Tag: distorted

NPD – Lying is Easier than Truth

Narcissists lie about everything. They even lie about things they don’t “need” to lie about.

Everything about them is so utterly dishonest, that they lie without even saying anything. Their whole existence is based on smoke and mirrors.

Some of them turn lying into an Olympic sport just for the amusement they receive from duping people. They also do it because if they can perceive other people as stupid, then that makes them bright (by standards of the narcissist, of course).

And guess what? Catching them in a lie will not change anything. They will lie about covering up lies and lie more to cover up those lies.

Think of their lies as nesting boxes…a tiny lie inside of a small lie, inside of a medium lie, inside of a big lie, inside of a colossal lie. You get the idea.

Nor will they feel any remorse for their lies. For them, lying is no different than fixing a sandwich or putting gas in their car. Lies are just a means to an end. The only time you will hear them “apologize” for lying is when you prepare to leave them. Not because they are remorseful. It’s because they see the prospect of adult responsibilities staring them in the face.

In a relationship with a narcissist, it always happens the same way.

You discover they’re a pathological liar, usually after they have begun to devalue you. So, the fact that they can’t open their mouth without lying adds to the resentment that’s already building.

From my own experience, that resentment isn’t entirely directed toward the narcissist. We begin to resent ourselves. However, our egos don’t want this realization to rise to the surface of our conscious minds. Our egos tell us, “You can make this work. You can change him/her. All you need to do is be nice to them, and they will go back to the person you fell in love with.”

There’s only one problem with that. The person you fell in love with never existed. It was all a lie.

It’s probably the biggest lie we come to acknowledge about the narcissist.

Consider my popular free 14 Day Recovery Course that includes educational resources to help you identify exactly what you are dealing with, help you stop doubting yourself over your decision to heal your life, and show you what steps to take to overcome this torment:

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The Narcissistic Parent

2 moved from hometown , leaving the shame of a ” crazy” Mom and a Dad that was exposing his love in expressions of himself , traveling , dinning , buying expensive cars , moving to a part of town I had refused due to schools and crime .

The absolute delight derived in dividing , and conquering in a non stop competition, ongoing after 2 plus decades .

Of course as a target , and former ” mental patient ” , anything I said or did was seen as character ..Not Trauma , Not Abuse , Not addictive and toxic RX ..

The foundation of shaky ground denying a balanced partnership included the constant triangle or 3rd person , beginning with the matriarchal as his choice for happy as he walked away , was a gal in such distortion that her vicious behavior and words confirmed her mental health issues. Mirrors of each other , united in my total and complete destruction.

Coming to was a hoilicost of recall and clarity , reading the divorce contract was a complete and utter farce , allowing him control of my finances.

The post nuptials I have no idea of , the charges I placed expunged to ” no fault ” , our lawyers had been partners ( no conflict according to the Bar ; plenty of conflict if I searched for representation .

After 3 lawyers and judicial renderings that supported the abuses , with the bonus of shame that I show up without council .

Depleting my income, ignoring my need to address the side effects physically , of trauma , abuse and neglect our last 5 years , of course I’m responsible .

Legally responsible for my own health care .

Responsible for my own legal fees .

Huge blow back from discoveries, especially financial that address the responsibility of the party/ partner who committed fraud , even legal.

I had 30 days in 2001, to read and comprehend the divorce contract . I was a medicated mental patient , which never has been allowed in civil court .

However , our last court , was made aware of the high conflict , malignant relationship he insist on maintaining .

I was asked if I wished to question him.

No

Unfortunately he is separated from the truth . There’s no point in asking questions; he lies .

The court was informed that I do experience Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Far from a mental illness , awareness is lacking in legal / law enforcement, and has unfortunately destroyed the lives of many children, leveraged in retribution that has no end .

I am clear on what’s going on .

I did not agree to be the dumping ground for his unhealed trauma or a cover so his life looked normal .

Over 20 years of his being the victim that survived and thrived of whom I still want vengeance ever more .

A very recent experience pertaining to business , has revealed much ,that demands closure , a cutting of cords .

Sadly I realize and accept our 3 sons are still in energy of hatred and I’m their monster in their closet , lacking in everything, especially money .

