Tag: child Psychological abuse

Personal Non Grata – Targeted parent of alienation

Becoming persona non grata is a shock to any parent who once enjoyed a close, happy, loving relationship with their child who now doesn’t want to see them or believes all sorts of lies and nonsense put in their minds by an alienating ex. Separation or divorce is an adult issue that the children are best not involved with, yet the alienating parent uses the situation to drive a wedge between the other parent and the children. It is not in the child’s best interest that their loved/loving parent becomes no more than a visitor or, worse, a stranger. I personally dislike the term ‘visitation rights,’ sometimes used. They say ‘absence makes the heart grow stronger’, but this is not the case when the alienating parents use the enforced, manipulated absence to make the divide worse and wider. But while it feels as if alienating behaviours are forever and unbridgeable, it is often the case that, upon reuniting, the past can be left where it belongs in the past. Like with an old friend, upon meeting after many years, we often find it’s as if no time has gone, and we just take up where we left off. The alienating parent doesn’t remain ‘persona non grata’ in many cases. The child’s natural instinct is to want both parents in their life. They did not ask to be alienated. It was a survival tactic on their part. What’s difficult for the alienated parent is not knowing how long the distance and time will be before their child feels free enough to be able to reconnect, and in the meantime, finding happiness and fulfilment in life. Stay strong, and don’t give up hope, my friends.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#alienatedparent

#narcissisticabuserecovery

#FamilyCourt

#childcustody

#custody

#custodybattle

#fathersrights

#mothersrights

#rejectedparent

#consciousparent

#divorcesupport

The Alienated Child – Charlie McCready

The alienated child is coercively controlled, enmeshed and trauma bonded into a confusing, frightening, upsetting and terrible experience. The drip-feeding of a negative narrative about a parent they love and who they are led to believe no longer loves them and/or has abandoned them is immensely difficult for them to process. It’s traumatic, and the alienating behaviours are like a poison entering their system and contaminating them. It is psychological abuse. In order to cope/survive, they will gradually ‘split’ (induced psychological splitting), because of the pressure to align with one parent and reject the other. Because of the indoctrination inflicted on them, subtly, and manipulatively they enter into a shared delusional mindset with the alienating parent and basically succumb. They start believing: I disown / hate / reject my mum/dad, who I loved so much. I know they’ve not actually harmed me, and they love me too, but at the same time, I hear all these things my aligned/alienating mum/dad is saying. It makes me feel protective, upset, and angry. I’m confused. I feel betrayed. This is horrible, I feel bad, and for this, I blame the parent who caused all this. They think I am being controlled but I have a mind of my own. If I have fears and doubts, I hide them. I don’t want to talk about this with anyone. If I think about it, I know deep down, I love my other parent, but I don’t want to feel anymore pain, guilt, or shame. I know what I’m doing. My ‘aligned’ parent needs me, and loves me more, and they do all they do for my sake, to protect me, because they love me. I have to reject the other parent to make my ‘aligned’ parent happy. It’s just easier like this. There must be a reason why this is all happening.

And, when the alienated child finds out the reason for ever ‘hating’ one of their parents was simply because of selfishness and disordered parenting from their apparently protective, caring, loving parent, it is a terrible sense of betrayal.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#highconflictdivorce

#divorce

#alienatedparent

#alienatedchild

#coercivecontrol

#FamilyCourt

#childcustody

#childpsychologicalabuse

#splitting

Parenting Tip : Dorcy Pruter

Despite obstacles that we may face, life is all about what you make of it. How you choose to go about each day and how you choose to face challenges, makes all the difference.

We can choose to stay stuck, or we can choose to move forward; we can choose to be upset for months on end, or we can choose to overcome the pain; we can choose to blame other factors for why we don’t take action, or we can choose to just take action ourselves. The choice is up to US!

While life can be full of obstacles and challenges, fortunately we can choose to overcome those.

We are so thrilled to be working with the Chosen Parents who are choosing to resolve their family conflict and reunite with their children, despite obstacles.

