Tag: Parental Alienation

Alienating Parent & Narcissism -Charlie McCready

It has been established that in most cases an Alienator is Narcissistic.

Despite its prevalence and devastating consequences, parental alienation remains one of the most misunderstood and underreported forms of abuse, sometimes, in itself, invalidated and maligned, with dire repercussions for families, and this, in turn, damages the very fabric of our societies.

At its core, parental alienation involves a distorted and toxic manipulation of familial relationships, particularly in the context of separation or divorce. It encompasses a spectrum of abusive behaviours, from emotional manipulation and coercive control to psychological abuse and child maltreatment. An alienating parent nefariously orchestrates it, but it can also involve step-parents, grandparents and others. Far too often, it’s further enabled by anyone, including professionals in the mental health and legal space, who doesn’t recognise and understand the dynamics behind the pathology. ‘Parental alienation’ is often disguised as love and protectiveness by a caring, concerned parent. In contrast, the more mentally healthy, ‘target’ parent who seeks peaceful resolution and a form of co-parenting can be mistaken for the agitator and the problem, particularly when the ‘voice of the child’ (coached and aligned with the alienating parent) has the last word. Sometimes, the ‘target’ alienated parent doesn’t even get to share their side of things. And this very divisiveness, this black-and-white thinking, is to the advantage of the triangulating (divide and conquer) adversarial parent in an adversarial situation. This is generalising, of course; there are many grey areas, and it’s not to say the alienating parent can’t sometimes act with genuine love, and the ‘target’ parent doesn’t sometimes, especially given the injustice, grief and anger, this situation evokes, act as the more emotional parent. The alienating parent, by contrast, can come across as calm, confident, charming … and this is before we throw narcissistic traits into the mix too

Furthermore, the targeted parent, unjustly maligned and emotionally battered, often faces the isolation of not being heard and understood and a labyrinthine legal and mental health landscape. The true extent of the abuse often eludes well-meaning professionals who may inadvertently contribute to the perpetuation of parental alienation due to a lack of awareness and understanding. Mental health professionals, legal practitioners, and communities must be equipped to recognise the signs, intervene effectively, and provide the necessary resources for healing and reconciliation. It’s a false economy not to invest in a better understanding and support for those caught up in ‘parental alienation’. The repercussions extend far beyond the immediate family unit when the harm it causes impacts communities, schools, and society at large. By acknowledging and addressing this form of abuse, we could pave the way for healthier, more connected societies where the sacred bonds of family are honoured and the well-being of children is prioritised above all.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedchild

#childpsychologicalabuse

Alienator’s Perception of the World

I saw this picture on my Facebook group page. It visually portrays how we try to protect our children, and they don’t know the harm around them – which is how it should be. Long may they be children, innocent and carefree! ⁠

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Unfortunately, the alienating parent’s perception of the world as being ‘shark infested’ and dangerous is shared with the child. Namely, they’re told they should be protected from us, a loving parent. The only ‘dangerous waters’ for our child are the ones full of manipulation, emotional turmoil, fractured relationships with us, and trauma bonds with the ‘favoured’ parent. ⁠

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The child doesn’t see the trouble they’re in. They’re enmeshed and aligned with the alienating parent and may not, for some time, perceive it’s not as calm as they believe. It’s turbulent, and the psychological abuse hides beneath the surface. ⁠

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The challenge lies in bridging the gap between the children’s perception and the actual risks they face. Sadly, they have to see it for themselves. They have to tread water, trying to survive this experience and we have to as well. We have to become like lighthouses showing them the way. ⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#CoerciveControl

#selfcare

Naming pain – Parental Alienation

Most of us had never heard of ‘parental alienation’ until it happened to us. In my case, it was as a step-parent, and I knew something was wrong. Social services wouldn’t listen to me, and I understand their position, but there was zero support until the child told her teacher at school she didn’t want to return home., she was scared. Brave child, finally saying something, and thankfully all is well now (though I became a scapegoat, the abusive parent blameless …..) This was back in 2001. That’s when it started for me – a huge amount of research and many years of personal experience because I was then alienated from my children. It’s complicated, shocking, baffling, painful, heartbreaking, and incredibly isolating. So the day we find out there’s a name for it – parental alienation – is helpful. It exists (though some would like to say it doesn’t). It is something tangible, and these days, there’s a wealth of peer-reviewed research on alienating behaviours too, and sites like mine here. This is the way towards healing, through understanding the pathology, knowing it’s not you, becoming resilient and focusing on the love, not the loss and the present, not the past. Hold fast, and stay strong.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#CoerciveControl