Which is the point of his vengeance… I should never be allowed the freedoms , deserved with salary, home , health care or a relationship because he looses …as his target , he feeds on my challenges , without me he must find another supply .

Ignoring all the nudges from Divine , he in fact digresses.

Fact to face , 2 weeks ago , I had to agree to meet for a cash gift .

As we drove to meet him , I grew concerned that he carried a gun .

My reality is never knowing what he might do . Not enough for a protective order ..

Though his intentions are clear .

Watching , needing to know all with secrets that include my siblings , horrific disregard for vows made, ignoring universal law or karmic justice.

No closure , no periods at the end of sentences decades old , he holds his rage and it shows in his eyes, in his body , in his words .

Trust lost long ago , no more allowances for illegal acts .

Cord Cut .

I’m Thankful , and realize this will include ” his ” children and grandchildren who choose their own path as adults , preferring to ignore me in all ways .

I have not been tempted to act or be as he expects to be allowed contact or relationships with children

He has been informed and has ignored any responsibility for the physical and emotional and mental wellness of his children.

His WAR is not mine , should not be our children’s.

Intimate Partner Violence, ongoing is my reality, and I intend to do all I can to extract myself from the bonds that bind finding no cooperation exist ; only more targeting and secrets and lies .

The triangle 🔺️👌still present , exalted elder , until death they are bonded …matriarchal secrets carried within a destination less than heavely.

Regrets ; His mask was 95% in place and I had no reason to question his presentation, until I became pregnant and a year later became a married single patent and leverage for his partner whom he shared his angst at my forcing a child on him .

The blame game was done in shadow , in secret but I knew it all around me .. with lulls that I held as ” normal” striving to balance our family , to be enough for an insatiable need, want , desire that had no boundaries and still doesn’t.

UNCLE

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/08/when-the-narcissist-is-the-parent/

Childress; trauma psychologist

I’m going after the licenses of the ignorant, incompetent, and unethical forensic psychologists. I don’t think they’re going to like that.

They worked hard for their licenses. They had to complete all the requirements for the doctoral degree, including a dissertation. Then they had to complete two full years of supervised practice before they’re even allowed to sit for the licensing exam. Then they have to pass the licensing exam covering all the psychology knowledge they ever learned. Then they get their license. That’s a lot.

And I’m going to take that all away from them and end their careers in professional psychology. That’s not a nice thing to do to them, to take their license away.

They are participating in the psychological abuse of the child because of their negligent malpractice – they are ignorant, lazy, incompetent, and unethical. As a result, they collude and participate in the psychological abuse of the child and the targeted parent.

DSM-5 V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse
DSM-5 V995.82 Spouse or Partner Abuse, Psychological

I’m not from here. I’m not from this court-involved custody pathology world. Look at my vitae. I’m a trauma psychologist out of child abuse and foster care. I’m here to protect children from child abusers – from the child abusing forensic psychologists who are here exploiting the vulnerabiligy ov targeted parents for financial gain.

They deserve to lose their license to practice for being ignorant, incompetent, unethical, child abusers. We have duty to protect obligations. To participate in the psychological abuse of the child is a huge failure in duty to protect obligations. They are the child abuser.

I don’t think the forensic psychologists are going to like me. That’s okay, I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to protect children and their parents from psychological abuse. I know exactly where I am and I know exactly what I’m doing.

I have developed an assessment protocol for this court-involved attachment pathology, supported by the established scientific and professional knowledge of the discipline (Foundations; Childress, 2015).

The assessment protocol involves two data-documentation instruments – the Diagnostic Checklist for Pathogenic Parenting and the Parenting Practices Rating Scale. If more was needed, I would have developed more. Clearly documenting the child’s symptoms and the parenting practices of the targeted-rejected parent is all that’s needed.

This is not the first time I have developed an assessment protocol for a forensic pathology. I served as the Clinical Director for a team of psychologists tasked by the Department of Justice and FEMA with developing a national model for the assessment of juvenile firesetting behavior, a court-involved forensic mental health pathology.

The Executive Director for the team was Dr. Fineman, a forensic psychologist and the world’s leading expert on juvenile firesetting behavior. We had Dr. Patterson on the team as the Organizational Development psychologist to help implement the assessment protocol into the fire agencies. We worked under the aupices of the Orange County Fire Authority through grants from DOJ and FEMA.

