Christmas Trees

I have had a few , live and artificial . I even found a tree stand like my parents , but lost it in a force home move . Landlord was a hoarder , most have been loaded with confiscated items . One would come in and ask where I bought something and how much it cost .

Christmas 2021 a lovely soul gave me a small tree and ornaments , I found some in the years that I was in family and I celebrated on my own. It’s not a season I share myself with . It meant something to sons if I gave but did not receive . Clearly a power move to show me my place , but it was a sweet coffee cup and a small offering of sweets that I gave away 💚

Yes it’s the thought that counts and watching the grand gifts given ex , and his siblings and their children , with my token gift was not hard to grasp or reject . I got the message loud and clear

Preferring cash , ex testified he saved $4, 000 to spend on kids and grandkids

His gifts were not sensitive to my spirit and he always had to be told what I wanted

His Mom received ultra lavish gifts chosen by eldest daughter whose perfection was absolute

Christmas is sacred to me for many reasons and I’ve had to squish all the joy filled memories shared with our sons when they were younger and not yet culled into using holidays to define their distortion

They choose to ignore the trauma associated with X mad 98 ; he left the 27th

Christmas 99 he spent Christmas with his new supply and her kids and each of us were morose in our effort to enjoy out first Christmas with out Dad ❤️‍🩹

So Christmas with me was expendable as he made his point and newbie had the win she constantly strived for !

I stopped putting up a Christmas tree🎄 a couple of years ago. Something about wanting the perfect tree, the perfect decorations, the perfect gifts, the perfect holiday meal 🍽️ and the perfect “Holi-DAY”was just too much for my already overly hyper perfectionism tendencies.
So, I let it go. I let go of the need to make everything look perfect for the understanding that EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE is perfect. We are perfectly flawed and perfectly loved. Whether you sit at my invisible tree 🎄or someone else’s, it really doesn’t matter. I love you just the same. It’s not always about just who is sitting around your tree because many of us have been in the season of fake trees for far too long. I found The Secret to Life. Everyday is important not just the holidays. Everyone is important everyday not just on special occasions. For me, the true joy of life is more about who we hold in our heart ♥️ and who holds us in theirs♥️
Live everyday with love
xoxo
Synolve

Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: