As an alienated parent, you might be up against manipulative tactics that encourage your child to engage in behaviours you find unacceptable, especially when it involves badmouthing and rejecting you. The alienating parent often uses these tactics to curry favor, painting themselves as the ‘good’ parent in contrast to your ‘strict’, ‘old-fashioned’ or ‘uncool’ demeanor. This manipulation is not in the child’s best interest. In a healthy co-parenting arrangement, both parents work together to teach their children the right way to treat others and navigate life. Unfortunately, in cases of parental alienation, this collaboration is absent.
Parenting an alienated child requires a counterintuitive approach. It’s natural to want to defend yourself against constant criticism, but your actions speak louder than words. If ever, and whenever you have time with your child, focus on making them feel loved, supported, and safe. Let them feel heard. If they cross boundaries, gently but firmly remind them: “That isn’t a nice thing to say,” “That isn’t true,” or “Remember the rules in my house, please.” Maintain these boundaries with a light touch, drawing a line in the sand while staying strong and loving.
Showing up with love, kindness, and a positive attitude is crucial. Make your time with your child joyful and free of negativity and confrontation. When they leave their time with you feeling loved and happy, they will be more likely to want to spend time with you again. This positive experience can help them question the alienating parent’s narrative and see through the manipulation.
Traditional parenting styles often do not work with alienated children because the natural attachment bonds with your child are under attack. You are effectively parenting with your hands tied. By adapting your approach, arming yourself with conscious parenting, and being a role model of mental health and happiness, you give your child the best chance to resist the negative influence of the alienating parent and develop into their best selves.
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