Tag: Parental Alienation

Alienated Children victim / punisher

Many alienated children keep playing their imposed role – victim/punisher – to try to justify the ‘choice’ they made as being right, instead of facing and accepting the reality of their weaponisation. The alienating parent put those boxing gloves on their child. But instead of feeling shame and guilt, it’s almost easier for the child to keep on punching. All the while they’re hurting themselves. I know this is a horrible idea and visual but it’s to make this point. The alienating parent projects and punches too. The child learns to behave the same, they think they’re protecting their aligned parent. It’s much easier to keep attacking the target parent than to see what part they’ve played – and how much they’ve been played! So long as they deny it, and project all anger/blame on the target parent, this remains unresolved trauma. It can create stunted psychological development, and the child can remain stuck in, and trigger back to, the age they were hurt. We need to remember this when our alienated child (even as a ‘grown up’) expresses their wounds, and continues to project all their unhealed trauma, all their shame, guilt and anger on us, the alienated parent. They are righteously angry, confused, hurt. And unfortunately they will stay stuck so long as they don’t accept they were complicit/used, and abused by ONE parent, not both. The target parent, as much a victim as them, is that missing part of their lives – it is the ‘split’ part of the personality. The lost part. It was a terrible choice, rejecting one parent over another, it was a painful, survival mechanism. The alienating, mentally unhealthy parent did this to them. And without healing the relationship with the rejected parent, the alienated child, cannot heal those parts of themselves caught up in the trauma, that denied part of themselves, vital to their healing and sovereignty.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#ParentalAlienationAwareness

#parentalalienation

#FamilyCourt

#childcustody

#FathersMatter

#mothersmatter

#custodybattle

Don’t feed the parental Alienator – Charlie McCarthy

When alienated parents react and become outraged, and heartbroken by the loss of their child and the injustice they face, it’s perfectly understandable, and natural. However, continually dwelling on these negative emotions and allowing them to consume our energy can be detrimental to our emotional well-being.

The quote by Emily Maroutian about ‘paying’ attention to what we focus on, serves as a reminder. While it’s crucial to acknowledge and process our emotions, dwelling on them excessively can perpetuate the cycle of pain and hinder our ability to heal. Instead, it’s beneficial to redirect energy towards self-care, seeking support, and taking proactive steps to address the situation constructively. By shifting attention towards personal growth, healing, and finding ways to reconnect with their child, as and when that’s possible, we can create a healthier space for ourselves and increase the chances of eventual resolution and reconciliation.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedchild

#ParentalAlienationAwareness

#parentalalienation

#mothersrights

#fathersrights

#FamilyCourt

Living Bereavement – Charlie McCready

Alienated parents often describe their experience as a ‘living bereavement.’ Despite their children being alive, they are kept away and turned against them, leading to a profound sense of loss and grief. We miss them even more on occasions that remind us of them, such as Halloween, which is also a day traditionally associated with remembering those who are not in our lives anymore.

In the ancient Celtic calendar, Halloween, or All Hallows’ Evening, marks a significant time of transition. It begins at sunset on October 31st, signifying the end of the old year. However, the new year doesn’t commence until dawn on November 3rd. These intervening days, collectively known as Samhuinn (which corresponds with the Christian All Souls’ and All Saints’ days), exist ‘outside of time.’ During this ‘absent time’ period, the veil between the living and the departed is believed to be thin, allowing for a closer connection with the Otherworld and our loved ones who are gone from our lives.

When we light a candle during this ‘absent time’ we can send out our love. In churches and cathedrals, we often see the bible quote: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.” This is to symbolise the triumph of good (light) over evil or darkness, signifying hope. Lighting candles is an ancient custom that predates organised religion. It’s a belief in being able to ‘commune’ beyond space and time, and in particular, for alienated parents it can be an expression of love that transcends physical distance and familial discord, with the prayer/wish that our children’s path will be illuminated, bringing them back into our lives. These heartfelt prayers and wishes testify to the enduring bond between parent and child, even in the face of alienation, and it can be a beacon of hope that the path back home will be illuminated, reuniting us with our children once more.

