Tag: Ed ucation

The Karpman Drama Triangle provides insights into social dynamics and conflict and identifies three distinct roles: victim, rescuer, and persecutor. These roles are interchangeable, not the actual circumstances of someone’s life but rather unconscious roles people play or manipulate others to play.⁠

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When in the victim role, people view themselves as powerless and oppressed, and they seek a rescuer. They might typically say, ‘Poor me’ and not take responsibility for their circumstances. If the person they think might save them fails to do that, they may now consider them a persecutor. In the frame of parental alienation, the alienating parent might have thought you could somehow save them and then blame you for not doing so if the relationship ended in divorce. The children may become their rescuers, which is when they become parentified (as well as weaponised). ⁠

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Rescuers are keen to help and care for others, often neglecting their own needs. They want others to feel better. They say: ‘I want to help you!’ This is a codependent role; some look for a victim to help validate themselves and feel good about themselves. But this role leaves them feeling overworked, tired, caught up in martyr-complex, sometimes harbouring resentment. They may hope they will be rewarded and taken care of themselves later. They fear abandonment. ⁠

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Persecutors assume a controlling, authoritarian role, exerting power over others, typically the victim or scapegoat. It’s never their fault. They get angry, issue threats, and oppress through domineering and bullying tactics. They shout and cause conflict but don’t solve the problems themselves. These warring people believe the world is hard and they need to be tough to survive it. They take no responsibility for the harm they may cause others – it’s their fault! What they fear most is being seen as weak, feeling helpless, or being a victim. The persecutor is the alienating parent.

The drama triangle is interesting in terms of identifying unhealthy family dynamics. People can switch roles and perpetuate the drama. Until they take responsibility for the part they’ve played. Unfortunately, alienating parents will refuse accountability or work towards co-parenting. But ‘target’ parents can empower themselves and refuse to be victimised – the pathology is the problem, not them. They can initiate self-care and be their own saviour. Children, as rescuers, can reclaim their autonomy and authenticity and see the difference between helping and enabling. Rescuers can empower rather than enable.

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