will become equipped to recognise the signs of parental alienation and intervene effectively to protect the well-being of the children involved. The journey toward healing and reconciliation begins with acknowledging the reality of parental alienation and taking proactive steps to address it.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationawareness

#parentalalienation

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#parentalalienationisreal

#FathersMatter

#mothersrights

#divorce

#childcustody

Targeted Parent – It’s not you

If you’re reading my posts, it’s probably and unfortunately, because you’ve noticed that the child you’ve had a previously loving and close, happy relationship with has become very much on the other parent’s ‘side’, things have become more black/white and divided than ever, perhaps even despite your best endeavours. Your children are aligned with them, and they’re starting to turn against you, or already have turned. They’ve started badmouthing, disrespecting, fearing, and/or rejecting you. what’s probably going on is unwarranted, abusive, psychological manipulation by the other parent inducing the child into this alliance. It is not you. It is parental alienation. ⁠

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It is the alienated ‘target’ parent who asks, ‘Is it me?’ ‘Am I the problem in thinking the other parent is the problem?’ The alienating parent does not ask this; they apportion all the blame. In their minds, they’re right. They’re the best. They’re the only one a child needs. They are, of course, deluded. A child needs both parents. A child is better off with more love, not less. More family, not less. Alienating behaviours are entirely selfish, vindictive, manipulative and abusive. The difference between estrangement and parental alienation? Estrangement This is when a child severs contact with their parent for reasons they feel are justifiable. Alienation comes about through the wilful, determined action – and coercive control – of one parent against the other, which is unjustified. ⁠

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The ‘target’ parent (not the alienating one) asks: ‘How can I make things right?’ and ‘Could I have done better?’ In hindsight, had we known about ‘parental alienation’ before it happened to us, we would have been better prepared (maybe – it would still be challenging, heartbreaking and abusive). Nothing you could have done differently is likely to have made any difference at all. The only way it would have been prevented is not to be involved with a person who has personality disorders (such as narcissistic traits) or unresolved issues that typically got triggered (by conflict, separation, divorce). You didn’t know what they were capable of doing – hurting their child to hurt, control, and/or punish you. Forgive yourself. You had done your best in extremely difficult circumstances you did not see coming. It’s usually already happening for some time by the time it’s visible to us – though often not to others, especially because the child becomes enmeshed, aligned, and trauma-bonded. Alienating behaviours involve emotional manipulation, false narratives, coercive control, triangulation, gaslighting, virtue signalling, the silent treatment, cognitive dissonance, shared persecutory delusions, projection, and hostile, aggressive parenting, and it is an attachment pathology and psychological, emotional and financial abuse. It is child psychological abuse too. It is not you.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #parentalalienationischildabuse #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissist #narcissists #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissisticpersonality #alienatedchild #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienated #alienatedmother

Projection – Charlie Mc Cready

His last sentence..

Projection is a defence mechanism described in psychoanalytic theory where people unconsciously attribute their own undesirable traits, emotions, or impulses to others. In the case of alienating parents, this defence mechanism operates in the context of their relationship with the other parent, usually in the context of a divorce or separation.

When an alienating parent engages in projection, they project their own negative feelings, beliefs, or traits onto the other parent without acknowledging or addressing these aspects within themselves. For example, an alienating parent who harbours feelings of anger, resentment, or inadequacy may project these emotions onto the other parent, accusing them of being angry, hostile, or unfit as a parent. By projecting their own negative traits onto the other parent, the alienating parent seeks to deflect responsibility for their own emotions and behaviours while simultaneously vilifying the other parent.

This projection can contribute to the erosion of the child’s relationship with the targeted parent, as the child may internalise the negative perceptions projected onto the targeted parent by the alienating parent. Additionally, it can perpetuate a cycle of conflict and animosity between the parents, further complicating efforts to co-parent effectively and amicably.

Addressing the phenomenon of alienating parents projection requires a multifaceted approach, and it would ideally include therapy for the alienating parent so they could understand what they are doing, and the harm caused to, not only the other parent (which is probably their intention) but also their child. Unfortunately, as they project and not believe themselves to be the problem, they typically do not seek out this help. And tragically, the legal and health professionals don’t often enough recognise this behaviour so that therapeutic interventions aimed at facilitating healthy communication and co-parenting dynamics might be put in place. As I often repeat, this has to change, and ‘parental alienation’ needs to be recognised as a mental health crisis that causes spousal and child psychological abuse. It is a non-gendered, and global issue, and projection is just one of many alienating behaviours which should be identified.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#projection

#alienatingbehavior

#alienatedchild

#divorce

#custodybattle

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#parentalalienationawareness

