Tag: child Psychological abuse

Grieving for children

There’s a tendency sometimes to keep busy, so we don’t have too much time to wallow -it just takes us down. We fill our lives with activity and people to crowd out our racing, raging, uncomprehending minds. We’re heartbroken. We trawl through the refuge of the past, what we have left – photos, memories, reminders. We do our best to live in the present (yes, it’s a gift, and we’re grateful, but ….). We had hoped for a future, and we still do hope for that future with the ones we love very much a part of it. Not apart. A part. Our child/ren are out there. We love them. We miss them. Re-imagining the future is hard, and we could never have imagined it this way. What the hell happened? Who knew about alienation before it happened to us? We can dine out on ‘thinking positive’, and we can pride ourselves on our hearty fortitude (on the good days), but it’s with a huge dollop of reality on the side that leaves a bad taste in the mouth. This experience is traumatic and it is not for the weak-hearted/minded. Our unconditional love for our child/ren cannot be taken from us. This is true. But for all the platitudes and ‘it’ll get easier in time’ messages we get from well-intentioned people (and nobody truly understands who doesn’t experience it, however many letters they have after their name), alienation from our child/ren is no walk in the park. It is the biggest, most monumental challenge because it’s embroiled with injustice and lies and manipulation, it’s a living bereavement, it’s psychological abuse, and we worry for our child who’s been enmeshed in the disordered pathology of the alienating parent. But we have no choice but to sit with it, to be strong, and to keep sending out love, near or far. Come what may. We are not letting this experience define us. We keep the faith, we keep loving, we get up and get on with it, and we don’t quit.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationawareness

#parentalalienationawareness

#custodybattle

#FamilyCourt

#alienatedparent

#divorce

#divorcebattle

#highconflictcoparenting

#childpsychologicalabuse

Charlie Mc Cready – Happy New Year

My New Year’s resolution is to keep spreading awareness about parental alienation, to bring about positive change, to help and support those of you who are experiencing pain and suffering, to keep providing daily information, and to let all you loving, wonderful parents know it’s not your fault, it’s inflicted on you, it’s a pathology of lies, it’s abuse that must be recognized by those in positions to help, the ‘experts’ in family courts. I also want to continue providing uplifting content too. Those don’t get the same ‘likes’ and I don’t care, they’re not there for that purpose, but just for whoever needs to receive them – a bit of a virtual hug from me – you are not alone, you’ve got this, and you are stronger than you know. Grief and anger and the negative emotions that come about through this terrible experience are heavy. We must do all we can to stay light and loving, ready to welcome our child/ren into our lives at any time.

It’s perfectly fine not to feel particularly joyful during the festive season when we’re missing people (our children) we love; when we’re struggling financially, feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or dealing with difficult family dynamics. If we don’t feel like celebrating we can take time out. It’s exhausting to put on a brave face all the time. But we also must try not to focus all the time on all the drama, fear, pain and suffering. Our news keeps us low vibe too. But there is good news out there too. Look for the good news. When any feelings of shame or guilt or grief arise, immediately give yourself love and care and forgiveness. These are passing feelings, they are not you. You are love. You are not, in a spiritual sense, lost or separated from anyone you love. Or from Mother/Father/God, or whatever you want to call the source/Love. You are worthy, and you deserve to live in peace, joy, and love. And this is my heartfelt wish for you in 2024.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#alienatedparent

Web of manipulation- Alienation

Expressing your love and other emotions (anger, sadness, confusion) to your alienated child can paradoxically play into the hands of the alienating parent and exacerbate the divide. This counterintuitive nature of the situation arises due to several psychological dynamics at play:⁠

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Confirmation Bias: The alienating parent has probably already painted a negative image of you in your child’s mind. If you express your love, sadly, your child might perceive it as manipulative or insincere.⁠

