Trauma Bonds – Charlie McCready

How can the child still suffer from trauma bonds and loyalties towards the abusive alienating parent even when the truth about their behaviour comes to light? How can the child come over to see me but not take off their coat as if they won’t settle in or stay long? How can we have plans for them to spend the first Christmas with me in a decade, but then, at the last minute, they cancel because they say nobody should be alone at Christmas and they need to be with their other parent forgetting or ignoring the fact I’ve spent many Christmases without them? Why don’t they tell me about important events in their life? Is it a habit to keep me at a ‘safe’ distance after all these years? Why do they mostly call when they want a favour? Why do they still believe I abandoned them? These have been some of my questions.

Reconciliation between an alienated child and a rejected parent can be a complex and challenging process, and it is not uncommon for the effects of parental alienation to persist even after the truth comes to light. The alienating parent employed various emotional manipulation tactics to create trauma bonds with the child and instil fear, guilt, or loyalty. Breaking these bonds can be difficult, as the child may have internalised these messages and developed a distorted perception of the rejected parent. The child may have experienced emotional abuse, coercion, or threats from the alienating parent, leading to deep-seated fear and trust issues. Rebuilding trust and feeling safe with the rejected parent can take time and require ongoing support. The child may struggle with conflicting emotions and beliefs. They may have been taught to see the rejected parent as the enemy or as someone unworthy of love, and reconciling this narrative with the new information can be psychologically challenging. The child may feel strongly loyal to the alienating parent, even if they were abusive or manipulative. This loyalty can stem from a fear of abandonment, a desire for approval, or a need to protect the alienating parent’s feelings.

Healing takes time. The child – or young adult – needs to process their emotions, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and rebuild their relationship with the rejected parent. What’s vital is that you do your healing first so you can welcome them with open arms, having let go of your anger and grief, and just give them love.

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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