I’m not a puffy-vitae psychologist. I’m too busy working to worry about getting stuff on my vitae. But there’s stuff. I’ve worked at high-levels of clinical psychology throughout my life, on major NIMH research projects with the leading experts in their respective fields – Nuechterlein, schizophrenia – Swanson, ADHD – Fineman, juvenile firesetting.

My role on the DOJ/FEMA project was to develop the assessment protocol, I was the clinical psychologist on the team, my responsibility was developing the actual assessment protocol itself. Dr. Fineman was the content expert, Dr. Patterson was implementation. I was responsible for developing the assessment protocol.

Our project produced some paper presentations to professional organizations. I don’t worry about puffing up my vitae, so I kind of lost track of citations and stuff because I was busy doing things to solve things.

I’ve never really applied for jobs. I was recruited out of Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles to join the ADHD in preschooler project of Jim Swanson. I was recruited by the DOJ/FEMA project to develop the assessment protocol for that. I was recruited to be the Clinical Director for a three-university assessemnt and treatment center for children in foster care.

I didn’t apply for any of those positions, they recruited me. People who work with me know what I can do and they tell other people, “You should get Childress for that.” So my vitae is sort of secondary. I’m not a puffy vitae, I’m a working guy.

Of note is that I have worked with top-tier professionals all my life across multiple professional domains. Birds of a feather…

I was in charge of running a project call Cuidar organized by Jim Swanson, a top-tier expert in ADHD. He wanted to look into doing neuro-cogntive remediation of attention networks in the brain using specially developed computer games for preschoolers.

Dr. Swanson is THE leading expert on ADHD in the world, I’d place him at #1. But his team didn’t have Early Childhood Mental Health specialization, and working with children zero-to-five is a highly-highly specialized field. It’s a boundaries of competence issue.

I have Early Childhood Mental Health specialization (i.e., attachment and the neuro-development of the brain in childhod – I know everything there is to know about both – everything). I was brought on board as the lead clinical psychologist running the Cuidar project.

That’s what led to my fourth author position on a multi-author paper produced for this project, published in the journal Clinical Neuroscience Research (Tamm et. al., 2005).

Leanne Tamm, my colleague on the project, wrote the paper itself, so she’s first author, Jim Swanson is second author because it’s his project, Marc Lerner is third as the Medical Director of the UCI Child Development Center, I’m fourth author because I ran the project. The other authors are the various people I supervised in the project.

I ran the project reported in the journal Clinical Neuroscience Research. I had kinda forgotten we had a paper from that. I remember that Leanne was super-excited, but I didn’t much care. I was on to other things – I moved on from that project to become the Clinical Director for a three-university assessment and treatment center for children ages zero-to-five in foster care.

A few years back I was trying to locate research articles from other people that caught my interest. That’s become harder now that I’m no longer a faculty teaching graduate-level courses in psychology,

I’ve taught graduate-level courses in assessment and diagnosis, treatment models, child development, testing and psychometrics, and research design after I left the Clinical Director position and moved into private practice on my (anticipated) way to retirement.

Then I feel down the rabbit hole into here and my life-course took a different direction.

One thing about teaching – to teach a subject you absolutely have to know everything about that subject. That’s the importance of a faculty position on the vitae – what courses did you teach? – the courses taught show the domains of knowledge. If you teach it, you absolutely know it.

I thought I was headed to private practice, guess again. Instead, I came tumbling over here into this world of forensic child custody conflict.

I had worked with Dr. Fineman, a leading forensic psychologist, on the juvenile firesetter project. I’m well-familiar with the world of forensic psychology – just not child custody confllicts until I arrived here, and even when I was previously in forensic psychology world, I remained a clinical psychologist in a forensic pathology world.

When I was looking to locate articles of interest a while back, I signed up with this online group – Academia – that tracks research on things. It tracks me. It locates whenever my name is used in research and sends me an email.

A lot of the time it’s not the same Childress. There’s a Childress in biomedicine it seems. But sometimes it is me.

That’s how I located me in the Tamm et al. article in Clinical Neuroscience Research. Then Academia located my name in the paper presentations to professional organizations generated from my work.

I’m surprised at what it can turn up, I’d kinda forgotten about them. I’m not focused on my vitae, I’ve got things to do, I’m working.

