I don’t know who needs to see this, but when you leave an abusive relationship or marriage, this isn’t the only challenge you will face. Once you’ve removed yourself from the vortex of lies and manipulation, you may begin to lose friends and family, as well. Your Church might turn on you. Relationships and situations will fall apart around your ankles.
While this is initially horrific and traumatizing, it’s actually a Phoenix process. You are leaving the realm of false narratives and denial. You are removing yourself from the program. The people and situations that hurt you will have no choice but to slowly disintegrate as you make space for your new world.
This phase may take a while, especially if you have to deal with court hearings. This is usually an entire layer of H*LL in itself.
Think of it as an update to software. The bugs are removed so your internal code can go back to normal. The software is your life, and the bugs are all the things that aren’t in alignment with your highest good.
Once this painful phase begins to acclimate, a quiet peace sets upon you. You are no longer surrounded by abusers, fakes, and ignorance. You are no longer amongst flying monkeys, minions, or fair-weathered “friends” who used to go between you and your abuser, stirring the pot. They may try, but your new reality doesn’t acknowledge them. Ideally, you’ve blocked these people out of your life so that any attempts they make to hook you back into the vortex are met with your indifference or even utter unawareness.
Your tolerance for drama and backbiting is zero. You no longer care what the ignorant are up to.
Things worth doing, things that will transform your life… may feel painful while your new world is being built. This is when you need faith in yourself. Faith in what’s in store. Faith in our Creator. This is when you need to stop looking back and, instead, put all your focus on forging your new path.
I’ve gone through many painful Phoenix processes…but what comes afterward is always worth it. Every. Single. Time.