Tag: emotions

Men who withdraw emotionally

𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙈𝙚𝙣 𝘿𝙞𝙨𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙊𝙧 𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙬 (𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙉𝙤, 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙎𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜)⁣

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This has happened to almost every woman. You are dating this promising man who ticks all your boxes. You are messaging back and forth, having conversations that make your heart glow, and this healthy dose of physical attraction is going on. You might have already met for a coffee or two, or he wined and dined you in his favorite restaurant. You are over the moon and slowly but surely fall in love.⁣

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And then, out of the blue, he disappears off the face of the earth. He doesn’t answer your texts and ignores your phone calls. He ghosts you hook, line, and sinker.⁣

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It leaves you wondering, “Did I do something wrong?”⁣

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Let me be clear: if you didn’t throw tantrums, mooned him on the first date, or completely spooked him out by smashing all your fears and shadows in front of his feet in the first conversation, the answer is NO.⁣

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You did not do anything wrong.⁣

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A man’s self-worth comes from his ability to provide happiness for you. When he starts dating you, he wants to feel validated as a good partner, and he does this by trying to please you.⁣

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So a man might woo you and take you to the most romantic places in town. He’ll excel and surpass anything to be captivating, intelligent, funny, and seductive – Mr. Perfect himself! Because your happiness justifies his worth as a potential romantic partner.⁣

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But….

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⁣… men’s brains are not wired like women’s, which are wired to efficiently understand and process deep emotions. As a woman, you can tell super fast how you feel about a relationship. A man’s ability to tune into his feelings is much less adept.⁣

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Long story short? It takes a man longer to figure out how he feels about you, exactly because of his brain… but also because of his heart.⁣

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Men are very protective, almost guarded, of their hearts. Although men are predominantly depicted as the strong sex, they are incredibly vulnerable and have to be treated gently.⁣

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In his world, a guarded heart is a safe heart. It takes care of him, guards him against harm, and always has his best interests in mind.⁣

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On the other hand, it can also become a heart that does not feel as much, is controlling, and won’t let go of its reins. It even can become, due to disappointments in the love department, a selfish and egocentric heart eventually… a hard heart.⁣

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Not consciously, of course. It’s done out of fear of pain, rejection, and not being validated as a good man.⁣

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So what happens next? ⁣

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They disappear. Or withdraw. Yes, there is a significant difference.⁣

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Disappearing is mostly permanent.⁣

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Men disappear while pursuing you when they, out of the blue, have the revelation that they do not want to be long-term with you. They might not be into you all that much, after all. Or they believe their freedom will vanish into thin air and simply refuse to commit. They might even get scared of the direction the fresh connection is heading in. And poofffff…. gone they are.⁣

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Disappearing is the easy way out. Most men who disappear are avoiders. ⁣

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Withdrawing is mostly temporary, and men do this for many reasons.

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According to a man’s logic, he mostly wants to be in control of the relationship and where it is heading, but he is unwilling to share the control. When he feels forced into making a too swift commitment, he might withdraw to be with his feelings and figure out what he wants.⁣

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He is afraid that he is not good enough for you. He only wants to make you the happiest woman on this earth, and when he feels he cannot give you this, even if it’s only a fraction, he might retreat to his cave. It’s better to be ahead of possible rejection, right?⁣

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And he gets tangled up in his emotions. Sometimes, an inside-out beautiful woman can release so many contradictory feelings in a man that he might be overwhelmed by all these sensations. Instead of opening up and communicating, he’ll probably withdraw to process everything at his own pace.⁣

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Men who withdraw are not always avoiders. They are hurt, insecure about their feelings, in doubt, scared, or guarded.⁣

I’m not saying you must be okay when you feel ignored or ghosted.⁣

I’m not saying you must constantly pretzel yourself around all his emotional quirks.⁣

And I’m definitely not saying you must keep waiting for an unavailable guy.⁣

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I simply say that when you feel a mutual, honest connection, giving “your guy” some space to digest, withdraw, and come back stronger and more transparent than before would be constructive.⁣

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Remember that this process in men goes in layers, just like yours. So he will be present and withdraw, be present and withdraw.⁣

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A fantastic man out there will adore you for holding this space for him. And when you find him (or he finds you), he will gladly do the same for you.⁣

Love is 🫶🏼

Growth , emotionally is change , and yes it’s best to do it as a couple in addition to one’s own growth .

Triggers are quite normal, but communication should dispel doubt knowing you’re safe and healing is possible .

I strongly sense that I’ve been made responsible for many wounded males who were abused by women , and targeted me , as their dumping station. Way too often I’ve been in that triangle , usually the mother .. enough folks through out my life let me know I had a special light and gift , as well as those who took my light as a challenge or energy source .

I’m Thankful that I’m in this place of acceptance and my life is liberated enough to accept my life as it is and let that be enough. Of course I’m open to receive Divine Cosmic Love in Truth & Light .

Depression is Real So is Trauma

Most read quote for me this week;

“Depression is real”.

The slope is steep;

Too much pain to feel,

Makes the heart feel weak.

Depression is suppression,

To bury the grief,

As we look to substance for relief.

It’s easier to be when the difficulties are buried underneath.

It’s easy to say,

But not easy to see;

That vulnerability can give us strength.

We will protect our wounds for certain.

We keep them down under,

As to feel others dismantles our comfort,

So to feel ourselves is projected as a burden.

Hurt people hurt people,

Because they won’t stop to feel the pain;

So hurt people become evil,

And justify the change.

This is how we throw ourselves a rope;

We forge a mental path,

Out of the hole surrounded by these steep slopes,

That draws a mental map,

Back to the breath from traumas aftermath.

This map is a signal to the brain,

Reminding that you are okay;

When your mind is convinced otherwise,

So your nervous system can regulate.

Embodied movements,

Cathartic release,

Small improvements,

Allowing peace to increase.

Noticing where you are,

Slowing down to touch the scars,

And contemplate the stars;

Can be extremely hard.

Especially when we feel alone,

And feeling lonely steals our sense of home.

Suicide in the back of the mind,

Struggling with life,

in an internal fight.

We demand,

That no one understands.

We exclaim,

That we are not okay.

We don’t know how to feel that way,

On purpose.

Our lives feel like they’ve strayed,

From a sense of service.

Many are barely surviving,

Our hearts and souls depriving.

To be alive,

And feel like dying,

Because we find we no longer feel alive.

Stuck in between a hard space within an even harder place to be.

We bargain to be free,

After we deny what’s happening,

Depression makes three,

Of the five stages of grief;

Then anger takes the stage right before relief,

While acceptance is the key to peace.

This process is natural,

Because so is pain and loss.

It’s life’s collateral,

For to live and love,

There is a cost.

This is difficult to trust,

For what follows loss is immense pain,

And so the courage to love,

Is an act of pure faith.