When our relationship with our child has been damaged because of the alienating behaviours of our ex, it becomes very challenging to establish boundaries and normal parental authority because we fear inadvertently worsening an already strained and limited relationship. It’s common for alienated parents to feel like they’re walking on eggshells around their child. There are truths we’d like to tell them, but an alienated child often fiercely resists hearing the truth about their situation and reacts with anger and denial due to their psychological defence mechanism against confronting uncomfortable realities. The alienating parent has empowered the child to pass judgment, criticise, and emotionally disconnect, so of course, there’s a genuine worry that asserting parental authority might create even more physical and/or emotional distance between us and our child.
Equally, it’s always a good idea to do what we can to avoid being walked over! And if it’s not us saying to our child, ‘That’s not a kind way to treat somebody’ or ‘Those are the rules in my house’, it’s not going to be anyone else. It’s about boundaries and teaching our children respectful behaviour. This is challenging during those teenage years when they’re more predisposed to rebellion anyway; they don’t need a lot of encouragement. It is fairly easy for an alienating parent to take full advantage of this.
Our relationship with our children, being so wilfully harmed and unstable, prevents us from fully relaxing and enjoying the time together. This certainly doesn’t help. Challenging and unnecessary as it is, we just have to keep being patient, empathetic and understand this is not their authentic behaviour. We have been thrown into a warzone together, one we’re trying to survive, and it’s not one we chose to participate in. Focus on building a peaceful, safe and supportive space for your child, even if they cannot fully grasp the truth of their situation at the moment. Over time, with consistent love and care, there’s a chance that they might be able to see through the manipulation, hear the truth, and heal.
If you are going through parental alienation, know you’re not alone. I’ve been through it myself. Personally and professionally, I have over 20 years of experience. I am reunited with my children and here to offer support with daily posts on social media and also with the coaching I offer. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.
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