The following post by Craig Childress Psy.D.,, speaks to a pathology
ignored as Domestic Abuse /Child Abuse erases family’s by targeting
1 parent in all manner of lies ..often the child , adult is perceived
as NPD , when it’s long held trauma , unnoticed , unhealed , grieving
each day, triggered …as we witness the Domestic Abuse and erasure of
Immigrant families , disappearance of children, failure to be able
to reconnect ..We many targeted parents live with the same dynamics
and the same failures within systems that are supposed to know better.
Childress has it down, as to why this has been allowed through social
norms that have no normalcy , but are very lucrative and powerful
from the top down.. adapting to DSM conjecture of the human beings
mental state …ignoring facts as in my case …upheld as an authority
that has no failings , nor responsibility .,
Gig is up ; it has been along time coming .. Gladly laying this burden
Narcissistic psychopathology lies. It lies a lot. It lies all the time. For the narcissistic personality, “Truth and reality are what I assert them to be.”
Mental health professionals who work with narcissistic personality pathology – which includes all mental health professionals working with high-conflict families – should recognize that the narcissistic personality lies. They lie a lot. They lie all the time.
In the world of normal, there is an agreed upon truth and reality. But this is not true when we enter the world of narcissistic psychopathology. The world of the narcissist is a world of their own construction.
In the world of normal, there can be multiple perceptions about events that we can bring together into an agreed upon narrative for what truth and reality are. Not so, when we enter the world of narcissistic psychopathology. The narcissistic pathology has no grounding in actual truth or realty.
Narcissistic psychopathology creates its own alternate universe of truth and reality that bears little resemblance to actual truth and reality. There is not a compromise between different views, because one view is delusional.
And there is no point in arguing with a delusion, or presenting rational facts, truth, and reality to the delusional belief. A delusion – by definition – is a fixed and false belief that is impervious to change based on facts, truth, and reality. If we could change a delusion by presenting it with truth and reality, it wouldn’t be delusional.
There is no point arguing with a delusion. Narcissistic pathology enters the world of delusional.
Theodore Millon is one of the grand kahunas of personalities disorders. He is the author of the gold standard of personality disorder assessment – the MCMI. Here is what Millon says about the narcissistic personality’s hold on reality:
From Millon: “Under conditions of unrelieved adversity and failure, narcissists may decompensate into paranoid disorders. Owing to their excessive use of fantasy mechanisms, they are disposed to misinterpret events and to construct delusional beliefs.”
The narcissistic personality does not always live in the same world of shared truth and reality as the rest of us non-pathology people do. They live in enough of our shared reality so as not to be obviously pathological, but they are pathological.
Aaron Beck is the grand high kahuna of professional psychology. Beck is almost single-handedly responsible for developing an entire scientifically grounded school of psychotherapy, Cognitive-Behavior Therapy. He is also an expert in personality disorder pathology. Here is what Aaron Beck says about the belief systems of the narcissistic personality:
From Beck: “Another conditional assumption of power is the belief of exemption from normal rules and laws, even the laws of science and nature.” (Beck et al., 2004, p. 251-252)
“…even the laws of science and nature.” Yep. For the narcissistic personality, “Truth and reality are whatever I assert them to be.”
All mental health professionals working with attachment-related family pathology surrounding divorce must have a professional level of knowledge regarding narcissistic and borderline personality pathology. This is not optional knowledge. It is knowledge required for professional competence in assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of pathology.
The narcissistic personality lies. It lies a lot. It lies all the time. And it’s delusional.
Craig Childress, Psy.D.
Clinical Psychologist, PSY 18857
In words , so beautifully articulated a love letter arrived and I must share.
Everything will be alright , if this I am sure . I am currently experiencing a tempered transformation, thankfully , for I have maintained, even in the worst of times , I have erred , I have moved forward , with tools provided by loving hands , gently voices, tuff live and fear based examples from with in and without. A recent living waking dream , albeit with a short shelf life …taught me well.
A cycle has indeed ended for all of us…Constriction, of your truth leads to much harm … I was abled to transform a very heavy negative , with accumulated experiences , folks who are generous in their smiles, eye contact , hugs , a knowing of trials of life , in a circle …never unbroken .