Charlie McCarthy- Coraline

This post features a picture from the 2009 animated film, Coraline, based on a book by Neil Gaiman. Coraline’s parents are preoccupied and don’t give her the attention she wants. She finds a small door in their house leading to a magical place where everything seems so much better. She’s blind to realising it’s all too good to be true. It reminds me of the ‘grass is greener’ experience when our children are lured by alienation (promises, lies, manipulation …) to leave us, we’re no longer ‘good enough’ for them. Coraline’s ‘Fake Mother’ (you can probably see where I’m going with this) turns out to not be as loving and good as Coraline initially thinks, and the story involves her attempts to escape back to the real world and her everyday parents. The fake mother is referred to as a ‘beldam’ which is a malicious woman, witch or shapeshifting demon whose goal is to lure children into her fake world so she can feed on their souls. When Coraline tries to run from this ‘alienated’ fake world, the escape tunnel becomes steeper and longer on each attempt. Some have theorised that Coraline doesn’t escape and becomes the next beldam.

As alienated parents, we long for our children to see the bigger picture and ‘escape’. They’re enmeshed in a false drama, a trauma re-enactment narrative of the ‘protective’ and ‘good’ loving parent. The child is not victimised and the target parent is not abusive. This is a pathological delusion. We have simply become part of the alienating (borderline) parent’s complex trauma, most likely from childhood. It is usually triggered by divorce – a ‘pathological mourning’ which turns sadness and anxiety into anger and resentment.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#coercivecontrol

#childpsychologicalabuse

#coparentingwithanarcissist

#divorcesupport

#childcustody

#rejectedparent

#fathersrights

#fathersrightsmovement

#Fathers4Justice

#mothersrights

#FamilyCourt

#narcissisticabuserecovery

#splitting

#familyviolence

#DomesticAbuseSupport

#divorcebattle

#custody

#traumabonding

#traumabond

#psychologicalabuse

Charlie Mc Cready – Falsehoods /Lies

The famous adages, ‘There’s none so blind as they that won’t see,’ (Jonathan Swift) and ‘What people believe prevails over what is the truth’ (Sophocles) encapsulate how people accept information aligning with preconceived notions or desires. As Anaïs Nin stated, ‘We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.’ Nietzsche believed that people need illusions, even if living a lie. Alienated parents experience traumatic grief as they witness their children falling for false narratives, coercive control, and psychological abuse. We see it in the world at large too. Some people struggle to believe their government would feed them lies and poisonous mistruths/deeds. Adolf Hitler wrote about ‘the big lie’ in ‘Mein Kampf,’ describing a lie so enormous that nobody would question it because no one would believe someone ‘could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously.’ He believed this technique was being used against Germany. Dr. Joseph Goebbels elaborated, saying: ‘If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it.’ Carl Sagan, an American astronomer, astrophysicist, was known for his advocacy of scientific skepticism and critical thinking. In his book ‘The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark,’ he wrote: ‘Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.’ He urged people to critically evaluate information rather than accepting it blindly. I also love this quote from him: ‘One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.’⁠

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Rick Hanson’s book ‘Buddha’s Brain’ suggests that even what we believe we see with our own eyes could be made up from memories, as our beliefs are created in our brains. Lies can become comfortable beliefs for those who perpetuate them. Confirmation bias leads people to accept lies that align with preconceived beliefs. Emotional appeal, along with repetition, can make lies more convincing, playing on a person’s fears or wishes and increasing its perceived truthfulness. ‘Herd mentality’ and influence from perceived authorities contribute to lies being accepted as truth.

The truth often comes with nuances, requiring a more profound understanding, while lies, especially simplistic ones, offer straightforward answers. Addressing this dynamic involves promoting critical thinking skills, and an openness to diverse or new perspectives. Fostering a culture of questioning, fact-checking, and understanding cognitive biases would contribute to a discerning society that values the pursuit of truth over the allure of convenient falsehoods.

I will give Sophocles the last word (which I like to believe is true!): A lie never lives to be old.

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationisacrime #parentalalienation #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissisticfather #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissist #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissism #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticabusesurvivor #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedfather #alienatedparent #rejectedparent #rejectedmother #rejectedfather

Charlie McCready- offering 9 step program for targeted parents

I will be running the 9-Step Program starting on 9th February 2024.

If you are experiencing parent alienation, this 8 week course is for you. We help you to understand how alienation is affecting your child, what support they need from you and ways that you can rebuild relationships with them. You learn to see alienation as your child is experiencing it and how to look beyond the behaviours that they are using as coping mechanisms to deal with this trauma.

You will also learn how to cope with your own experience. We help you to overcome grief, guilt, isolation, powerlessness, injustice and anxiety. You will be having your own unique experience of these emotions and we give you tools that will help you to get off this emotional restore, restoring your mental and emotional resilience.

Being a strong parent is important both for your child’s benefit as well as your own well being.

The Program starts on 9th February and has 8 Weekly modules, plus live coaching over Zoom with me. And once you have completed the Program there is a further 2 months of ongoing support, including extra live coaching to help you put what you have learnt into action.

This might be the best investment you make in 2024.

If you want to learn more, please comment below or Message be directly so we can start exploring how the Program can help your specific needs.

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationisacrime #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #FamilyCourt #narcissisticfather #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissist #narcissisticparent #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticmother #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticrelationship #narcissism #narcissismawareness #alienatedchild #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienatedmother

Tower of Destruction- Craig Childress Psy D

Imagine if you didn’t have me. You’d be in quite the spot right now.

Your only allies would be the discredited Gardner PAS people, and your only mental health option would be the forensic psychologists who are ignorant like a rock and solve nothing.

The Gardnerian PAS “experts” like Bernet and Baker are aging-out of the system. Their battles are behind them, not in front. Who’s the next generation of leadership for Gardner’s PAS model… it will die when they do and they don’t have much longer.

What happens then?

The construct of “parental alienation” is nothing but controversy and conflict for 40 years. It solves nothing, never has, never will… it was never meant to solve anything. It was bait. Look how well it worked for 40 years.

Are you listening? Do you understand? The construct of “parental alienation” was created by the pathogen as bait for you… and you took it to your own destruction… for decade after decade of no-solution.

Pablum for your motivations.

It’s not needed by the pathogen anymore now that its end-game with you has arrived. Even the pathogen’s allies of the forensic psychologists see that, and they’ve replaced it with the next pathogen-construction that’s designed to be your death… a made-up new thing they call “resist-refuse dynamic.”

That will lock you into your destruction forever… at least that was the pathogen’s… plan. A pathogen has a plan. ADHD doesn’t have a plan to be ADHD, autism doesn’t have a plan to be autism.

This pathology… has a plan. It has a motivational intent. It moves toward a purpose. Are you listening?

Nope, not yet. Once you start listening to me, I can help you solve so many problems you face… once you start listening.

It is going to take “parental alienation” away from you. First it makes you entirely dependent on a made-up thing, then it will take that made-up thing away… leaving you with nothing.

Its plan is to leave you with ONLY forensic psychologists. You’d be in quite a bit of trouble once that happens. You’d have no escape.

I tricked it.

I opened an entirely new line – clinical psychology. I’m not part of its plan.

It thought it had gotten rid of all of us clinical psychologists. That was the plan, to drive us away and isolate you. It was an excellent and well-executed plan… but it missed one.

And one clinical psychologist is all it took.

I’m a quantum fluctuation of probability – I’m a virtual clinical psychologist in the vacuum of the family courts who quantum tunneled down the rabbit hole to here where the pathogen had you isolated from rescue… and I rescued you from your isolation.

I stayed with you until we could get you out. You’re almost out, it’s inevitable now, it’s just a time-thing at this point.

That’s all it took to stop the pathogen’s plan – a pathology plans – it just took one clinical psychologist… the right one. Now look where we’re at.

You have an option – treatment not custody. You have real knowledge to rely on, Bowlby-Minuchin-Beck. I’ve explained the pathology in detail using only established knowledge, and I’m taking on the forensic psychologists who own you.

You’ll be free. We are going to get you competent mental health services that protect your child. That’s my plan.

You’re lucky I’m here. Luck was not involved.

The universe brought me here because here is where the universe wants me. If it wanted me somewhere else, I’d be somewhere else. That’s how the universe works.

It made me for this task though a lifetime. I moved on unseen lines toward an unseen goal. I have background in attachment – family systems – delusional thought disorders – child abuse and complex trauma, I’m just what the doctor ordered to fix your problem.

I’m perfectly suited to meet the needs of the situation. I’m a piece in a puzzle that unlocks your prison of here.