#emotionalabuse

#traumabonding

#custody

#parentalalienation

#ChildCustody

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienationawareness

#custodybattle

Alienated Children – Lack of self love

Parental alienation can lead to children distancing themselves emotionally and physically from one parent due to the influence and manipulation of the other parent. The child’s response to this complex situation includes severing contact and adopting a defensive, even hostile stance toward the ‘target’ parent. This strategy serves as a mechanism to navigate the loyalty conflicts and psychological pressures they experience. This inadvertently compels the child to suppress their genuine emotions and authentic self, as they prioritise gaining the approval of the alienating parent to maintain a semblance of peace and stability. The child may internalise the negative narratives about themselves and their alienated parent promoted by the alienator, leading to feelings of inadequacy, guilt, self-blame, and diminished self-worth. ⁠

Children have limited perspectives. Unconsciously, they may believe that any abuse they get from their parents is deserved because it’s their fault. When ignored or their needs and interests are neglected, a child can believe it’s because they’re not good enough. Or that they’re difficult, a nuisance, a problem. If nothing is done to correct these erroneous beliefs, the child will believe they’re true, and the lack of self-worth and the general self-loathing they feel for themselves may be reinforced. It’s not the child that is the problem, but the parenting. This, unfortunately, is how dysfunctional parenting from an unhealed parent can get passed on to the child. ⁠

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These internal conflicts and loss of self-love, combined with the desire to maintain attachment to an alienating (abusive) parent, can suppress feelings for the targeted parent. This may not be forever. The love for the alienated parent can endure despite the manipulation and psychological pressures inflicted upon them. Love, as a force, can prevail over the influence of hate and manipulative abuse. ⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#emotionalmanipulation

#parentalalienationawareness

#CoerciveControl

#traumabonding

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#ChildCustody

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

#custody

#FamilyCourt

#parentalalienation

#traumabond

#childabuse

#narcissisticparent

Charlie McCready / Can’t unsee the truth – Parental Alienation

When you can’t unsee the truth, we wonder why others are so blind to it. But we can’t underestimate the coercive control and psychological abuse that’s been inflicted. A child’s perception of the alienating parent as cool, fun and protective is also really painful – and annoying – when our experience of them is quite different. ⁠

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Children naturally gravitate towards their parents’ positive traits. The child’s innate yearning for love and care from both parents can lead them, after alienation has done its worst, to idealise the alienating parent. Unfortunately, the child’s cognitive development might not allow them to fully grasp the manipulative and psychologically abusive tactics hidden behind this facade. Plus, as I said recently, the abuser doesn’t abuse every day. ⁠

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The deliberate alienation, emotional distance, ceaseless criticism, and limited and disrupted contact between the child and the ‘target’ parent can magnify the contrast between the parents. Additionally, the alienating parent strategically assumes the role of a strong and protective figure, exploiting the child’s natural need for security. By fostering this dependency, the child becomes resistant to questioning the authenticity of their perception.⁠

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The child’s unwavering belief in the alienating parent’s favourable attributes clouds their judgment, causing them to overlook or dismiss any signs of the alienator’s abusive conduct. Consequently, the child’s loyalty becomes deeply ingrained, obliging them to shield the alienating parent, even if it entails distancing themselves from the other parent.⁠

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It’s important to remember that change is possible. Over time the child can become disentangled from the manipulations, start to question things or see behaviours that jolt them out of the ‘blindness’. They have the potential to ‘wake up’ to the truth. and then they may be in the position as you, not being able to ‘unsee’ what’s been happening. ⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#familycourts

