Tag: child Psychological abuse

The Alienating Parent

The alienating parent, often exhibiting traits of a personality disorder, strategically withholds the child as a form of punishing you for perceived wrongs. This punitive action is often triggered by a variety of emotional wounds, abandonment issues, and feelings of being unloved, which may have laid dormant until the stressors of separation or divorce surfaced. Having said that, in many instances, the signs of the alienating parent’s tendencies were not completely dormant, but may have been present even before the formal separation. Perhaps you hesitate to take action, fearing the potential escalation of conflicts, knowing what you do.

The root of the alienating parent’s behaviour is multifaceted. Not only might they harbour jealousy towards you, but they may also, deep down, not feel loveable themselves, attempting to fill this (narcissistic wound) pain and void through controlling and deceitful tactics. Exposing the truth, could jeopardise the alienating parent’s control over the child’s narrative and affection, leading them to fabricate a distorted reality – creating negativity, fear and confusion around you as a parent. The alienated child, having internalised these falsehoods, becomes a conduit for the alienating parent’s thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours.

This aligned behaviour includes refusing mediation or collaborating with anything. They make life difficult. But some alienated children remember the good times before the alienating kicked in. This causes them to suffer cognitive dissonance. They can’t hold two truths in their mind. It is ‘easier’ for them to cut off. To see you and to go through therapy, to hear your version of events, can be upsetting and confusing. But keep on being the role model. Whether you have time with your child or not, focus on your life, happiness, and well-being. Being such a contrast to the person the alienating parent says you are may plant seeds in the child’s mind about what is true or false.

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#cognitivedissonance

#splitting

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#custodybattle

#childcustody

#FamilyCourt

Narcissist Never Apologize – Charlie McCready

People who have mistreated you (and your children) may not offer an apology for their actions but instead shift the blame onto you for your reaction. Similarly, alienated children might be seeking a resolution to the pressure imposed by the alienating parent, who encourages and coerces them to align against you, finding fault and severing ties. The children, consciously or unconsciously, may provoke you into a reaction. Have you experienced this? I know, I did, many times. I learned how to detach and not rush to defend myself in anger or indignation. Not easy, but do whatever you can, not to fall into the trap.⁠

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There are several behaviours that describe what they do:⁠

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Projection: This is a defence mechanism where people attribute (project) their own undesirable thoughts, feelings, or actions onto someone else. Where the alienating parent manipulates the child, they may project their own issues/shortcomings onto the targeted parent. ⁠

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Blameshifting: Like projection, this behaviour is ideal for someone who wants to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and assigns blame elsewhere – typically the parent they’re alienating – excluding, poisoning/indoctrinating the child against. It works particularly well because any negative reactions, as a result of what they’re doing, are solely the targeted parent’s fault. Their aim is to get away with everything they do and without anyone looking at them. ⁠

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Mirroring: This involves the imitation of another person’s behaviour, often unconsciously. In the context of the alienating children, they might mirror the behaviour of the alienating parent by provoking reactions from the targeted parent. This mirroring behaviour could be an attempt to align with the alienating parent’s perspective and gain approval.⁠

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Cognitive Dissonance: This is the discomfort felt when holding conflicting beliefs or attitudes. The alienated child may experience cognitive dissonance when confronted with the disparity between their actual experiences with the target parent and the negative narratives imposed and imprinted by the alienating parent. This discomfort might drive them to seek resolution by provoking reactions.

Gaslighting: This is a form of manipulation that seeks to make someone doubt their own perceptions or sanity. In an alienation scenario, gaslighting could occur when the alienating parent denies or distorts facts, making the target parent question their own reality.

Practicing non-reaction becomes a crucial strategy to disrupt this cycle and mitigate further emotional distress.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalientation #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationischildabuse #highconflictcoparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #familycourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissisticfather #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissist #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissistic #narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissisticparent #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #alienatedchild #alienatedmother #alienatedparent #alienatedfather

Unprepared for being targeted by parental alienation – Charlie McCarthy

No one was prepared for parental alienation. But what you do next will have a big impact on your child, on you and your wider family.

Parental alienation is both complex and counterintuitive. Your own insecurities and vulnerabilities all rise to the surface as you experience an emotional rollercoaster, trying to wrestle back control of what is happening to your child and your life.

The 9-Step Program takes a complicated situation and helps you understand what you can do to help rebuild trust and the relationship with your child, deal with alienators more effectively and restore your own wellbeing. We help you to develop a new understanding of alienation and give you the tools to navigate helping your child and yourself with confidence.

This may be the best investment that you make in your child and you in 2024 – that is what parents who have completed the course constantly tell me.

Comment below or message me directly for further details of how we can transform your experience of alienation and how to enrol.

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach

Craig Childress-Weaponized Children – NP

Narcissistic personality pathology collapses into persecutory delusions under stress.

We know that. Let me toss some quotes at you that say exactly that. These quotes are from the Grand-High Kahuna of personality disorder pathology, Theodore Millon.

From Millon: “Under conditions of unrelieved adversity and failure, narcissists may decompensate into paranoid disorders.

“…decompensate into paranoid disorders…”

From Millon: “Owing to their excessive use of fantasy mechanisms, they are disposed to misinterpret events and to construct delusional beliefs.”

