The ” victim ” always
Learning you’re involved with a narcissist quickly turns into an obsession that can destroy your life if left unchecked.
Take these common inquiries, for example:
Why does the narcissist lie, even when I have proof?
What will happen if I warn the new supply?
Why can’t the narcissist finally be a decent parent?
My narcissist hasn’t hoovered me, does that mean it’s over?
How can I make the narcissist obsessed with me?
…and so on.
It may not seem like it, but obsessing about the narcissist is a great way to avoid looking at your own internal wounds and subconscious motives.
What if, instead of obsessing about the narcissist, you began to obsess about yourself. Then, your questions might look like this:
Why do I feel that I can control other people’s thoughts and behaviors?
Why do I believe my unconditional forgiveness will improve things when it hasn’t made a difference so far?
Why do I want a future with someone who lies, cheats, and abuses on a regular basis?
Why do I still want this person to like me when I know I can’t even trust them?
How will remaining in this toxic relationship affect my children?
There are real risks involved when we don’t defeat the obsession we have with narcissists. They are not elusive super-stars who can be reached through some secret trick of the mind. They are not tortured souls who need a special kind of love and devotion. There is, literally, nothing you can do to change the narcissist or the relationship you have with them.
But, there are ways you can begin to improve your own life. And it starts by turning your focus onto why you want to maintain your relationship with a person who wouldn’t care if you were run over by a bus today. They won’t care if your entire family turns against you. They won’t care if you lose a loved one. They won’t care if you’re diagnosed with a terminal condition. They won’t care if you lose everything (and they will promptly leave when that happens).
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your precious life?
If not, make sure to grab your free Beginner’s Healing Roadmap here:
Your friend on the journey,
The narcissist views you as a feeble underling; one which provides them with wonderful supply. So, though they couldn’t care less about you as a person, they don’t want to give up the fringe benefits that go along with engaging in a relationship with you…albeit it a torturous one.
They won’t let you go because you are providing them with the things they need to survive as a narcissist. These things may consist of money, housekeeping, taking over the responsibility for their adult obligations, cleaning up their many messes, staying with them while they carry on affairs, and providing them a convenient receptacle for when they need to vent all their pent-up negative energies and rage onto someone.
Therefore, it does no good for you to show your vulnerability to the narcissist and, further, why they seem to dislike you even more when you show your very human emotions.
They want the benefits without all the damage control. They want you to just be quiet about it all and go back to the person you were before you discovered who they really are.
This is why, when you try to make them see how they’re hurting you, it is utterly pointless. In fact, it’s during these moments you see into the true core of the narcissist’s personality…and it’s chilling.
Nonetheless, in your mind, you love them and have bonded with them, and so you try to humanize them, believing they must think and feel the same way you do but just have a hard time showing it.
This is not the case.
They are nothing like you and no amount of unconditional love will change this fact. When we insist on believing the narcissist is like us, we are creating a story in our minds, writing the screenplay as we go along, thinking that with enough love and compassion, we will finally break through to the narcissist’s wounded self.
This will never happen and it’s important to accept this painful truth so you go about getting over a narcissist.
Learn how narcissists hook you in, keep you hypnotized, and how you can release yourself from the narcissistic vortex by joining me in my free webinar, 7 Proven Steps to Break the Narcissistic Spell.
Isn’t it ironic?
Once you’ve caught the narcissist cheating, THEY won’t trust YOU again.
It’s like they consider it a betrayal that you discovered THEIR betrayal and will often successfully make YOU feel like the one in the wrong.
Thus begins the endurance test of blame-shifting and finger-pointing, with you as the accused. Once you discover the true character of the narcissist, you will be hard-pressed to make it through a single day where you aren’t accused of all kinds of wrongdoings… many of which are utterly absurd, but more importantly, entirely false.
Suffering from narcissistic abuse when everything you’ve tried just isn’t working can leave you feeling hopeless.
The one thing we all face after suffering through narcissistic abuse: that endless feeling of being hopelessly alone…that no one understands our struggles or heartache.
I know how you feel — I’ve been there myself – and there is almost no worse feeling in the world. The feeling that you’re in a never-ending nightmare.
But life doesn’t have to be that way.
I dug my way out of the nightmare, and you can, too, with the nurturing and transformative Essential Break Free Bootcamp – the narcissistic abuse recovery program that’s so effective, therapists are referring their own clients to it!
♡ ♥💕 Link in bio or https://bit.ly/3aPxo7N
This is where I’m at.
I’m learning where my caring, loving responsibility for another person ends.
I’m ride or die. Unwavering. Loyal like a MF’er.
But I’m not going down on your sinking ship. I’m not pulling you from your depths. If you want to heal, you will and I’m here for it. But YOU have to do your own work. I can’t do it for you.
I will hold space and witness, my light a beacon to show you the way out of the storm and darkness. It’s up to you and your free will what direction you move in, or not. Stay if you must. I’m not coming in after you though.
A Narcissist’s design and scheme to diminish and isolate people from one another – Divide and Conquer! Narcissists USE triangulation on a regular basis to shore up their fake image through compartmentalizing people and information – this keeps their lies hidden from one person to the next.