For most of us, truth is the basis of our relationships and interactions, but there are prolific, even pathological, liars among us. When we don’t make a habit of lying, and we value truth and integrity, we can find it difficult to conceive of a life where deceit is the norm. It’s hard for us to conceive that someone we love/have loved would exploit our honesty, take advantage of us, and not operate with good intentions.
Liars often engage in gaslighting, a manipulative tactic where they deliberately make someone doubt their own reality or perception of events. Gaslighting can create cognitive dissonance in the victim. An internal conflict can lead to confusion, and self-doubt, making it easier for the liar to maintain control and deception. Skilled manipulators are often charming, charismatic and confident, which can further mask their dishonesty.
People who are high in Machiavellianism (unemotional, indifferent to morality, manipulative, often using deceit to achieve their goals) tend to tell significantly more lies than a typical person. Studies reveal that those with highly concealed, low self-esteem lie more. Those who view lying as acceptable, a means to an end, also tend to be the more prolific liars. Those who feel entitled, and those in high-status occupations have been found to be more likely to lie more.
Why do liars lie? Lies can be a coping mechanism, a defence against perceived threats, or a means to achieve personal gain. Those who lie often develop diversions, and intricate stories and justifications, making it difficult for others to discern the truth. Shared persecutory delusions refer to situations where alienating parents, often with narcissistic tendencies or those suffering from certain mental health disorders, create false beliefs and convince their children of the same. Alienating parents manipulate mental health and family court professionals through gaslighting and deceit, saying they only act in the best interest of the child. By presenting a distorted version of events and casting the targeted parent in a negative light, they create confusion and doubt, leading the ‘experts’ to align with the manipulative narrative. The professionals’ lack of awareness of alienating behaviours allows the abusive parent to have their lies believed, and when they ‘win’ (get away with it), they remain convinced of their own righteousness.
They don’t always get away with it. More of them have broken relationships. Having said that, narcissists and Machiavellian types will stay with people who don’t challenge or confront them and who will tolerate, ignore or even support their deceit and lies, particularly if they benefit too. This applies to business and romantic relationships.
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