#custody

#parentalalienationawareness

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#narcissisticparent

#ChildCustody

#FamilyCourt

#custodybattle

#disneyparents

#emotionalabuse

#parentalalienation

Parental Alienation – Getting out Alive / Charlie McCready

I lived through and overcame what we commonly call “parental alienation.” Mine was (on the scale through mild and moderate) in the severe range. I endured lies, constant criticism, emotional and financial abuse, damaged property, and work suffering under the weight of the stress. For over 10 years of a so-called marriage, I faced a living nightmare. Many of us feel we can tolerate it for the sake of our children. Even if we anticipate that the madness will escalate if we leave, most of us have no idea just how far an alienating parent is prepared to go until it’s actually happening. Nor do many of us realise the weaponising and parentifying of our children may have been going on for some time already, and worse, our children are enmeshed, and don’t know they’re being psychologically manipulated and abused, and that what’s going on is disordered pathogenic parenting from the parent coercively controlling them, turning them against us. It’s heartbreaking to witness the extent of their psychological ‘splitting’ and cognitive dissonance – where they cope by viewing one parent as all good, the victim/hero, an the other as all bad, bearing the full weight of the projection and blame. It’s hard to cope with the lies, false narratives and terrible loss to ourselves, and our children (who do not even realise their loss). ⁠

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Alienating a child from a parent is psychological abuse. Alienators—whether mothers, fathers, or other family members—are abusive, destroying the natural attachment bond between a loving parent and their child. To those of you reading this because you or someone you love is enduring this tremendously challenging and needless ordeal: it can be overcome – you can survive. I did, and you can too. Focus on the present, not the past; on love, not loss. Nurturing your own well-being is essential, not only for you but also for your children. Alienated children sometimes carry a terrible burden of doubt, guilt or shame, even grief when they find out what’s actually happened. Seeing you happy, healthy, and thriving, with healthy boundaries, offers them relief and shows them the way back to a loving parent.

Whether you’re in contact with your children or not, you can get through this—and doing so is a gift both to yourself and to them. I’m here to help. My coaching is dedicated to supporting alienated mothers, fathers (sometimes with supportive partners joining us, too). Please do reach out if you’d like to learn more about the coaching I offer.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#highconflictcoparenting

#custody

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienationischildabuse

Parental Alienation- Charlie McCready

I fervently believe, especially as I’ve been through the hell known as parental alienation myself, both as a parent and as a step-parent (for over 20 years), it is an urgent mental health issue that needs recognition and attention. This distressing, heartbreaking and totally unnecessary form of spousal and child psychological abuse involves one parent intentionally manipulating a child’s emotions and perceptions, using all sorts of toxic and controlling techniques to weaken or sever their bond with the other parent. In some cases, though thankfully not all, it can have severe and lasting negative effects on the child’s emotional well-being and overall development.⁠

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Addressing parental alienation requires collaboration among mental health professionals, legal experts, educators, and society as a whole. By raising awareness about this damaging abuse, advocating for its recognition, and providing resources for parents, children, and professionals, I hope we can work towards preventing and mitigating the adverse effects of parental alienation on the well-being of children and families.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#parentalalienation

#FamilyCourt

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

#CoerciveControl

#traumabonding

#narcissisticparent

#parentalalienationawareness

Isolation- Charlie McCready

The isolation felt when we are alienated from our children is profound and layered with feelings of frustration, shock, deep grief, and anger. It’s not just the pain of this manipulated, enforced separation from our child and the constant worry about the damage being done to that precious relationship; it’s the crushing sense of powerlessness and the disbelief that someone who is meant to love your child would go to such lengths to destroy the bond with you and your child. Adding to this turmoil is the misunderstanding and even judgment from others who can’t grasp the complexity of what we’re going through. They might say, ‘Just give it time,’ ‘There must be two sides to this,’ or even, ‘At least you don’t have to deal with the teenage years!’—all in an attempt to simplify and explain (whether to us or themselves) something that’s anything but simple. Have you experienced this yourself?⁠

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Instead of comfort, these comments can intensify our loneliness and despair, making us feel even more alienated. This is why finding support among those who truly understand is vital. Being part of a community that recognises the manipulation and the injustice you’re facing can offer real empathy and validation. I hope that my daily posts, drawn from both personal and professional experience with parental alienation, provide this, as much as is possible in this forum. My aim is to raise awareness, offer solace, and remind you that you are not alone in this.⁠

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Remember, parental alienation is not a reflection of your worth or your actions. It’s a form of psychological abuse, a complex pathology, an attachment disorder. Draw strength from knowing there are others who are working to understand, and are advocating for change. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.⁠

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#narcissisticabuseawareness