It may start with what seems like innocent enough excuses: Uncle Bulgaria is over for the weekend and we’ve not seen him in years, so we’ll have to skip this weekend. And yet there’s no effort to make up your lost time. Maybe there’s a school rehearsal: they can’t miss it. And yet there’s not a reason given as to why they can’t do that from your house or a discussion about possible solutions. All the excuses mount up and it becomes obvious that everyone and everything else takes priority over your child spending time with you. If and when you get ‘given’ the time, it may well be, with all the excuses under the sun, sabotaged, shortened, or overshadowed.
Another issue that when ‘allowed’ time with your child, alienating tactics may include constant text messages or phone calls which make the child feel guilty, angry, upset. They might be told how much more fun they’d be having if they didn’t ‘have to’ be with you. The child will get the impression, loud and clear, that it’s a nuisance for them, and annoying for their ‘good’ parent whenever they spend time with the ‘bad’ parent, the one who is ruining everyone’s fun. Contact, even when indirect such as a phone call or a text message, can be even labelled ‘harassment’ in some cases.
Subliminal programming of a sort has been inflicted on the child, a form of emotional manipulation and psychological abuse. Subtly but most certainly, the child will realise that the alienating parent is delighted when the child ‘chooses’ not to spend time with the other parent. The child may even be rewarded for contact refusal. These patterns of contact refusal are the first signs that the child is being alienated.
Do any of these signs sound familiar to you?
If you face these challenges, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through all this myself, with over 20 years of experience, and I am now reunited with my children. I am here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime—I’m here to help.
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