My heart is beyond joy, as a Dream Weaver , to several beloveds , current and past and several blood relatives who have space , and are ready as am I…Shift .
I am where I want to be. I am becoming the person I can live with in harmony , born of much loss…as knowledge gifted , and earned articulated , my credo more than resurrected and refined , I can more accurately be who I am.. be more centered , listen more , as I read this the 1st time I read the post , I was listening to Joni Mitchell sing Clouds .
Earlier tonight I posted on FB , pictures of my afternoon experience
Watching clouds , taking pictures , just being in my loneness, but not lonely .
To me this is LIBERATION , a more inclusive FREEDOM.
I had a long conversation and an email in the last 24 hours that allowed me to acknowledge weak spots , and dealing with em with highest of intents .
Hope Does Indeed Float !
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You are busily adjusting to new emotions, physical shifts, and intellectual AHAs. Throughout this phase, you will likely feel like an emotional yo-yo.
Even though you are physically, emotionally, and intellectually quite able to integrate these pieces into a new whole, at times, you will feel as if you are on extreme overload. For not only are you shifting throughout your being, so are those of 3D, creating chaos that may seem overwhelming.
Our past messages indicated that those wishing to remain of 3D would be even more adamant about displaying 3D emotions and actions – while those beginning to shift and those of you at the forefront would slip from 3D control.
It is a time of 3D destruction. The phase that follows, which begins after the July 2018 eclipses, is that of the 5D rebuild.
As that rebuild begins, you will often feel as if it is hopeless, as if those with 5D or beyond intentions will never be stronger than those solidly enmeshed in 3D. But day by day you will begin to see progress occurring within hours instead of years or decades. For large groups and communities will turn their backs, so to speak, on 3D control. Forcing those of 3D control to fight back dramatically until their fight seems to be a parody or comedy of life as the world moves into love and joy.
Even though such does not seem possible today, it will happen.
So let us turn to your shifts of the next few days. Your emotions, even your physicality will experience wide swings. Not to punish you but instead created by you to determine who you are.
As has always been true of earth beings – even though you are evolving, you continue to be an earth being – you find it difficult to select something without experiencing it to some degree. So your emotional, intellectual, and physical swings the next few days are helping you choose you.
You will find yourself knowing that you like that, but not this. So it is you are rebuilding you.
Imagine the next few days as the difference between building a crude mud hut, as was true in your 3D world, or creating a home of extreme personal beauty and pleasure. For the hut protected you from the elements but did not satisfy your inner need for beauty and self-care.
You are creating yourself anew and are doing so not out of fear as you have for eons, but of joy and fun – your new creation components.
Your question the next few days is “Who am I?” Once you determine that, you will expand your energy to help those reconfiguring structures.
As has always been true, you are the key component to creating something perfect for you. Then and only then, you will expand those energies to create for the masses – either physically or through energy sharing.
Before this transition, the masses were more important than the individual. Masses controlled in fear by a few.
New Earth and new you are exactly opposite for if you allow or encourage others to control you, you are merely exchanging one 3D world for another; allowing someone to determine what is good for you based on what is most rewarding for them.
In 3D, the question of who you are was voiced but never acted upon for those in control could not have you declaring complete freedom. So you continued lifetime after lifetime changing the rules here and there but always under the control of someone’s dictates.
For the first time on earth, you are claiming your self-contained being and doing so by adding segments of your past, present, and future beings. The next few days are merely you creating a new whole from the segments or colors you now have available.
Thinking in terms of each segment having unique skills and therefore colors, you are creating a new you painting of great pleasure. Some of you will discover that you prefer watercolors to oil paints and others different mediums but all creating images easily changeable until you create the perfect image, blending colors, or discarding this and that much as someone creating a sculpture would.
Exploring those new skills will be your chaos of the next few days. Putting a bit here, painting or cutting over it, selecting another color, emotion, entity, or segment until it is just right.
So it is the next few days, you will be revamping all your personal bits and pieces into the complete being required for your new you role of joy. Do not be frightened anymore than is true for an actor testing how to best present his or her lines, a sculptor cutting away the stone, or a painter testing images and colors.
