Tag: Charlie McCready

How someone shifts to the Dark Side – Charlie Mc Cready

There are often a lot of psychological insights that can be gleaned from books and films. In Star Wars, we see Anakin Skywalker transition into Darth Vader, providing us with insights into the psychology of those entangled with a ‘dark personality.’ What’s a ‘dark personality’? One common framework is the Dark Triad, consisting of three primary personality disorder traits:⁠

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Narcissism: Excessive self-love, a grandiose sense of importance, cruelty, and a lack of empathy for others.⁠

Machiavellianism: Highly manipulative behaviour, cunning, and a focus on achieving personal goals, often at the expense of others. ⁠

Psychopathy: A lack of empathy, remorse, or guilt coupled with impulsive and antisocial behaviour. Plus: Sadistism – it feels good when others suffer. ⁠

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Some psychiatrists believe Anakin’s shift during his teen years aligns with symptoms reminiscent of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), laying the foundation for attachment problems. As Darth Vader, he is firmly identified as a villain. Darth Sidious, representing the embodiment of evil and the dark side of the Force, orchestrates Anakin’s fall, with manipulative behaviours … as with alienating parents. Similarly, Sidious utilises psychological tactics to control, mould and weaponise the child/teenager into Darth Vader. ⁠

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Here are some other comparisons: Alienating parents often isolate children from the targeted parent – and the truth. Sidious does the same, also fostering dependency by exploiting his vulnerabilities and influencing his choices. Alienating parents exploit their children’s fears and fuel resentment. Anakin’s fear of loss and desire for power push him toward the dark side. In both cases, fear is used to control. It’s not just alienating parents; we can turn our attention to all enablers of these behaviours, and that includes, unfortunately, family courts who fail to recognise ‘dark’ behaviour. They fail to see a shared persecutory delusion in the child that then destroys the child’s attachment bond to the other parent. This is child psychological abuse, which is a DSM-5 diagnosis (V995.51). Weaponising the child is also spousal or partner abuse, and the child’s witnessing of this (DSM-5 V995.82). The pathogenic parent (often with a narcissistic/dark personality/borderline) inflicts a false (factitious) attachment pathology on the child.

The parallels between the manipulative tactics of Darth Sidious and alienating behaviours throw some light on our understanding of dark personalities and the interplay of mental health, trauma, and identity.

The key thing is: don’t fight the darkness. Don’t engage with it energetically. As often as possible, focus on what you can love, for love is the only true power in the universe. When you empower love, the darkness cannot exist in those spaces. Love is not in a galaxy far, far away. It’s in you.

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Detachment – Charlie McCready

Detachment is your ally. Detachment lets you shift from wanting to undo a wrong to just focusing on healing yourself. When your weaponised, indoctrinated, alienated child is rude, insulting, upsetting, angry, accusatory – and even if you wanted, you can’t defend yourself from something you didn’t do because you’re not given the airtime – it is not easy to deal with this. But not reacting, not fighting fire with fire, is a loving act. ⁠

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Detachment allows us to disengage emotionally from the turmoil of the situation, providing a much-needed respite from the relentless onslaught of hurtful behaviours and manipulative tactics. Cultivating resilience and inner strength in these adversarial circumstances is paramount. ⁠

By accepting the reality of our situation, we create space for healing and transformation to unfold. As Kabat-Zinn eloquently puts it, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” In other words, by relinquishing our attachment to outcomes and relinquishing the need to control, we empower ourselves to ride the waves. ⁠

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The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once observed, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” In this journey of parental alienation, may we find the strength to love ourselves deeply and the courage to extend that love to our alienated children, even in the face of the most difficult adversity.⁠

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Everything is energy , invest in love- Charlie McCready / Parental Alienation