#FathersMatter

#mothersrights

#familycourt

Charlie McCready – Turn the Page /Parental Alienation

The heartbreaking and frustrating thing for alienated parents is that we can’t force our children to see things from our point of view or, at the very least, to see things in a more balanced way. We crave justice, and it is hard to resist trying to tell them right from wrong, to tell them our truth, to teach them that this (parental alienation) isn’t the way a loving parent behaves, that we love them, we want them in our lives, we’re not who they’ve been led to believe we are, and that we grieve for the lost time, and lost love. Unfortunately, if we put this to them too soon, too much, and they’re not ready to hear it (they may never be completely), we risk pushing them away. They don’t (want to) see their alienation or that they’ve been in any way complicit. They were acting in the only way they knew how to survive the nightmare situation their alienating parent put them in. They’ve listened to mistruths and fictions about us. It is a test of patience and love, waiting for them to wake up from this nightmare and see the light. So, we have to learn to accept where we are. It’s not what we envisaged. It’s painful. We must adapt our parenting (or inability to parent given the circumstances) to an abnormal situation. Learning to let go of grief and anger is essential because otherwise, we stay stuck, and when we’ve not let go of that (through acceptance) it’s not going to encourage the child to be with us. Whenever and however you can, let your child feel safe, loved and supported. Let them feel heard (and wait for the time to be right for you to be heard). It’s extremely challenging to see the way they behave, reject and criticise and where they’ve become grandiose, parentified, and weaponised. Some even become abusive, and this can lead them to feel immense remorse and guilt and shame as and when they learn the truth. They can feel totally duped and betrayed when they find out. All I can suggest is to live your life, best you can today. Whenever you have the opportunity, show up in peace, with love and kindness, looks forwards, be positive. Leave the past in the past, and focus on the love and good in your life, and the present chapter you are living.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#alienatedchild

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#grief

#divorce

#custody

#childcustody

#familycourt

How someone shifts to the Dark Side – Charlie Mc Cready

There are often a lot of psychological insights that can be gleaned from books and films. In Star Wars, we see Anakin Skywalker transition into Darth Vader, providing us with insights into the psychology of those entangled with a ‘dark personality.’ What’s a ‘dark personality’? One common framework is the Dark Triad, consisting of three primary personality disorder traits:⁠

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Narcissism: Excessive self-love, a grandiose sense of importance, cruelty, and a lack of empathy for others.⁠

Machiavellianism: Highly manipulative behaviour, cunning, and a focus on achieving personal goals, often at the expense of others. ⁠

Psychopathy: A lack of empathy, remorse, or guilt coupled with impulsive and antisocial behaviour. Plus: Sadistism – it feels good when others suffer. ⁠

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Some psychiatrists believe Anakin’s shift during his teen years aligns with symptoms reminiscent of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), laying the foundation for attachment problems. As Darth Vader, he is firmly identified as a villain. Darth Sidious, representing the embodiment of evil and the dark side of the Force, orchestrates Anakin’s fall, with manipulative behaviours … as with alienating parents. Similarly, Sidious utilises psychological tactics to control, mould and weaponise the child/teenager into Darth Vader. ⁠

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Here are some other comparisons: Alienating parents often isolate children from the targeted parent – and the truth. Sidious does the same, also fostering dependency by exploiting his vulnerabilities and influencing his choices. Alienating parents exploit their children’s fears and fuel resentment. Anakin’s fear of loss and desire for power push him toward the dark side. In both cases, fear is used to control. It’s not just alienating parents; we can turn our attention to all enablers of these behaviours, and that includes, unfortunately, family courts who fail to recognise ‘dark’ behaviour. They fail to see a shared persecutory delusion in the child that then destroys the child’s attachment bond to the other parent. This is child psychological abuse, which is a DSM-5 diagnosis (V995.51). Weaponising the child is also spousal or partner abuse, and the child’s witnessing of this (DSM-5 V995.82). The pathogenic parent (often with a narcissistic/dark personality/borderline) inflicts a false (factitious) attachment pathology on the child.

The parallels between the manipulative tactics of Darth Sidious and alienating behaviours throw some light on our understanding of dark personalities and the interplay of mental health, trauma, and identity.

The key thing is: don’t fight the darkness. Don’t engage with it energetically. As often as possible, focus on what you can love, for love is the only true power in the universe. When you empower love, the darkness cannot exist in those spaces. Love is not in a galaxy far, far away. It’s in you.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #parentalalienationischildabuse #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #narcissismswareness #narcissism #narcissisticfather #narcissisticparent #narcissisticmother #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissist #narcissists #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticpersonality #narcissisticrelationship #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienated

Children have Antennae – Charlie Mc Cready / Parental Alienation/ Child Psychological Abuse

The concept of “antennae” refers to our emotional energy and what is picked up by us and others, especially our children, in a hyper-sensitive state inflicted on them by the experience of ‘parental alienation’. They can subconsciously sense even unspoken emotions. The negative associated energy can create palpable tension and discomfort for the child. Even not fully understanding the situation’s complexities or their entrapment, they can feel – near or far – the emotional discord between their parents. This awareness can contribute to a sense of unease and confusion in the child, leading to emotional detachment. ⁠

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We often feel in ‘harmony’ or ‘in tune’ or ‘on the same wavelength’ with some people and less so with others. It’s all energy, frequency and vibration as the legendary Nikola Tesla put it. It’s the same way we intuitively understand what frequencies are compatible with us. When we’re on a ‘high vibe’ and feeling happy, an angry person might not bother us too much, but if their anger finds a match (like attracts like) with our energy, we can be triggered. That’s to say, we might have some unresolved anger. Likewise, being around happy people can be annoying when we’re upset! We’re just not in the mood! Their high vibe/joy doesn’t resonate when we’re feeling down. ⁠

