It is mind blowing to watch our narcissistic family members avoid the obvious and easily escape taking any accountability. It doesn’t matter how many times you try and pin the tail on the donkey, it will not stick to our toxic family members.
The more the truth is pointed out to them, the more defensive they get, the more they try and stick the blame somewhere else. In some way this is gold for you. The defensiveness you experience in your narcissistic family members is as close to an admission of wrongdoing as you will get.
The reason everything makes them defensive is because they are never operating in their integrity. If you can see this for what it is, it will help you to laugh, disengage and move on from these wasteful conversations.