Academia recently sent me the link to two presenations I thought I’d share here on my Public Facebook Page to support my expertise with this court-involved family conflict domain. I’m a real expert in real things.

  1. The abstract from the paper presentation by Childress, Fineman, and Patterson (2006) on the Mental Heath Assessment of Juvenile Firesetting – Topic Psychology and the Law
https://www.academia.edu/59916774/The_Mental_Health_Assessment_of_Juvenile_Firesetting_Behavior

“Funded through grants from FEMA and the Department of Justice, the Orange County Fire Authority has contracted with an expert team of psychologists with nationally recognized experience in the mental health assessment of juvenile firesetting behavior, to undertake the development of a mental health assessment protocol for juvenile firesetting behavior.”

  1. The abstract from a Cuidar paper presentation by Grimes et. al, (2006) on cultural factors in parenting.
https://www.academia.edu/59916744/Impact_of_SES_and_Culture_on_Parenting_Intervention_Outcomes

“The Community University Initiative for the Development of Attention and Readiness (CUIDAR-SB) is a community-based pre-intervention education program that teaches parents how to manage preschoolers at risk for emotional and behavioral problems in a non-didactic group model called COPE (Community Parent Education; Cunningham, 1998).”

In the Grimes et al., paper presentation, Dr. Kamptner and I are the faculty mentors on this paper, the others are students we mentored. Dr. Kamptner was the Director of the Institute of Child Development and Family Relations at Cal State University, I was the Clinical Director for their clinic working with children in foster care.

I’m bringing these presenations from my earlier days days with other pathologies to general public attention here on my Facebook page to highlight an important issue – I’m an actual real expert in actual real things.

  1. This is not the first time I have developed an assessemnt protocol for a forensic court involved pathology. I have previously worked on grants from the Deparment of Justice and FEMA to develop an assessment protocol for a forensic court-involved pathology.
  2. I am an expert in parenting. The Cuidar program taught parenting skills across the multiple counties in Southern California.

I led the Cuidar program – Tamm et. al. (2005) Clinical Neurosciene Research. The Cuidar program taught parenting skills using the COPE model of small-group dynamics. I know everything there is to know about all the parnenting models out there.

Behavioral Parent Training
Brazleton’s Touchpoints
Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP)
The Wonder Years (Webster-Stratton)
Higher Purpose Parenting

I’ve read all the research on parenting. I was in charge of the university-based program that taught parenting skills to parents across the multiple counties in Southern California.

I am an expert – a real expert supported by my professional vitae – in parenting skills and parenting skills training. I know everything there is to know about parenting and parenting skills training… everything.

I am an expert – a real expert supported by my professioal vitae – in the assessment of court-involved forensic patholology.

I know exactly what I’m doing. I know exactly where I am and exactlty what the pathology is. I’m a trauma psychologist out of child abuse and foster care – this is my pathology. I’m working.

I’m here to protect children from child abusers – the forensic psychologists.

I’m peer-review from clinical psychology. I’m their worst nightmare – and I’m going after their license to practice for participating in the psychological abuse of the child and the parent. I want their license revoked for being a child abuser, because of their ignorance, incompetence, and unethical malpractice.

Standard 2.04 Bases for Scientific and Professional Judgments
Standard 2.01 Boundaries of Competence
Standard 9.01 Bases for Assessment

Failure to protect the child from child abuse (V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse).

Failure to protect the parent from IPV spousal emotional and psychological abuse using the chidl as the weapon (DSM-5 V995.82 Spouse or Partner Abuse, Psychological).

I don’t think they’ll like that. That’s okay, I’m not here to make friends. I’m working, I’m protecting my kids from child abuse. We have obligations. I know exactly where I am, I know exactly what I’m doing.

Everything – everything – I say is 100% true and correct. The forensic psychology people are participating in the psychological abuse of children because of their ignorance, incompetence, and unethical practice. I’m going after their license to practice, I want it revoked for their negligent malpractice and participation in the psychological abuse of the child and parent.

I’m an actual expert in actual real things – and I’m here for a purpose. I’m peer-review from clinical psychology. I’m their worst nightmare – knowledge applied.

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

https://www.academia.edu/59916744/Impact_of_SES_and_Culture_on_Parenting_Intervention_Outcomes