Congress: State courts should consider domestic violence in custody cases | masslive.com

Waiting it out , until our youngest was “of age”, kept the custody issue

mute , and my income share was enough out going money .

3 lawyers knew I was abused, psychiatrically drugged that he

could hold on to everything , he possibly could . All responsibility

for his financial dealing, failures as over extended precluded a

fast exit. Our marital home needed repairs , our youngest had 2

years left at high school . So he gave him his car , left him in

a house of neglect and abuse, while he had fun with his new

crush.

At least 8 court appearances , only 1 mentioned ” alleged domestic

abuse “, another incomplete ..Blinders on, to Domestic Abuse and

the devastating ” side effects ” professionals have lacked the true

education, or character to do the right thing .

He’s a male in the south with permanent exemptions due to

“Connections” and checks $. ” Donations and brotherhoods

concealing the insanity that supports evil.

The case has been made , of a parent is abused , the child is abused .

I’m seen as a willing junkie who choose to be an addict via the

AMA, APA and chemical companies . Man’s law has exemptions,

money has moved mountains, but at the end of the day, universal

laws rules , and the day is soon coming when it’s character , not

money or education that will be expected in our every day , on

every level …Those lacking are being exposed , and that’s a certainty .

Shadow does reveal light .

I am very Thankful to see and share this article today🙏🏼😘

Congress passed a resolution on Tuesday aimed at changing the way state family courts address domestic violence and child abuse in custody cases.
— Read on articles.masslive.com/politics/index.ssf/2018/09/congress_state_courts_should_c.amp

Women want to escape Venezuela so badly they sell hair, breast milk, sex

CUCUTA, Colombia — Although the sun has barely risen, this border city with Venezuela is already bursting with chaos.
Thousands upon thousands of Venezuelans…
— Read on nypost.com/2018/12/24/women-so-desperate-to-escape-venezuela-they-sell-hair-breast-milk-sex/

1998-2018, Saturation Of DomesticAbuseChildAbuse PAS

The non contact of over 15 years , has included 5 years

of an added leverage to be advanced in a girl child , then

her brother.

There has not been any truth on a heart level , having

been befriended , then full of needed information , gaining

favors and power and influence , I crossed that line

in triggers I was aware of not not in terms of C-PTSD.

Threats come easily , boasting of ” I made him do xyz ” ,

of having made him the man he is, of making it her,

Kids, or me..promises of emails with gd, asking to come

visit suddenly , Bd dinner , late to create an atmosphere

of acceptance . A book called “too many cooks” . Threats

to have psychiatric evaluators to my home , have me

“Put away ” , blame for not having baptized my child.

Stating , ” you may not have been emotionally supported

but you were financially ” . Umm

Taking the spot of the matriarch , voicing repeatedly that

my children would never be interested in reconnecting

and years of this have convinced me that , I can no

longer participate .

As I grew reacquainted with gd , she was a bit skittish

and I respected her boundaries , having lovely visits

bring food that rarely pleased …I don’t cook or bake

for this is a challenge , critiqued so badly I dare not.

Child says , I smell , denying his “trigger” it’s always

Me.

His allegiance does not waver , despite being utilized

In gathering info from me , negotiating for ex , a

near miss in business that was so corrupt , it was

” I’ll leave you crisis”. So fractured , no contact

was a must.. Nothing more was said , when it came

up again , it was healed and I was negative .

Unworthy of so many things , allowed to create an

appearance , tossing out that most of son’s friends

think Mom is dead.

It seems enjoyable , competitive, and overpowerment

and an open continuation of abusive discrimination I

ignored , until I could not since 77.

Lacking consciousness , benevolence , I do not sense

any positive , progressive movement .

After a visit that included riding with gd and her male

friend , who took a precious item from her , teasing

her, she became upset and cried. It was just the 3 of us

in the vehicle . As she cried she told him how special

this item was because her ” other grandmother” gave

it to her.

She is very aware of who I am.

Progress was so good , that one of the last times I saw

her , urged to hug me, she kissed my lips. 😘

Neither parent sees a problem in cutting me off

and when ” family ” celebrations or the seasons

special events near , I am in error of something or

other and banished .

I made a promise to gd , and I have every intention to

honor her , and all children caught up in the nightmare

that is PAS/ChildAbuse. I realize many complexities

within this situation , each one involved . I was over

powered , and not abled to protect each of my sons.

After 42 years of being treated as if my pedigree were

insufficient , I consider I wed out of my species

or at least married into a society so secret and exclusive

and so vain, separated from spirit and soul, but a veneer .

I cannot allow myself to continue to have illusions

but prepare for an inventible disclosure of financial

errors , in addition to Domestic Abuse , allowing

psychiatry to chemically straightjacketed me , for

sons to witness 5 years of intensely and doing nothing.

