I left my ex a few years ago. We have 4 kids ages 23,21 and 17 year old twins. I was a stay at home mom for 21 years. My ex throughly alienated my kids, my family and my friends. It was brutal. The worst time of my life. I was alone with everyone I loved on my exes side.
Fast forward a year later and my kids and my family came back to me. They started sharing stories and what my ex was saying didn’t add up. I was beyond thrilled to have my kids and my family back.
It feels fake. We have some great times and have taken weekends away that were so much fun. But it feels fake sometimes. I always feel like I’m walking a fine line, and I am. It’s an ebb and flow sometimes the contact goes for months at a time. Sometimes they pull away. My oldest daughter seems to be the ring leader of when they talk to me and when they don’t. They all come to me when shit hits the fan with their dad and that happens often. Usually involving money.
I’ve set no boundaries because I’m terrified of them leaving again. And they did leave.
A couple of weeks ago my oldest daughter called me in a panic. Her dad bought a dog for her after our divorce and I have never seen the dog before. My ex apparently gave the dog something to eat that it shouldn’t have eaten and the dog began throwing up and wouldn’t stop. She asked her dad yo go to an emergency vet with her and he of course said no, the dog would be fine. She called me and I said I would go with her. The emergency vet bill was over $500 and she made no move to pay for it so I did. I became frustrated and told her that it’s her dad who should pay the bill since he’s the one that made her dog sick. Probably shouldn’t have said that but I did. I am the go to person and provide them with all their clothes, medical appts, school stuff and they don’t live with me. I’m am asked often to buy food for them because there isn’t food in the house they like. I ask myself often why am I buying food for them for their dads house???
Anyway I set some boundaries and tried to explain in a loving way without ever bad mouthing their dad that since they live with him maybe they should ask him to buy food they like and I wasn’t really in a financial position to pay $500 vet bills. (I’m a teacher and my ex makes a ridiculous amount of money) that didn’t go over well and they all stopped talking to me.
My twins birthday was in July and I didn’t get to see them. My mom sent money and gifts and my son who is 17 returned the money and gifts to my mom. My mom didn’t deserve this!
I know for a lot of you, you would love to have any contact and I get that. For me this is almost worse than not having contact. I never know when they will pull away again. It’s a constant roller coaster and every time they leave again it ruins me a little bit more. I’m tired of being the one texting them and telling them I’m sorry and basically begging for them to
come back. This time I haven’t done any of that. I set boundaries that my oldest daughter didn’t like and she (they) walked away.
When does it get better? Should I continue to be a door mat and let them treat me badly so they will be in my life? My therapist said boundaries are great but it sure didn’t work for me. I’m angry. I walked away from their narcissistic dad, I didn’t walk away from them.
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 