The short answer is: Yes, relationships can be restored.
The longer answer is that, speaking from personal and professional experience, rebuilding trust (the love is there, just dormant/suppressed/disallowed) after experiencing parental alienation and the subsequent trauma can be a challenging journey for both the parent and the child. Many of us are so thrilled when we have communication and contact again, that we get our hopes up, giddily high. It’s obviously amazing to get to that point, having suffered the loss of our children from our lives, and so unjustly, but the road ahead can still (not always) be a winding one with some twists, turns and speedbumps along the way.
Here is some guidance that I hope will help:
Remember that healing is a unique and individual process for each family. Acknowledge and celebrate small milestones in the healing/reconciliation process. Recognise and appreciate the positive moments that signify progress.
Recognise and validate the emotional pain caused by parental alienation. It’s crucial to acknowledge the trauma both you and your child have endured.
Gain a deeper understanding of parental alienation, its effects, and strategies for overcoming it. Educate friends, family, and professionals involved in the child’s life to create a supportive network.
Where it might help things along, engage with mental health professionals who specialise in trauma, family dynamics and have a firm understanding of ‘parental alienation’ (though they might not want to mention those words out loud as they’re loaded and potentially insulting/upsetting to the child.
Consistency in your actions and words is crucial. Demonstrate reliability and a commitment to rebuilding the relationship by being present and involved in your child’s life. Understand that rebuilding trust is a gradual process. Be patient and set realistic expectations for yourself and your child. Avoid rushing the reconciliation process.
Create an environment where open and honest communication is encouraged. Both parties need to express their feelings, fears, and hopes without judgment. However, I would suggest that the child speaks more fully. It can even be that, years down the line, the child is unable to accept that anyone but them was the victim. They have endured a hell of a lot of ‘programming’ in that alienation period. It’s heavy with guilt, shame, anger, grief … let them unload (this isn’t easy) in a ‘safe space’ with you, one where your child feels emotionally secure. It might have to be neutral ground at first. And let them not fear retribution and anger. Do all you can to give them a sounding board, empathy, patience and love.
I hope you enjoy our daily posts, offering guidance. Reach out if I can help you with the coaching I offer.
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