Experiencing his discomfort that I wasn’t doing me job

pounding children ” She’s Fat, She’s Lazy, She’s

Crazy And She’s medicating as Bipolar to get out

of mothering you, of doing her job “. She doesn’t

love you..she abandoned you.,

So no family support , much blame , the ownership

with ex , referred to as “inheritance ” , strongly

suggesting I get a job .

My welfare has not mattered for 15 years intensely ,

for through the shadow of addiction , induced bipolar

I failed to realize the reality of my surrogacy , of

having filled a space , that was socially beneficial and

openly exhibited ” a man needs a maid” . I lived

with that surface only , lost soul as he shit at his own

doghouse proudly for all to see, which was accepted

because he’s “somebody” And I am not.

So , I am stepping out of Abuse that has no end , a

world of secrets , lies , blame, lacking response of

any humane benevolence have corrupted our sons

his sons as he gifted them $1000 each per testimony

for Christmas , and I as usual did not receive a card

nor a call.

An end of this hell on earth 20 plus cycle, offered

promise , hope, truth, clearings, healings , and

was yet again rejected in honor of continuation of

abuse , that cannot be justified .

And so I weep, determined even more to bear witness

of how one looses their children when all systems fail

and I am erased , as if I am nothing . It’s pure evil .

And it’s time to purge , detox this , and open up the

worm hole that’s deadly epidemic .

https://youtu.be/Oq7bY34kPPA

Sit that Baggage Down

Narcissistic Twist Truths, They are the Victum

what a very disturbed ex spouse does to his own flesh and blood, and spouse.

How Narcissists Play the Victim and Twist the Story

By Darius Cikanavicius, Author, Certified Coach

~

People with strong narcissistic tendencies are known for certain destructive social patterns. Anybody who has had the misfortune of dealing with these types of people may notice that whenever there’s a conflict or any type of disagreement, they tend to act in an abhorrent yet predictable manner.

In this article we will explore the common behaviors and scenarios where narcissistic and otherwise toxic people (hereafter narcissists) play the victim and manipulate the narrative.

Delusion and denial

Narcissists can’t deal with reality because it contradicts what they want to be true, and this creates painful emotions. As a coping mechanism, they learn to delude themselves that what is real is actually not real, and however they see the situation is real, even though it isn’t.

Sometimes they truly see it that way. Other times it’s just a story they tell themselves and others. And often the longer you tell a story, the more you believe it, even if initially you know it’s not true. And so eventually they may start truly believing it.

Either way, the first step is to create a version of events that is an alternative to what actually happened or what’s going on.

Lying

While delusion is more of an internal process, lying and denial is often in the context of other people.

Regular people deal with their problems by themselves, internally. Or they discuss it in a very private setting: in therapy or among very close, healthy people. Narcissists don’t have people like that in their life and are not really interested in actually resolving anything or being introspective.

Narcissists simply want to know that they are in the right. For that, they need other people’s false validation to regulate their shaky self-esteem. They need to find people who would agree with them. And in order for others to agree with them, these other people either need to be terribly unhealthy and unable to recognize their toxic tendencies, or the narcissist needs to lie and present a different story than what is actually true.

Here, they tend to flip the roles where they are good, noble, caring, virtuous and the other person is evil, cruel, selfish, and immoral. Which brings us to the next point….

Projection

The most common way narcissists create alternative narratives is by projecting. We’ve talked about narcissistic projection in a separate article but to extract the main point, narcissists love to project.

If they say that the other person is jealous of them, then you know that the narcissist is jealous. If they say that the other person was cruel to them, then you know that the narcissist was cruel to the other person. If they say that the other person was lying and cheating, then you know they were the one lying and cheating.

Yes, sometimes it’s not as simple and there could be unhealthy behavior on both sides, but more often than not whatever the narcissist is presenting the other person as is a much more accurate description of the narcissist.

Whatever the case may be, the mechanism here is that in the narcissist’s mind they try to attribute their own unhealthy behavior, perspective, and character traits to the other person because it shifts attention and responsibility from them. And if the other person “is” all these bad things then it can’t be that I am these things—thinks the narcissist—I’m the good guy here.

Framing the story

Narcissists also like to truncate the story and present only the bit where the aggrieved party reacted to their toxic behavior, framing it as if that’s where the story started (see picture).

Or they twist it by using euphemisms and deceiving language (“I’m not controlling, I just want what’s best for you.”).

For example, if a narcissist dislikes you and tries to bully you but you stand up for yourself, they will frame it as if they are the ones being a victim of bullying. In their narrative they were just doing their thing or joking around and you started being mean to them. Meanwhile, they simply left out what happened beforehand when they bullied you, so actually you “being mean” to them is a normal response to toxic behavior.

Here, by leaving out or downplaying their aggression they simply frame you engaging in self-defense as vile aggression against them. And then they think: “How dare you react or challenge me! You’re so sensitive and unfair! That’s why you deserve everything that’s coming!”

Slander, triangulation, character assassination

There are several ways how the narcissist employs their lies and projections, and the goal is always to turn others against you in hope that they won’t try to figure out the truth.