Perhaps, we fell short in the self-love department, and we might have made different decisions along the way if we’d been kinder to ourselves and felt more self-worth? As an alienated parent, you will most likely be a kind, empathetic, giving, loving person. You have to give that same love to yourself. If someone has taken advantage of your loving, giving, kind nature, that doesn’t make you weak or stupid. You know how to love, and they envy you if they don’t have that same capacity. Don’t let this experience dim your light or your love. It is your superpower. Of course it doesn’t feel like that sometimes. It’s easy to look at the world and think that lying, cheating, inhumane, greedy, vile … (you get my drift) are the winners. They’re not. They gaslight and blame and manipulate and lie. Do you believe in karma? Even if you don’t, it’s scientifically proven – everything is energy. We read each other’s energy. We know to cross the road when something doesn’t feel right. If we knew our engagement with a future alienating parent wasn’t right, we probably went along with it because we hoped it would work out, or we couldn’t do any better (lack of self-worth/love), or many other reasons. This is an opportunity now to really give yourself love. We tend to look ‘over there’ and give to others/our children. It’s not selfish, but it does start with you, me, and each of us individually. For you and for everyone.

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Charlie McCready – Gone Girl

Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl” provides a chilling psychopathic portrayal of Amy Dunne, a character who exemplifies traits such as lack of remorse, dishonesty, cunning and striking charm as she weaves an intricate web of deceit. Her intricate planning, patience, and calculated approach reveal a misuse of self-regulation, as she meticulously observes and collects information about her husband’s behaviour for the purpose of revenge and malevolent manipulation. Amy’s masterful manipulation of victimhood grants her immunity from criticism, enabling her to receive compassion and support from others.⁠

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Criminal masterminds in literature and film, like Professor James Moriarty, Hannibal Lecter, Frank Underwood, and Tom Ripley are morbidly fascinating. If any of these masterminds, including Amy Dunne, were to undergo a character assessment using the VIA Survey (Value in Action), they’d probably score highly on traits such as ingenuity, patience, perseverance, keen observation skills with an ability to collect information for the purpose of revenge.⁠

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The fictional characters show us that sometimes false allegations are not impulsive acts but result from meticulous planning and patient execution. It’s challenging to contemplate the darker aspects of human behaviour when it’s real and not fictional, and the lengths to which some are willing to go for revenge, control, or the destruction of others. As with alienating parents, the presentation of victimhood, their planning, and emotional manipulation and psychological abuse is (in cases other than ‘mild’ alienation) a highly organised and orchestrated process. ⁠

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Stand – Charlie McCready

I hope that my daily posts and my professional and personal experiences and work with ‘parental alienation’, are helpful. I aim to create awareness and validation, helping people realise they are not alone in their struggles. Connecting in a space like this can, I hope, provide some guidance and a sense of solace, empowerment, and healing. Parental alienation is a pathology and not a reflection of your worth or actions. I want you to find strength in knowing you are part of a larger community working towards understanding, healing, and advocating for change. I have been through the trauma of alienation, and am totally invested in helping others. As well as my daily posts, I offer 1:1 coaching, and a 9-step program. I am always grateful when you can share my work, not with alienated children, but with those who can help me, help you, and help all of us who want ‘parental alienation’ recognised as abusive, disordered pathological parenting, which is causing harm to so many. Thanks for being here.⁠

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Maya Angelou – Change / Charlie McCready

I love the defiance, resilience and fortitude of Maya Angelou’s quote here. I love her face. It’s one that experienced a great deal in her lifetime, but she triumphed and just look at the kindness in her eyes and the sweetness of her smile. It’s not to deny any experience that impacts our lives and causes us to change but to find acceptance. We see it. It happened. But it is not who we are, and it doesn’t get to become our identity. Among her many beautiful words, she also said:

‘If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.’

‘You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.’

And the magnificent: ‘… in spite of the adversity and the bitter moments, again we rise.’

