Reconciliation- Charlie McCready

It is hard for an alienated child, especially in adolescence, to become independent of the alienating parent and reconcile with us. They have such a burden of guilt, and they also fear rejection and retaliation – they know, just as much as we do, just how badly, frighteningly, and abusively the alienator can behave when upset or triggered. But at some point, when more mature, given some distance from the alienator, and with an innate curiosity about their ‘other’ parent, things can change. Even before, they may find living with the alienator intolerable, and they seek emancipation. Sometimes the child discovers the alienating parent is incapable of the emotional support the child needs. Or they get rejected by the alienator. The alienated child can return more easily when the ‘target’ parent remains welcoming, stable, and happy to receive them, without drama or retribution. This child may or may not be willing to come to terms with their enmeshment in their alienating parent’s pathological behaviours. They may need support with this. And It will help if the ‘target’ parent has done what they could to understand alienation from all perspectives. The child may not want to discuss it, but our understanding helps. We’ve not given up and have done all we can to remain strong, happy, resilient, and absolutely there for our ‘lost’ child whenever they’re ready to return and reconcile. They know we don’t put any guilt or blame on them or expect them to explain themselves, and we don’t tell them the pain it put us through or insist they hear our side of the story. We may even have to let them unburden themselves of all the false narratives they’ve been fed but not react with anger, remembering this was a form of psychological abuse and coercion inflicted on them. They’ll need time to unload and reprogramme. If we’ve done the emotional work and built up our resilience and understanding, we’ll be better equipped to deal with this (it’s not easy, the temptation is strong to put things right and tell our truth). You will see their love for us wasn’t destroyed. It was tampered with and obstructed. And they will see we never stopped loving them either.

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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