#charliemccready

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#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationisreal

#ParentalAlienationSyndrome

#traumahealing

#traumabonding

#alienatedchild

#custodybattle

Charlie McCready Kids with 1 parent

An alienated child will often discard presents bought by the ‘target’ parent. They will post photos on social media of their aligned parent but never the alienated parent. It is as if they only have one parent and it is excruciating for the ‘target’ parent to see this. Much as they want to see what’s going on with their child, and they want to see them happy, their non-existence is painful. I know from personal experience. These behaviours can become learned. Even a child who has reunited with a previously rejected parent, will be wary of showing evidence of a good relationship (with both parents). They may still have lingering fears, conditioned responses, or a sense of loyalty towards the alienating parent. These emotions and behaviours can persist even after reconciliation, as the alienation process often creates deep-seated trauma bonds and conflicting emotions within the child. Years later, the child/adult may inherently fear upsetting or angering the alienating parent. They know that showcasing a relationship with the previously rejected parent is going to trigger the alienating parent. They may worry about potential repercussions, such as further manipulation, guilt trips, or even retaliation from the alienating parent. Additionally, the child may feel a sense of obligation or loyalty towards the alienating parent, leading them to prioritise that relationship on social media while keeping the relationship with the previously alienated parent private.

It’s essential to understand that healing from parental alienation is a complex and ongoing process. Even if the child or young adult has reconnected with the previously alienated parent, the psychological impact of the alienation may still be present. I speak from personal experience of this, and picking my battles, in fact, choosing to focus on gratitude for my children being in my life again, after a very long time, I let this one go, I see the previously alienating parent is given a lot of coverage on social media … I let it go (except for sharing this with you).

Overcoming fear, guilt, and loyalty conflicts can take time and a supportive environment. A previously alienated parent should respect the child’s boundaries and emotional needs, allowing them to navigate their healing journey and find their voice in their own time.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#parentalalienationisreal

#parentalalienationawareness

#FathersMatter

#mothersmatter

#FamilyCourt

#custody

#childcustody

#divorce

Highly improbable that your alienated child is acting autonomously/ Charlie McCready

Dealing with the rudeness, insults, and rejection from an alienated child can be incredibly challenging and emotionally distressing for a parent. Hard as it is sometimes (and believe me, I know!) we must try to remember their behaviour and their words don’t stem from them. This was downloaded like a software programme, it was inflicted on them. It was repeated until they believed this programme was their own creation. The child acts out of trauma-bonded loyalty and enforced alignment. That can be really irritating and upsetting to witness, but they’re not aware of it. We are the ‘target’ and often it’s only us who sees it. That’s also difficult for us to cope with! So, unpacking all this, we have to remember that deep down, hidden and dormant maybe, our children love us. They’ve just been told they shouldn’t or can’t. Isn’t that appalling? It’s tragic for them as much as for us. They’re victims of this abuse too. They might be confused and in emotional turmoil. It’s hard growing up at the best of times. This adds a huge amount of pressure.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Focus on what you can control. Keep communication channels open if that’s possible (often it’s not). Engage in activities that bring you joy and provide support through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and family. Prioritise your well-being to ensure you have the strength to navigate the difficult emotions associated with alienation. I’m here for you if you want to get some 1-2-1 coaching or take a look at my 9-step program. My posts are daily to inform, spread awareness and uplift. You’re not alone in going through this. Remember that healing from parental alienation takes time and is a complex and deeply emotional process. By adopting a compassionate and understanding mindset, seeking support, and prioritising your well-being, you can navigate the challenges, become more resilient and maintain hope for the future.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienationawareness

#parentalalienation

#alienatedchild

#narcissticabuserecovery

#FamilyCourt

#childcustody

#mothersmatter

#FathersMatter

Charlie McCarthy- Bereavement

Our child is alive, but the other parent has severed, damaged, and wilfully blocked the emotional bond and connection that once existed. This loss is unjustified, ongoing and unresolved, leading to intense grief and mourning. It is isolating, too, especially as so many deny, minimise or misunderstand what we’re going through.