One of the ways to do that is triangulation. In psychology, it means controlling and manipulating communication between two parties. It is related to gossiping, smearing, and slandering, where the narcissist spreads false information around. A more extreme version of all of that is character assassination, where the lies are much more severe and damaging.

Closer analysis

If you actually examine the narcissist’s narrative, you quickly notice that they are full of crap.

For instance if you examine a narcissistic parent who tells others how you hurt them and say mean things, you quickly notice that they are the one who constantly demeans, disrespects, and manipulates the adult-child. And when the child becomes more assertive and stops giving them resources (time, money, attention), they see it as aggression because they feel entitled to those resources.

If you examine further, you notice that not only the narcissistic parent was initially disrespecting the adult-child’s boundaries, but is also retaliating further now by manipulating others into siding with them.

The same is the case in professional environments or personal relationships. The narcissistic party does something toxic, the aggrieved party reacts and stops the perpetrator or distances from them, and then the narcissist retaliates by trying to shape the social opinion into a narrative where they are the good, righteous party. Sometimes they even convince others to bully and intimidate the target further.

These methods often rely on the target not having a support system or being isolated. This increases the narcissist’s chances of others siding with them and not with the victim.

Summary and closing words

Narcissists can’t accept that they may not be wonderful people. They are also incredibly fragile when facing an idea that perhaps they did something wrong, especially if others can see it. Therefore if there’s a conflict they will do anything and everything to maintain a fantasy that they are always good, all while perceiving the other party as evil.

Not only that, they need other people’s validation that their delusion is true. To achieve that, they create preposterous, slanderous, manipulative narratives where all of that is true and try to convince others of it. And since many people are unwilling and unable to look into the truth behind it, the narcissist can find that validation they so desperately crave and even act out their revenge fantasies. Often the reason is as simple as hating to see others doing well because they themselves are miserable.

As a result, sometimes people get seriously hurt: socially, financially, emotionally, or even physically. But the narcissist doesn’t care about that. In fact they are often glad, because in their narrative the target deserves it by being “evil,” so whatever happens is justified.

Of course not everyone can see the truth when listening to the narcissist but it’s quite evident looking from the outside or if you have enough psychological insight and experience. And if you are wise and educated enough on it, you can avoid getting into these situation, minimize the damage, sever your ties with them more quickly, and protect yourself better.

Attachment Disorder: When the Very Foundation of Being Human is Altered – Emerging Mama

Attachment Disorder: When the Very Foundation of Being Human is Altered – Emerging Mama
— Read on emergingmama.com/attachment-disorder-foundation-human-altered/

A favourite tactic of abusers now has a name – DARVO

Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

A favourite tactic of abusers is DARVO which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse the Victim and Offender. This tactic is widely used by abusers and doesn’t only apply to sexual offenders.

Jennifer J Freyd at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, Stanford Univerity has drawn attention to the phenomenon of DARVO amongst wrongdoers with a particular focus on sexual offenders.

In my experience any manipulative character (psychopath/sociopath/narcissist) will engage in this manoeuvre when challenged over their behaviour. This applies in settings ranging from the home to the court room to the societal scale.

Abusers have learned to adopt what is sometimes known as the “complementary moral defense” to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. In adopting this “defense” which is more of an offensive manoeuvre, they adopt the infallible righteous position and attempt to locate all badness outside of themselves in an attempt to maintain dominance…

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What happens when you break up with a psychopath and you have kids

Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

It is quite common for a male abuser to claim to be the perfect father and accuse his ex-partner of trying to alienate the children. In reality he is only interested in continuing to control his ex-partner and uses the children to abuse by proxy [my own opinions and experience, always take legal advice]

When you break up with a man with psychopathic traits, especially if you initiate the breakup, in the words of Profesor Dr. Iñaki Piñuel, an expert on relationships with psychopaths, you need to prepare for a “nuclear winter” that lasts for years.

Psychopaths see the breakdown of the relationship as a challenge to their dominance. You belong to them and you have their stuff (the kids). They would rather destroy you than allow you to escape their control.

The following is based on my own experience of leaving a man with psychopathic traits but I have…

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Abusers in the Family Court and the double binds that lead to complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Spiritual Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse

A double bind is a no-win dilemma in which to avoid circumstance A you must take an action resulting in another circumstance B, which is also harmful. There is no route you can take to avoid the initial traumatic circumstance without engendering another.

Double binds are used deliberately in torture situations to break victims psychologically. They are also very common in custody disputes against abusive personalities. The following are based on my personal experiences in a custody dispute with a man with psychopathic traits:

Double Bind 1

You feel guilty, blame yourself for his behaviour, and are easily convinced to give him more chances but he abuses you more and creates more chaos. He confuses you and tells you it is all your fault. You fall further under his control due to his threats and have even more trouble setting strong boundaries. By trying to appease him, this gives him…

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