“…construct delusional beliefs…”

From Millon: “Unwilling to accept constraints on their independence and unable to accept the viewpoints of others, narcissists may isolate themselves from the corrective effects of shared thinking. Alone, they may ruminate and weave their beliefs into a network of fanciful and totally invalid suspicions.”

“…fanciful and totally invalid suspicions…”

From Millon: “Among narcissists, delusions often take form after a serious challenge or setback has upset their image of superiority and omnipotence.”

“…delusions often take form…”

From Millon: “They tend to exhibit compensatory grandiosity and jealousy delusions in which they reconstruct reality to match the image they are unable or unwilling to give up.”

“…reconstruct reality…”

From Millon: “Delusional systems may also develop as a result of having felt betrayed and humiliated. Here we may see the rapid unfolding of persecutory delusions and an arrogant grandiosity characterized by verbal attacks and bombast.”

“….rapid unfolding of persecutory delusions…”

We know that narcissistic pathology collapses into persecutory delusions under stress. We know that.

So? Is there a shared (induced) persecutory delusion created in the child by the pathogenic parenting of a narcissistic-borderline-dark personality parent?

Did you even look?

In all cases – all cases – of severe attachment pathology surrounding court-involved custody conflict, a proper risk assessment for child abuse needs to be conducted to the appropriate differential diagnosis for each parent.

Is there a shared (induced) persecutory delusion?

Is there a false (factitious) attachment pathology imposed on the child?

Is there Child Psychological Abuse (DSM-5 V995.51)?

Is there Spouse or Partner Abuse (DSM-5 V995.82) of the targetd parent by the allied parent using the child as the weapon?

Did you even look?

Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, CA PSY 18857

Deflection – Charlie McCarthy

Self-awareness is healing, but it’s unlikely an alienating parent cares about this. They prefer to deflect. But without seeing ourselves clearly, and instead, putting all the blame on others, we don’t move on/heal. In relationships we are mirrors.

If someone says or does something that triggers us, we might react by pushing it away, ignoring it, denying it, or turning it back onto the other person – deflection. It’s a coping mechanism like a shield protecting the ‘deflector’ from painful memories, thoughts or emotions. Projection is not when a person sees something in themselves they don’t like as opposed to seeing it in others so they project it out onto others (the cheating person who doesn’t like cheating in others, and excuses themselves). A person who wants to deflect something said about themselves might even say that person is projecting. It’s tricky stuff! It’s all about denial, and not being responsible or accepting blame, and not taking on board any shame or guilt. As an example, a child gets into drugs while living with one parent who blames it on something the other parent did or didn’t do. These people – alienating parents – cannot bear to see themselves in a bad light. Everything must be someone else’s fault. There are deep wounds going on here. The opposite of deflecting is reflecting. Those mirrors again. Seeing ourselves in a clear light, warts and all, as they say. Not looking to deflect any wrongdoings onto someone else to hurt them instead of protecting our own unhealed wounds. But this is what the alienating parent does. Probably if you’re reading this, you’ve been on the receiving end of this, and you are willing to do the work of self-reflection and healing. It’s near impossible to have a truthful, authentic, close relationship with someone who deflects. In most relationships, it’s usually a case that ‘it takes two’ and no one person can have 100% blame. The alienating parent wants the ‘target’ parent to take 100% blame. It’s just not true. They should take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Charlie McCready – Gone Girl

Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl” provides a chilling psychopathic portrayal of Amy Dunne, a character who exemplifies traits such as lack of remorse, dishonesty, cunning and striking charm as she weaves an intricate web of deceit. Her intricate planning, patience, and calculated approach reveal a misuse of self-regulation, as she meticulously observes and collects information about her husband’s behaviour for the purpose of revenge and malevolent manipulation. Amy’s masterful manipulation of victimhood grants her immunity from criticism, enabling her to receive compassion and support from others.⁠

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Criminal masterminds in literature and film, like Professor James Moriarty, Hannibal Lecter, Frank Underwood, and Tom Ripley are morbidly fascinating. If any of these masterminds, including Amy Dunne, were to undergo a character assessment using the VIA Survey (Value in Action), they’d probably score highly on traits such as ingenuity, patience, perseverance, keen observation skills with an ability to collect information for the purpose of revenge.⁠

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The fictional characters show us that sometimes false allegations are not impulsive acts but result from meticulous planning and patient execution. It’s challenging to contemplate the darker aspects of human behaviour when it’s real and not fictional, and the lengths to which some are willing to go for revenge, control, or the destruction of others. As with alienating parents, the presentation of victimhood, their planning, and emotional manipulation and psychological abuse is (in cases other than ‘mild’ alienation) a highly organised and orchestrated process. ⁠

#charliemccready #9StepProgram #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #parentalalienationisreal #parentalalienationischildabuse #highconflictcoparenting #coparenting #coparentingwithanarcissist #highconflictdivorce #divorce #familylaw #familycourt #childabuse #psychologicalchildabuse #narcissisticparent #narcissisticfather #narcissisticmother #narcissism #narcissism #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcissisticrelationship #narcissist #narcissistic #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #alienatedchild #alienatedparent #alienatedfather #alienatedmother