Children subjected to the harmful dynamic known as parental alienation, exhibit distinct attitudes and behaviours. They become fixated on denigrating one parent, reciting numerous grievances, and treating that parent as if they hold no value. What’s even more concerning is that many deeply alienated children express desires for the parent’s demise or disappearance. Strikingly, they do so without any accompanying guilt or remorse for their hostile behaviour. Children who have experienced physical abuse, typically fear the person abusing them, adopting a compliant demeanour to avoid further harm. They do no such thing with the alienated parent they reject because they say they’re not safe, or unwelcome in their life – with no real justification for these accusations and a previously loving relationship. Often their reasons are trivial or irrational like disliking being asked to help around the house, or not swearing, or any other reasons which do not warrant the rejection and hatred. Again, this contrasts with abused children who can offer justifiable and real evidence for their aversion.
Ordinarily, children, especially in the teenage years, hold a mix of sentiments toward their parents, including both love and loathing. However, children subjected to parental alienation often lack ambivalence. They struggle to articulate anything positive about the alienated parent while protecting the preferred (alienating, abusive) parent with whom they are aligned and being indoctrinated. During parental disputes, these children instinctively side with their preferred parent and accept without question that parent’s allegations against the alienated parent. Their expressions of criticism often mirror the aligned parent’s grievances, even if they don’t fully understand the words and phrases used. This happens despite their insistence that their rejection of the parent is solely their own decision, unaffected by the parent they have been induced to favour.
As the alienation deepens, it extends beyond just the parent. It encompasses other family members and friends on the alienated parent’s side. Even hobbies and interests. Even pets. It is ‘hatred by association’. It is irrational and yet can become powerfully ingrained behaviour. It might be a cherished grandparent who they no longer want to see. It is tragic for all involved. The only person who might be considered a ‘winner’ is the alienating parent. ‘Winner’ is not a word to describe their behaviour. ‘Abuser’ is much more fitting.
#charliemccready
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