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Personal Non Grata – Targeted parent of alienation

Becoming persona non grata is a shock to any parent who once enjoyed a close, happy, loving relationship with their child who now doesn’t want to see them or believes all sorts of lies and nonsense put in their minds by an alienating ex. Separation or divorce is an adult issue that the children are best not involved with, yet the alienating parent uses the situation to drive a wedge between the other parent and the children. It is not in the child’s best interest that their loved/loving parent becomes no more than a visitor or, worse, a stranger. I personally dislike the term ‘visitation rights,’ sometimes used. They say ‘absence makes the heart grow stronger’, but this is not the case when the alienating parents use the enforced, manipulated absence to make the divide worse and wider. But while it feels as if alienating behaviours are forever and unbridgeable, it is often the case that, upon reuniting, the past can be left where it belongs in the past. Like with an old friend, upon meeting after many years, we often find it’s as if no time has gone, and we just take up where we left off. The alienating parent doesn’t remain ‘persona non grata’ in many cases. The child’s natural instinct is to want both parents in their life. They did not ask to be alienated. It was a survival tactic on their part. What’s difficult for the alienated parent is not knowing how long the distance and time will be before their child feels free enough to be able to reconnect, and in the meantime, finding happiness and fulfilment in life. Stay strong, and don’t give up hope, my friends.

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#divorcesupport

Changes – Facing our demons – Charlie Mc Cready

The song ‘Changes’ by David Bowie is a fantastic, exuberant anthem of youth and freedom. What’s interesting is how things take on different meanings as we travel through life. Now when I hear, ‘I turned myself to face me,’ I relate this to facing our demons, something that’s necessary for our healing and, ultimately, our liberation (especially from pain and suffering). It’s not easy to face – and own – the shadow parts of ourselves that have generated problems in our lives. It is easier to blame circumstances or others, which is what an alienating parent does. Facing up to our ‘demons’ (and everyone has them) is hard, but then so is staying stuck in fear, anger, grief and suffering. These negative emotions can imprison us. They can hold us in the past. It’s our life’s work to liberate ourselves. Our children must do the same from the enmeshment of alienating behaviours and a shared delusional pathology with their ‘aligned’ parent. When Bowie sings, ‘and these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations, they’re quite aware of what they’re going through.’ I wish the alienated children were free to be their authentic selves rather than indoctrinated by disordered parenting. Some are immune or manage to evade it. Certainly, it takes a cruel, selfish and concerted effort on the alienating parent’s part to get their child to turn against their other loving and loved parent. Their ‘consultations’ are psychological abuse.

This is also a song about reinvention as well as change. It’s about being who we want to be. Free. And not limited, overshadowed, pigeonholed, or coerced into fitting into somebody else’s agenda. When we’re no longer a prisoner of the past, when we face down our present demons, we can be liberated from future suffering. Hunky Dory! This is the title of the album Changes first appeared on, and Bowie said creating it gave him ‘a fabulous groundswell. First, with the sense of: ‘Wow, you can do anything.’ You can borrow the luggage of the past, you can amalgamate it with things that you’ve conceived could be in the future, and you can set it in the now.’ Perfectly put.

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Charlie McCready- offering 9 step program for targeted parents

I will be running the 9-Step Program starting on 9th February 2024.

If you are experiencing parent alienation, this 8 week course is for you. We help you to understand how alienation is affecting your child, what support they need from you and ways that you can rebuild relationships with them. You learn to see alienation as your child is experiencing it and how to look beyond the behaviours that they are using as coping mechanisms to deal with this trauma.

You will also learn how to cope with your own experience. We help you to overcome grief, guilt, isolation, powerlessness, injustice and anxiety. You will be having your own unique experience of these emotions and we give you tools that will help you to get off this emotional restore, restoring your mental and emotional resilience.

Being a strong parent is important both for your child’s benefit as well as your own well being.

The Program starts on 9th February and has 8 Weekly modules, plus live coaching over Zoom with me. And once you have completed the Program there is a further 2 months of ongoing support, including extra live coaching to help you put what you have learnt into action.

This might be the best investment you make in 2024.

If you want to learn more, please comment below or Message be directly so we can start exploring how the Program can help your specific needs.

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