Tag: child Psychological abuse
Charlie Mc Cready
Alienating parents may appear harmless, friendly, and charismatic to the outside world. They create a false sense of security and trust, making it difficult for people to see their true character. They create a web of lies and distortions to manipulate others’ perceptions, including family courts, professionals, and even their children. Some children also see the darker side; it keeps them entrapped, obedient, and fearful (as with Stockholm Syndrome). Although the children might not always realise what they’re seeing and experiencing, it goes into their subconscious – how they see their loved, loving ‘other’ parent being treated. The children can get caught, trauma bonded in a cycle of loyalty to the alienating parent, and fear the consequences if they dare to speak up or challenge the parent’s narrative.
In Robert Louis Stevenson’s novella “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” Dr Jekyll creates a potion that allows him to transform into Mr Hyde, giving vent to his darker impulses and desires. Initially, this transformation provides a sense of liberation for Jekyll, as he indulges in the pleasures of his wicked nature without fear of consequence (may family courts hear this!) However, the transformations become involuntary over time, and he starts to lose control of his ability to revert to his original self … (sounds familiar?)
We need those in positions of safeguarding and support who are not currently fulfilling their duties because of a lack of funding, training, and understanding of alienating behaviours to see through the mask, the false narratives, and lies and be able to detect the hidden reality of the psychological abuse. Shedding light on the dark personality (cluster b typically) involved in parental alienation can empower those affected to move towards healing and recovery.
p.s. At the story’s conclusion, Dr Jekyll realises that he can no longer control the transformations, and he becomes trapped as Mr Hyde permanently …. it doesn’t end well.
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Mothering
I married an adult.. getting pregnant was not planned but a very beautiful gift for myself.. I was treated like the enemy , and blamed . I noted the detached fathering , the non interest before and after .. I didn’t plan to mother ex , but to nurture ..I consider his favorite quote , ” growing up is optional, growing old is mandatory ” .. Looking back afforded me the opportunity to note his none growth and non maturation ..
I believe in each family member having a place at the table , and to be heard and valued , but in the marriage I found myself in, I lean towards the kids should have been a priority by ex and myself .. his growth is up to him, and he just never got that .
Navigating Estrangement
The flow of natural love is destroyed by the parent who creates the Child Psychological Abuse , targeting the other parent , just for the win . The parent who is not interested in truths , only the shadow of deception, and destruction , ignoring the healthiest , the healing that is liberating .
I do feel I have taken responsibility, and I have been challenged many ways , for this closure to become a reality . Of course the most difficult challenge has been the continuing blame that affects our children from their Dad , who dodges truth and responsibility his whole life .
How to handle disrespect from an adult alienated child
So many ways , and yes I was rude . Knowing what it was early on, might have helped . However being drugged by psychiatry had side effects that interfered with my grasping the nuance of our children’s needs to a great extent .
I wasn’t aware of their day to day , they began to avoid me, which grew into shunning me , blaming me for everything .
I cannot and will not accept that from anyone . They don’t want to heal via truths or contact , which they let me know constantly .
Lots of my experience is discussed here:
Disordered Pathogenic Parenting – Charlie Mc Cready
As they grow older and gain more life experience, the alienated child may start to question the narrative that has been imposed upon them and realise the manipulation and control tactics employed by one of their parents (typically it’s a parent). They may become aware of the discrepancies between the image of the targeted parent presented by the alienating parent and the reality they observe themselves. This is why it’s so important we do all we can to remain non-reactive, calm, loving … as I cover in many of my posts.
This realisation can be a gradual process, sparked by various factors such as interactions with the targeted parent, exposure to different perspectives, or their own inner reflection. As the child starts to critically analyze the situation, they may begin to see the patterns of emotional manipulation, denigration, and falsehoods employed by the alienating parent. They may recognise the parent’s ulterior motives, such as jealousy, vengeance, or a desire for control.
