Parental alienation can become particularly severe, leading to complete alienation, interrupted contact, and prolonged legal battles. This level of alienation is often associated with the involvement of a parent displaying Cluster B personality disorders, which include Narcissistic, Borderline, Anti-social, and Histrionic personality disorders. These disorders are characterised by erratic, emotional behaviours that can significantly affect parenting.
In the context of parental alienation, the focus is often on parents with narcissistic or borderline personality disorders, as they tend to be prevalent in these cases.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD): Narcissistic parents present a facade of perfect, successful parenting to the outside world while behind closed doors, it is marked by fear and control. They intimate: “Grow up and be wonderful, for me.” Traits include entitlement, emotional deprivation, and a lack of empathy.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): These parents fear abandonment and resort to manipulation and control to prevent it. They often use their children as emotional support. Sometimes, they threaten self-harm, even suicide, to maintain control and avoid abandonment whilst appearing very close to their children. This closeness is often a result of a lack of emotional boundaries, known as enmeshment. BPD parents might also engage in Fabricated Illness Syndrome or Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy, again to maintain control. They might say: “Bad things will happen to me (parent) if you leave.”
Family System Distortions: Family dynamics become distorted during parental alienation. The role-reversal relationship emerges, elevating the child’s role and causing the targeted parent’s authority to diminish. This is achieved through the child aligning with the alienating parent’s narrative. The alienator (the persecutor) becomes the rescuer, the child (victim) becomes the persecutor towards the targeted parent, and the targeted parent (also the victim) becomes the abuser in the child’s perception due to the manipulations of the alienator. Once the role-reversal relationship is established, the child’s thoughts and feelings intertwine with the alienating parent’s views. The child cannot distinguish their emotions and seeks validation from the alienating parent.
Family Projection: The family acts as a collective and can exhibit cult-like behaviours and shared beliefs passed down through generations, contributing to trauma reenactment resulting from unresolved family issues.
Emotional Cutoff: The targeted parent is completely excluded from the child’s life. This allows the child to avoid triggering anxiety in both the alienating parent and themselves. Sibling relationships are often strained, sometimes undergoing their own alienation in cases of step-siblings, and due to a lack of secure attachment, with children often vying for the alienating parent’s attention.
Understanding parental alienation and personality disorders provides some insight into the complex family dynamics that drive the behaviours that can lead to complete alienation and disrupted relationships.
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