I’m the only one who could solve your problem… and I wasn’t here… until I was. Just one lone clinical psychologist in forensic psychology world. That’s enough.

I’ve given you an alternative. I’ve given you the path out of your nightmare just when the pathogen shuts off all paths out. It has its plan. I have mine.

How does a pathology plan?

Do you know what one of your biggest problems is? You don’t listen to me. If you just listened to me, so many of your problems would be solved. But you-they don’t listen.

When I ask the universe why you don’t listen, it tells me it’s a symptom, and it explains the symptom to me. I’d explain it to you, but you don’t listen.

You will eventually, and when you do… so many of your problems will be solved.

The pathogen fights – about everything. Until we pass the fight-and-fight symptom we’ll be locked in the fight-and-fight process. Once we’re past it… you’ll start listening and so many of your problems will be resolvable.

Dum-dee-dum, I’ll wait.

The universe has this, of that I have no doubt. It’s telling me not to worry, it tells me that it has you taken care of and that everything is exactly where it needs to be. It tells me I should walk to a baseball game and trick fish into thinking I’m a bug.

Okay, I can do that.

I’m fully into my role now. I’m in the process of introducing myself to the legal system. I’m encountering the forensic psychologists up-close and personal. I don’t think they’ll be happy with encountering Dr. Childress for the first time.

But it won’t be the last time they will be encountering me. I’m here. I do what I do here. They’re going to have to adjust.

We’re entering a time of chaos. Look around, things are not normal. It’s the Tower of Destruction. I should explain the moving archetypes that control you, but you won’t listen.

The Tower is not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. We need ashes for the next phase. Watch. My estimate is it will take between two to five years, watch where we will be in two to five years.

The reason it’s taking so long is because I have to do it all myself. Mostly. There’s a few universal instruments being used as I am. Enough for now, that’s what the universe tells me when I ask.

Why are there no Tarasoff-range lawsuits? Where is major media?

Wait, it says. There are things that need to happen. So I wait for the unfolding of lines. I see the lines. You don’t see the lines. Sigh. Okay. I’ll wait.

Some are awakened. More are awakening. More will awaken still, it will keep growing. Only one line is connected to life, the one we’re on. The others have all been cut-off from the source. The other lines will wither and die, only one line will remain, and that line will prosper with life-and-light.

Watch.

“What about me?”

I know. We’ve lost too many. We’re continuing to lose so many. I can’t make them stop, they don’t listen… until they do. What more can I do, universe?

Wait.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

The Alienated Child – Charlie Mc Cready

The alienated child is coercively controlled, enmeshed and trauma bonded into a confusing, frightening, upsetting and terrible experience. The drip-feeding of a negative narrative about a parent they love and who they are led to believe no longer loves them and/or has abandoned them is immensely difficult for them to process. It’s traumatic, and the alienating behaviours are like a poison entering their system and contaminating them. It is psychological abuse. In order to cope/survive, they will gradually ‘split’ (induced psychological splitting), because of the pressure to align with one parent and reject the other. Because of the indoctrination inflicted on them, subtly, and manipulatively they enter into a shared delusional mindset with the alienating parent and basically succumb. They start believing: I disown / hate / reject my mum/dad, who I loved so much. I know they’ve not actually harmed me, and they love me too, but at the same time, I hear all these things my aligned/alienating mum/dad is saying. It makes me feel protective, upset, and angry. I’m confused. I feel betrayed. This is horrible, I feel bad, and for this, I blame the parent who caused all this. They think I am being controlled but I have a mind of my own. If I have fears and doubts, I hide them. I don’t want to talk about this with anyone. If I think about it, I know deep down, I love my other parent, but I don’t want to feel anymore pain, guilt, or shame. I know what I’m doing. My ‘aligned’ parent needs me, and loves me more, and they do all they do for my sake, to protect me, because they love me. I have to reject the other parent to make my ‘aligned’ parent happy. It’s just easier like this. There must be a reason why this is all happening.

And, when the alienated child finds out the reason for ever ‘hating’ one of their parents was simply because of selfishness and disordered parenting from their apparently protective, caring, loving parent, it is a terrible sense of betrayal.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#highconflictdivorce

#divorce

#alienatedparent

#alienatedchild

#coercivecontrol

#FamilyCourt

#childcustody

#childpsychologicalabuse

#splitting

Snow Queen – Charlie McCready – Parental Alienation

Walking my dog yesterday, I was thinking about The Snow Queen, a fairy tale which is essentially about the struggle between good and evil and the analogy with parental alienation.