Becoming aware of the disordered parenting of the alienating parent can be a transformative and emotionally challenging experience for the child. It may evoke a range of emotions, including anger, confusion, and a deep sense of betrayal. However, this awareness can also be a catalyst for personal growth and healing as the child begins to reclaim their own voice and establish their own identity independent of the alienating parent’s influence. It opens the door to the possibility of reconnecting with the targeted parent and developing healthier relationships based on truth, understanding, and mutual respect.
Hold on, my friends. Stay strong. Stay loving. Strive to be happy.
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Braking cycles of Child Psychological Abuse – Charlie Mc Cready
For the alienated child, being a cycle breaker means recognising the toxic patterns and emotional manipulation imposed on them by the alienating parent. Growing up in an environment of parental alienation, the child may have internalised false narratives about the target parent, leading to emotional distance and hostility. However, as a cycle breaker, the alienated child begins questioning these beliefs, seeking to break free and find out the truth. This process involves acknowledging the generational trauma that may have perpetuated the alienating behaviour (in the ‘aligned’ parent) and reclaiming their identity and perceptions of the target parent. By confronting and healing from the wounds of parental alienation, the alienated child can pave the way for healthier relationships and emotional well-being in the future.
For the target parent who may have (though not in all cases) entered into a marriage due to low self-worth or other unresolved issues, being a cycle breaker involves self-reflection and healing. This parent may have unknowingly perpetuated the cycle of dysfunction from their own upbringing, leading to toxic relationship patterns. As a cycle breaker, the target parent recognises the impact of their past experiences on their choices and behaviours. They take responsibility for their healing journey, seeking therapy or support to address their emotional wounds. By doing so, the target parent can transform themselves and their parenting style, breaking free from the cycle of generational trauma and creating a healthier environment for themselves and their children.
In the case of both the alienated child and the target parent, becoming cycle breakers is transformative and empowering. They pave the way for healing and growth within themselves and future generations. Through their resilience and determination, they foster a new legacy of healthier relationships, self-worth, and emotional well-being, breaking the chains of generational trauma and charting a path towards a more positive and fulfilling future.
It’s mighty!!
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Charlie Mc Cready- 22 Million Parents are targeted by Parental Alienation
According to social psychologist Jennifer Harman and her co-authors, about 22 million American parents have been the victims of behaviours that lead to parental alienation, and she urges psychological, legal and child custodial disciplines to recognise it as a form of both child abuse and intimate partner violence.
Parental alienation disrupts family dynamics and has severe psychological implications for both parents and children. The alienating behaviours perpetrated by one parental figure against the other lead to a psychological condition known as parental alienation (PA). In PA, the child aligns strongly with the alienating parent and rejects the relationship with the alienated parent without any legitimate justification. Researchers have identified thousands of alienating behaviours, which have been classified as a serious form of family violence, causing harm to both children and the targeted parent.
Recent polls have revealed that parents who feel alienated from their children are more prevalent than previously estimated. Notably, 6.7% of the alienated parents identified in the aforementioned poll had children who were moderately to severely alienated, affecting at least 1.3% of the entire U.S. population. The prevalence of parental alienation, though challenging to estimate due to the need for comprehensive family history assessments, clearly indicates that the issue is widespread and warrants attention from researchers and practitioners. These statistics underscore the urgency of addressing this issue, developing effective interventions, and supporting families to prevent and mitigate the devastating effects of parental alienation.
I agree with this quote from Harman: She says: “We have to stop denying this exists … You have to treat an alienated parent like an abused person. You have to treat the child like an abused child. You take the child out of that abusive environment. You get treatment for the abusive parent, and you put the child in a safe environment — the healthier parent.”
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Alienator are predators
Alienators are predators disguised as good parents. Only a predator would seek to destroy the bond between a loving parent their child.
Re-education for parents and professionals on the danger parental alienation creates should be mandatory.
Refusing to Co parents
A parent who refuses to Co-parent is a parent who is seeking control and what’s not in the best interest of their child.
For kids this control can be disguised as love and safety when in fact it’s alienating a parent from their child.
To get your copy of Alienated “When Parents won’t parent” click link in comment👇🏼
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