These alienated children are so indoctrinated and enmeshed that they lose critical thinking skills when it comes to the ‘target’ parent. They can easily hurt our feelings and provoke a reaction from us by their words and behaviours, and we have to find the strength and calmness of mind to remember not to react in anger, not to make them feel guilty, not to talk about our feelings (hurt, anger, frustration). It only pushes them away, which is often what they’re trying to actualize because cutting off makes it easier for them when they’re under such emotional pressure. Be calm, be loving, be non-reactive. They will come up with the most unbelievable fictions. I was told once: ‘It’s not fair a parent is alone at Christmas’. This was the reason given that they never saw me! Do they forget we are parents too? No. But they ‘split’. They can’t deal with it, so they almost pretend it’s not happening. It gets buried. It is too confusing and too upsetting. That is because they do love us. They’ve been prevented from feeling it’s okay to love us and told all sorts of horror stories to make them reject us which they can perpetuate themselves. But deep down, they know the truth. It’s a matter of them finding it and setting it free.
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