Boundaries – Charlie Mc Cready

Enforcing boundaries can be challenging for the targeted parent. The child may have been told you’re mean, so when you don’t buy that pony or new iPhone, they immediately reinforce those negative beliefs. And, of course, this is ridiculous, and the odds are unfairly stacked against us. Is the alienating parent buying that new pony or iPhone? No? But they’re not the ones getting judged. All eyes are on us. That is how the alienating parent has manipulated the situation. ⁠

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The temptation to give in and buy the child their sweeties is strong. Make life easy. Avoid conflict. I truly understand this. I also realise that, having been denied time (a little or a lot), we want to make the most of it and have the best time possible. So maybe we do overinduldge, more than we normally would. This is not a normal situation. It’s so important to have boundaries still. If we keep buying them those ‘sweeties’, let’s say we could potentially be ‘feeding a monster’. I’m not saying our children are monsters. But they are in a monstrous situation. And we risk unintentionally empowering the child further in the process of parental alienation. By not setting boundaries, the child may continue to manipulate or exploit the situation, which can perpetuate the alienation dynamic.⁠

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Setting boundaries, even in the face of resistance or hostility from the alienating parent or the child, is crucial. It helps establish a sense of stability and consistency for the child, which can benefit their emotional well-being. It also communicates to the child that their behaviour has limits and expectations, even if they have been influenced to believe otherwise. By enforcing boundaries, the targeted parent maintains their own integrity and self-respect. It helps prevent further erosion of their relationship with the child and can allow the child to eventually see through the manipulations and realise the truth.⁠

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Boundaries are a means to protect both your well-being and the potential for healing and reconciliation with your child in the long run.⁠

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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