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Emotional Manipulation: Alienating parents manipulate a child’s emotions, using guilt, fear, or anger to maintain control. Expressing your love openly might be misinterpreted by your child as an attempt to manipulate them (which is quite ironic). ⁠

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Fear of Rejection: Your child, under the influence of the alienating parent, might fear facing rejection or anger if they show any signs of siding with you. This fear can prevent them from openly accepting the love offered, leading to a defensive response (angry words or actions).⁠

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A Defense Mechanism: Your child, consciously or subconsciously, might align with the alienating parent to cope with the cognitive dissonance caused by the alienating behaviours. Accepting the love from you might create internal conflict, triggering anxiety and confusion.⁠

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Projection of Alienating Parent’s Feelings: Expressing love or affection towards you might trigger feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or anger in the alienating parent, leading to further manipulation and attempts to poison the child against you.⁠

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In essence, the alienated child is caught in a web of emotional manipulation, fear, and confusion. While your intentions are pure and genuine, your child’s perception is heavily influenced by the distorted narrative created by the alienating parent. It requires great patience, empathy, and understanding of the pathology to unravel the layers of manipulation and pave the way for healing and reconciliation.⁠

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #rejectedparent #rejectedmother #rejectedfather #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #FamilyLaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissistsurvivorgroup #narcissisticabusesurvivors #narcissist #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder

#narcissists #narcissisticrelationship

Holidays for an alienated parent – children

I know from personal experience that the Christmas Period can be one of the toughest times of the year for you to get through.

You will be having a unique experience of alienation, but you might be surprised how similar your concerns about Christmas are shared by many other parents just like you.

Comment below to share what suggestions you would find helpful, or where you most need help and I will answer the most frequently asked questions over the course of this week. I will also be doing top tips for things that will help you get through the next couple of weeks in a way that is better for you and better for your children.

We think you are amazing parents and want to help you. You deserve happiness in your life

charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationischildabuse #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienatedmother #rejectedparent #rejectedmother

#rejectedfather #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparenting #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticparent #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissists #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrelationship

Blame shifting – Charlie Mc Cready

The truth becomes a casualty in the hands of those who engage in blameshifting. They possess a remarkable ability to selectively narrate, focusing solely on a fraction of the complete story—a distorted version meticulously crafted to cast you/others as the antagonist. It’s never them. In this carefully curated narrative, they conveniently omit crucial details and context, emphasising only those aspects that paint you as entirely to blame.⁠

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To the children, friends, family, legal and mental health professionals, and everyone they want to get on side believing them, they portray themselves as paragons of virtue, courage, protection, and caring, overcoming immense odds. Alternatively, they’re a tragic victim. Whatever version is relayed depends on the audience they are addressing. This deliberate manipulation not only serves to absolve them of any responsibility.⁠

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They employ insidious tactics like triangulation and divide-and-rule strategies to further control the narrative. By involving third parties or pitting people against each other, they perpetuate confusion and discord, making it even more challenging to discern the truth. I’ve even heard one such person admit to me, ‘I have to remember what story I’ve told what person’. ⁠

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In truth, this process of selective storytelling and manipulative tactics distorts reality and undermines genuine understanding and resolution. By blameshifting, creating ‘muddy waters’, and sowing discord, they avoid accountability, perpetuating a cycle of deception and evasion. This is how they hope to survive in this world. It’s a cunning tactic meant to shield them from facing the complexities of reality, leaving you to grapple with the fallout of their distorted version of the truth.⁠

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #rejectedparent #rejectedmother #rejectedfather #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissistsurvivorgroup #narcissisticabusesurvivors #narcissism #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissismawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissists #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecoverycoach

Suggestibility and the Alienated Child

The line between intervention and investigation can become fuzzy through suggestibility, and its outcome manipulated when questioning a child’s truth and beliefs. People often equate children to sponges that soak up information as they grow and learn about the world around them. They are vulnerable and suggestible. Repeated questioning can make someone believe they’re not giving the ‘right’ answer. If only asked once, there’s less chance of the answer changing. An alienating parent might ask: Did you have a good time with your mum/dad? The child will not only hear the tone of voice, but if asked often, the child will understand that ‘yes’ might not be the correct answer and change it to a ‘no.’ Another technique, conscious or not, is to offer two choices (yes/no) so that the child has less chance to elaborate and the parent controls the narrative, doing most of the talking. The parent may even ask a ‘leading question’ which leans towards an established assumption or bias. All the question demands is confirmation, not conversation. In law, this is called ‘suggestive interrogation.’ Suggestive questioning elicits different answers ie. ‘How did you feel when your mum/dad hit you?’ instead of ‘What happened when the argument started?’ The first question presumes abuse. Younger children are more suggestible than older ones. They may ‘recall’ things from prompts rather than real memories. The longer they’re exposed to false narratives, the foggier their memories become (like adults too). ‘I don’t know’ should be a perfectly valid answer. A child doesn’t know. They’re confused, frightened, angry, sad – alienation from a parent is traumatic. Unreliable answers are more likely in stressful situations too. Children want to please and placate the alienating parent. So much emphasis is put on the ‘voice of the child’ in making important decisions, but this is hugely problematic because they’re so suggestible and aligned with the more aggressive, controlling (alienating) parent, and this should all be taken into account.

#suggestibility

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationawareness

#coercivecontrol

#FamilyCourt

#psychologicalabuse

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

#Fathers4Justice

#parentsrights

#custodybattle

Psychology Abuse – Charlie Mc Cready

Coercive control is a deeply psychologically abusive and manipulative tactic. Non-gendered, parental alienation encompasses tactics such as weaving false narratives and employing triangulation to limit and control communication. What’s particularly distressing about this manipulation is the transformation of these harmful ideas into shared persecutory delusions. Under the alienating parent’s influence, the child begins to believe in the targeted parent’s guilt for terrible deeds, such as abandonment or a lack of love. This emotional manipulation leaves lasting scars on the targeted parent and the child caught in the midst of this turmoil.⁠

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But why is the alienating parent so confident in their destructive actions? Firstly, the alienating parent curates a narrative that aligns with their agenda, ensuring that the child’s exposure to alternative perspectives is limited. This control extends to communication, with the alienating parent actively monitoring and restricting contact between the child and the targeted parent. This isolation reinforces the child’s dependence on the alienating parent for information and emotional support.⁠

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Alienating parents may employ emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, and fear-inducing strategies to ensure the child remains emotionally bound to them (trauma-bonded). This emotional captivity reinforces the child’s attachment to the alienating parent and discourages any thoughts of independence.⁠

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Furthermore, the alienating parent often harbours a deep fear of losing their influence over the child as they grow older. Recognising that the child’s critical thinking and capacity for independent judgment are developing, the alienating parent escalates their efforts to alienate the child from the targeted parent to maintain control. This may be worse during custody cases. ⁠

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Sometimes, alienating parents find validation and support for their actions within their social circles and even social services and mental health professionals. This external validation bolsters their confidence in their behaviour, as they genuinely believe they act in the child’s best interests.

Additionally, the lack of legal consequences for parental alienation in certain jurisdictions can embolden alienating parents. The absence of legal repercussions may lead them to believe they can continue their harmful actions without facing accountability.

Alienating parents may also be driven by deep-seated resentment or mistrust of the targeted parent. They may genuinely believe that the other parent poses a threat to the child’s well-being, fueling their determination to keep the child away.

Finally, some alienating parents excel at presenting a facade of concern and care for the child’s best interests. They may appear to encourage contact with the targeted parent as a way to deflect suspicion and maintain the appearance of cooperation, further reinforcing their confidence in their manipulative tactics.

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #rejectedparent #rejectedfather #rejectedmother #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #FamilyCourt #FamilyLaw #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivors #narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticparent #narcissism