An evil troll has invented a magic mirror that distorts the appearances of everything it reflects, magnifying only the worst and ugliest aspects and shows nothing of beauty or goodness. The troll’s friends try to take the mirror to heaven to see what God and the angels look like, but it falls to earth, smashing into millions of pieces. These splinters spread all over the earth, distorting people’s view of the world, making it seem dark and terrible, and making their hearts cold as ice.

One summer, years later, some splinters get into the eyes and heart of a boy called Kai, and he becomes aggressive, cruel, and destructive as everything and everyone now appears ugly and despicable to him. He no longer cares for his childhood sweetheart, Gerda. He meets the Snow Queen. She kisses him – once to numb him of the cold, and another kiss to forget about the past and those he loves. A third kiss would kill him … You can probably see where I’m going with this. Gerda, like a ‘target’ parent, searches everywhere for Kai. She discovers he is still alive but out of reach. On her travels, Gerda comes across a sorceress with a garden of eternal warmth and summertime and promise. It is trickery, and it holds her there, wasting her time (like family courts). It’s now Autumn, and Gerda is cold and exhausted. Her arduous, difficult journey continues with more setbacks and small triumphs emboldening her. Gerda learns that her love and pure, strong heart are all, and everything, needed to save Kai. (We are more powerful than we know!) The Snow Queen has Kai in a frozen-hearted stasis and under her control. Kai does menial tasks she sets for him. Supposedly if he finishes his tasks, he will be free, though that is not her intention. (Governments/tyrants/alienating parents). Gerda reaches Kai. Her love warms him, and the ice splinters are dislodged. He remembers Gerda. He remembers love. He is free. Everything becomes as it ever was. He sees beauty in life again, and it’s as if no harm or cruelty had ever happened.

What is interesting and different about this tale is that the glass splinters don’t ‘infect’ everyone (like Gerda, not all children are alienated). Kai wasn’t to blame for his behaviour when it was bad – it was circumstantial. He was unlucky to get the shards of ice in his system. Also, of note, neither the troll nor the Snow Queen gets their comeuppance, but once justice and love have overcome them, they hardly matter.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#narcissisticabuseawareness

#rejectedparent

#FamilyCourt

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

#familyviolence

#divorce

#childabuse

#custody

#custodybattles

#childcustody

#psychologicalchildabuse

#coercivecontrol

Foxes guarding the hen house – Charlie Mc Cready – Parental Alienation

“The fox guarding the hen house” is an idiom which evokes the imagery of a potentially harmful situation where those in authority might exploit their entrusted responsibilities, just as a fox, an animal known to prey on hens, shouldn’t be assigned the duty of protecting the hens it might be tempted to sacrifice for their own good. In the context of ‘parental alienation’, the family court system, and the role of mental health professionals, this idiom resonates deeply with the struggles faced by alienated parents who often lack robust support from those placed in positions of authority and guidance. It suggests a huge conflict of interest. It could also be that the alienating parent is the fox. They present themselves as protective, when in fact, they are just looking after their own interests. They exploit their connection to their child, they manipulate the child’s perception of the world outside ‘the henhouse’. The child does not perceive the danger they’re in. ⁠

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In either of these scenarios, the fox becomes symbolic of those who exploit their authority or positions of trust, potentially causing harm to the well-being of children and families. ⁠

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There is a need for unbiased risk assessments, collaborative solutions, and a commitment to the well-being of all parties involved. It cannot be taken at face value that there’s ‘parental alienation’ or ‘domestic abuse’ and those in positions of power and safeguarding need to be able to determine what’s really going on. We need vigilance, fairness, and objectivity, with those in positions of authority understanding alienating behaviours and acting with the utmost integrity and empathy, ultimately safeguarding the well-being of families and children caught in these complex dynamics.⁠

#charliemccready #9stepprogram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienation #parentalalienationisacrime #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissist #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticparents #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticchildabuse #narcissism #narcissismawareness #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #FamilyLaw #FamilyCourt #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #rejectedparent #rejectedmother #rejectedfather