You are creating you in every joyful way possible. Even though doing so may seem a bit frightening for it is a change without an earth precedent. Allow it to be without fear. So be it. Amen.
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The Petition to the APA asserts the right of targeted parents for professional competence in the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of their children and families. Article 3 of the Petition to the APA describes four domains of great concern regarding potential violations of the APA ethics code: Standard 2.01 Boundaries of Competence Standard 9.01 Bases […]
When many people hear that someone is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, their first question is, “Why don’t they leave?” If you’ve never been through an abusive relationship, this sort of response might seem logical. Just throw the deuces up and move on with your life – right? But here’s the thing – when it comes to relationship abuse, it’s never as easy as “just leaving.” We’re here to tell you why.
Leaving an abusive relationship is hard for many reasons. Here are 11 of the many reasons that someone in an unhealthy or toxic situation might stay with their partner.
1. Society normalizes unhealthy behavior so people may not understand that their relationship is abusive.
When you think that unhealthy or abusive behaviors are normal, it’s hard to identify your relationship as abusive and therefore there’s no reason to seek help.
2. Emotional abuse destroys your self-esteem, making it feel impossible to start fresh.
Oftentimes, people in emotionally abusive relationships may not understand that they are being abused because there’s no violence involved. Also, many will dismiss or downplay emotional abuse because they don’t think it’s as bad as physical abuse. It’s hard for those in abusive relationships to leave their partners after they’ve continuously been made to feel worthless and like there’s no better option for themselves.
3. The Cycle of Abuse: after every abusive incident comes a make-up honeymoon phase.
Often when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by the abuser doing something nice or apologizing and promising that they will never do it again. This makes their partner minimize the original abusive behavior.
4. It’s dangerous to leave. Like, VERY dangerous.
Many times, leaving an abusive relationship is not only emotionally difficult, but can also be life-threatening. In fact, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is post break-up. Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time during the relationship.1
The best way to protect yourself if you are in an abusive relationship is to create a safety plan. For help creating one, check out our My Plan App.
5. It’s not just hard to breakup safely, it’s also hard to escape the cycle of control.
People in abusive relationships often attempt to break up with their partner several times before the break up sticks. On average, a person in an abusive relationship will attempt to leave 7 times before finally leaving for good. People in abusive relationships often attempt to break up with their partner several times before the break up sticks. On average, a person in an abusive relationship will attempt to leave 7 times before finally leaving for good.2
6. Society perpetuates a ride-or-die mindset.
Those in unhealthy or abusive relationships might stay with their partner or get back together after a break up because they feel pressure to not give up, forgive and forget or “ride it out.” Pop culture glamorizes being a “ride-or-die” for your friends and partner, making people out to be in the wrong for leaving their partner. And while being loyal is a great thing, a good friend or partner would never endanger or hurt you.
7. They feel personally responsible for their partner or their behavior.
After a conflict, an abuser will turn the situation around and make their partner feel guilty or as though they are somehow at fault. This type of behavior is known as gaslighting.
8. They believe that if they stick it out, things might change.
A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner’s behavior is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves. Never stay in a relationship in which you count on someone to change their behavior for the better.
9. There is social pressure to be in a perfect relationship.
There is incredible pressure to be in a perfect relationship, and some cultures and social media only accentuate this pressure.
10. Fear of how others will react.
People in abusive relationships often feel embarrassed to admit that their partner is abusive for fear of being judged, blamed, marginalized, pitied or looked down on. For example, in some LGBTQIA* relationships, someone may stay with their partner for fear of being outed.
11. They share a life together.
Marriage, children, and shared finances are often huge reasons that people in abusive relationships stay in them. This dependency is heightened in relationships where one partner is differently abled. But there are also similar factors that affect young people’s decisions to stay in relationships, including shared friend groups and living situations.
There are lots of elements that influence a person’s decision to stay in an abusive relationship. And while seeking help to get out of these relationships is the most important thing, blaming someone in an abusive relationship is never okay. There is a big difference between judgment and responsibility. While someone might have used bad judgment by staying in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, it does not mean that they are responsible, or asking, for the abuse perpetrated against them.
Lack of this emotion helps identifies a certain type of narcissist. Many narcissist do not feel much envy, research finds.