The unresolved loss stems from our longing for our previous relationship with our child, shared experiences, and love. I cannot tell you how many people say, ‘We used to be so close’ or ‘I did all I could to keep them close to their other parent’, and I have been in this situation myself. This unresolved loss also involves the dimming of hopes, dreams, and expectations of a nurturing and loving parent-child relationship. We grieve the loss of daily interactions, milestones, and the ability to be a meaningful presence in our child’s life.

Like bereavement, the grieving process for rejected and alienated parents may involve a range of emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. However, unlike traditional bereavement, where closure can be reached through acceptance and adjustment to the loss, the unresolved loss experienced by alienated parents can persist indefinitely as we continue to hope for reconciliation and the restoration of our relationship with our child.

Acknowledging and addressing this unresolved loss is crucial for healing and finding some sense of peace. Finding a way to stay strong and find joy in our lives is so important too.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

Alienated child & rejection

An alienated child feels autonomous because their aligned parent’s psychological tactics are often subtle. The alienating parent may use ‘leading questions’ such as ‘Are you sure you want to be with them for such a long time away from home?’ They can use passive-aggressive language such as, ‘It’s a shame they make you feel so angry when they behave as they do, and you’re so good about it.’ It can seem caring and concerned rather than coercive and controlling. The child also develops a strong sense of loyalty and alignment with the alienating parent due to the fear of losing their love, approval, or the stability of the family unit. They can become ‘trauma bonded’ in an emotionally abusive relationship, often due to intermittent reinforcement, manipulation and a cycle of reward and punishment. They may feel autonomous because they’ve internalised the beliefs and narratives of the alienating parent. Often they justify their actions and maintain a positive self-image by convincing themselves that their rejection of the targeted parent is valid. Accepting the reality that the alienating parent acted out of selfish motives and not in the child’s best interests can be extremely distressing and conflicting. It may require them to confront the fact that they were manipulated and used as a pawn in the alienating parent’s agenda. This can be psychologically overwhelming. They can feel incredibly betrayed, sad, guilty, and ashamed, but they can overcome this. They can break free and truly become autonomous when they accept that they were not previously. It is hard to accept, but the key to their liberation and healing.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#alienatedparent

#alienatedchild

#childcustody

#FamilyCourt

Connection & Support – Charlie McCready

We’re a community of people who have the most unfortunate shared experience. There can’t be many experiences worse than having our loved, loving children turned against us and coerced into rejecting us by a vengeful ex. Parental alienation is often called a living bereavement for good reason. I post daily to spread awareness, inform and uplift. But your comments are integral and so valued. Thank you for contributing when you feel moved to do so. Sharing your opinions and experiences helps others. We have a connection and a common struggle. We can gain insights from each other. When we’ve received kindness and support from others, we know what a difference it makes. Personal suffering can lead to personal growth, resilience and a heightened sense of love and compassion. Connection and support is a wonderful thing. Thanks for being here.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#alienatedparent

#parentalalienation

#selfcare

#FamilyCourt

#custody

Narcissist persecutory delusions – Charlie McCarthy

When a parent with a dark, narcissistic personality falls into persecutory delusions, they try to rewrite reality. Their fear of being seen as unworthy drives them to alienate the child from you. They lie, manipulate, and seek control—not out of love, but out of deep-seated insecurity and fear that your child might see you as the better parent.

But remember, love is stronger than lies. One day, your child will begin to see through the false narratives. When that time comes, they will need a safe, loving space to turn to—a parent who is calm, mentally strong, and emotionally healthy. Be that parent. Show them that true love is unwavering and unconditional.

Stay resilient. Stay grounded. Continue to be the parent your child can rely on, even when it’s difficult. Do this for yourself, and most importantly, do this for your child.

#charliemccready

#parentalalienationcoach

#parentalalienation

#FamilyCourt

#narcissisticparent

#childcustody