A victim can be described as someone who has experienced harm, pain, or trauma – someone who experiences parental alienation and having their children unjustly turned against them. This harm inflicted by the alienating parent might be emotional, psychological, or even, in some cases, physical.
On the other hand, a survivor has faced the same adversity but has taken a different path in response to it. Typically, when we realise what’s happening, we’re shocked and can become paralyzed by the trauma. This is accompanied by a sense of helplessness and inability to move forward. Many don’t want to ‘move on’ in any way as they fear this means quitting or somehow giving up on their alienated children. Overcoming this horrific and poorly understood and supported experience is no mean feat. Reclaiming your strength and joy in life is not easy, but it is possible, and when others see you do it, you empower them to do the same. Overcoming trauma, including parental alienation, involves understanding the pathology, accepting it’s happened/is happening, and healing, self-discovery, and personal growth. It often requires rebuilding a sense of self-worth.
Alienated parents and alienated children survive this experience in different ways. For example, alienated children psychologically ‘split’ due to cognitive dissonance and the inability to hold two contrasting ideas. In this way, unawareness (as with emotional cutoff) is a powerful survival technique when information threatens their status quo. It safeguards them from potential harm or distress. Being unaware or avoiding certain truths becomes a coping strategy. They may unconsciously choose to remain ignorant or suppress awareness to shield themselves from the potential negative consequences of that knowledge. They may be burying feelings of shame, guilt and confusion behind a show of confidence, criticism, and grandiosity.
The healing journey for both alienated parents and children involves recognising the harm inflicted, fostering genuine self-acceptance, moving out of any sense of victimhood, and experiencing growth and resilience that empowers you to survive all ongoing conflicts or challenges.
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