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Dark personalities, people inclined towards chaos and unloving behaviour, are drawn to our love, light, empathy … These “low vibe” people can cause a disturbance in the force/the energy (getting a bit ‘Star Wars’ the mitochondria are like Midi-chlorians – the molecular power behind The Force – the tiny particles found in cells that help to make life possible). By maintaining our higher vibration, we avoid being dragged into negativity. Disengaging from dark personalities incompatible with us, they lose their power to drag us down if we remain a vibrational mismatch

We can choose where to focus our attention, empowering feelings that amplify our happiness, and we exist in moments aligned with higher vibrational love. We benefit from surrounding ourselves with people and experiences that help us rise above negative feelings, practice self-respect and self-love, and create boundaries. Letting go of negative emotions—fear, anger, grief, and anxiety—is vital for our emotional well-being. Healing involves self-reflection, seeking support, and fortifying emotional resilience, a journey that not only benefits us but contributes to a healthier environment (vibe) for our children, too. They do feel it.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienation #parentalalienationisreal #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent #narcissismawareness #narcissist #narcissists #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissismawareness #narcissism #narcissistic #narcissisticrelationship #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticpersonality #alienatedchild #alienated #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienatedmother

Researcher in PA received award .

This is clear and solid proof of how the law , courts and society should change this ASAP

natsci.source.colostate.edu/associate-professor-jennifer-harman-receives-national-award-for-new-paper/

Mess in our legal system : Craig Childress PsyD

What a mess in our legal system.

The focus of everyone is on our legal system both as it functions and what a mess it is.

That’s good for us here in the family courts because… the family courts are a mess too.

It’s not the judges. Engoran was an honest broker who runs a trial fairly, Chutkin is an honest broker who runs a trial fairly. Merchan is an honest broker who runs a trial fairly.

Cannon on the documents trial may be biased by her political loyalties… which goes to show the system is not pure of personal motivations.

But for the most part, while recognizing possible bias issues with human judges, I’m not holding the judge’s responsible for the failure of professional psychology.

The failure is psychology’s not the court’s failure – and it’s professional psychology who’s failed – massively failed – the children, their parents, and the courts.

The courts do what the courts do, it’s the psychologists who’ve failed in their obligations. First we need to fix the broken mental health system response, and then we use the fixed mental health system to fix the broken legal system.

Two steps: one we fix the healthcare response, two we fix the legal system response based on the fixed mental health system.

We’re riding the winds of a tornado – the legal system’s swirling – wheee – let’s swirl too into changes that make things better, faster, easier, smoother, without all the fighting.

The moment a “high-conflict” triggering criteria is met, we should be routinely bumping out all the court-involved custody cases for a mental health risk assessment for child abuse to the differential diagnoses of concern for each parent – each litigant in the proceeding.

Both litigants – both parents – are making allegations of child abuse against the other. So… let’s get that properly assessed to the concerns of both litigants – both parents.

That’s easy. That’s simple. That’s better.

Just routinely bump-out high-conflict custody cases for a risk assessment to the differential diagnoses of concern – authentic child abuse – or – a shared (induced) persecutory delusion, i.e., child psychological abuse.

One way or the other it’s child abuse… so… let’s just pop it out to the mental health people for a proper risk assessment for the child abuse concerns of each litigant – each parent.

In four to six weeks we could have a returned diagnosis for around $2,500 – $5,000 with a second opinion, and I’d recommend we get a second opinion all all court-involved custody conflict assessments.

The appellate system for a disputed diagnosis in healthcare is second opinion. Rather than get a second opinion sequentially which just wastes a lot of time – get a second opinion simultaneously through telehealth (or from a case consultation group with other court-involved professionals).

We should always be getting a second-opinion on court-involved diagnoses because… we need to end the fighting surrounding these children… AND… we need an accurate diagnosis 100% of the time.

The pathological parent manipulates the court system for delay-delay-delay, all the while increasing the pathology in the child, deepening their psychological hold on the child.

This is child abuse. This is the threatened overthrow of American democracy. The legal system needs to move faster in response to child abuse. We can do that when there’s the motivation to do that.

Is the Supreme Court motivated to protect the nation?

We’re swirling in a cyclone of parallel process everywhere, a truly chaotic and turbulent flow. Hold on. Let go because there’s nothing to on to.

There are lines moving – lines of entangled meanings, lines of entangled motivations. A pathogen, like Covid of our minds, is in active inflammation within us.

It’s a pathogen we’ve seen before. Last time, we defeated the pathogen through violence. Now, this time, it’s within us rather than out there.

It’s come again to its purpose. It’s evolved since the last time. This time, instead of attacking us from the outside, it’s attacking us from the inside. It has us attacking ourselves,

The legal system is swirling. It’s time for change.

We need to protect all children from all forms of child abuse 100% of the time. We can do that when there’s the motivation to do that.

They’re not currently motivated to do that.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.

Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857