As I listened to this professional discuss this topic , I was further liberated by what I’ve known for decades about the past.
I grew up with a Mom who was not demonstrative, did not seem concerned or loving at all, leaving me to feel ” tolerated ” and enslaved to her , though I did not allow her slave like need of me to tie me down, I didn’t take advantage of my ” free time ” . I was at friend’s houses a lot , a motherless child .
This indifference was extremely painful when I was ill, or needed guidance. And this pain was deep, I didn’t know the word was neglect . She was cold and I have spent tons of hours of time learning all I could , and understand the “side effects ” of Twilight Sleep ” given to her in labor with me . Hypnotic drugs , a cocktail which took her so deep into that nothingness , we lost our connection, or bond .m
To my complete, undoing I wed that energy , of not caring , not participating and in fact reflecting anger at having me ill and not preforming a duty .
I had that come up in a self reading …his rage was intensified when I could not take care of our family … I felt that intuitively.
Unalive made better sense to him , so normal could be restored . Waiting until several were away from home , I don’t think he searched for a Mother for our sons.
Of course he never sought help for me, had anyone stay with me etc. So my grief was rancid ,mon top of the illness of being prescribed medication for something I didn’t have
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 