Disordered Pathogenic Parenting – Charlie McCready

In many cases (though not all of course), the alienating parent operates from a place of deep-seated emotional neediness rooted in their own childhood experiences. If they lacked sufficient love and secure attachment during their formative years, they may have developed an attachment style characterised by anxiety or insecurity. This void creates an overwhelming desire for their child to fulfil unmet emotional needs—an expectation for unwavering loyalty and affection.⁠

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In this dynamic, the child becomes a vessel for the parent’s unresolved trauma and unfulfilled desires. The alienating parent may project their need for love onto the child, expecting them to provide the unconditional support and affirmation they missed out on. This demand can manifest as controlling or possessive behaviour, where the parent subtly or overtly communicates that love and loyalty come with conditions: to reject, demonise, or distance themselves from the other parent. Truly a cruel thing to inflict on a child – some do this unconsciously, others quite deliberately. ⁠

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For the child, if they do not comply or fail to provide the desired level of loyalty, it may trigger the alienating parent’s fear of abandonment and inadequacy. They might respond with manipulation, guilt, or emotional coercion, reinforcing the notion that the child’s love is contingent upon rejecting the other parent. The underlying message is clear: the child must choose sides and prioritise the alienating parent’s needs or risk losing the affection and approval they crave. Again, this is disordered, pathogenic parenting. ⁠

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Ultimately, this creates a toxic cycle of dependence and alienation, where the child feels torn between their natural bond with both parents and the appalling expectations imposed by the alienating parent. It undermines the child’s sense of autonomy, fosters confusion, and cultivates a skewed perception of love—one that is contingent on loyalty rather than the unconditional acceptance and support that every child deserves.⁠

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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