So true !
I have dodged those in early awakening/ healing , because I did not want to take on their conflicts, nor have them involved in my clearing of past atrocities.
Mothers have seen me as a threat , a loss of control of their “ boy” who like Pete Pan , just did not want to grow up .
My Mom was neglectful, often in distorted energy , and I certainly felt her lack of caring for me through out my formative youth . She was non responsive for whatever reason, and that especially hurt when I was sick , began to menstruate, and educating me about boys and sex.. I did not have guidance in my home , did not feel love , nurture , protection , ie I did not feel I mattered . Without these vital knowledges , I was expected to leave home at 18, and I did, marring my 1st sexual partner , ashamed to not marry him, for lack of virginity for a marriage to someone else . He was all about his pleasure , and 9 months after I do s he was activated, never actually seeing was, and I felt it was time to break it off, and I did..
I am Thankful for the girlfriends and their Moms who helped guide me and my natural inclination not to be sexual . It was not with permission that I lost my virginity , it was a horrible experience and time did not create a more loving relationship, as he remained in his “ primal” energy .
I was more in my masculine energy for several years , and just withdrew after that ..
A very dear older female friend who was very wise , with whom I worked , told me years later that I had “ it “ , in my early 20 s and I didn’t really understand or grasp her intended meaning. I do now .
I have accepted my strengths , my energetic power , and am protective of it .
The masked man of distorted energy , who was my 3rd marriage held the energy of my Mom ; a sad fact I did not comprehend until after he abandoned me , after years of need , when I was toxicity drugged , and it was devastating to be aware each and every day that I did not mater, in normal ways . However , this had been showing up through out our marriage , especially in pregnancy and birth of our 3 sons .. He was busy , disassociated , neglectfully abusive , but allowed I wasn’t worthy of his time or care. I did begin to believe him as our family splintered , seeing this same disinterest evolve in our sons which was horrifying and has intensified during my recovery .
No support , no interest, in aiding me, I was their monster in the closet , their shame , and the targeted scapegoat for everything negative .
There have been many who have supported their views and mothered them , denigrating me , as the controller took overly vulnerable unhealed souls , in denial of the mother child bond that deserved healing . Comments of sympathy have been rare, one alluded to the financial abuse only, not the child psychological abuse I have been aware of since 1993 , as I noted the competition had amped up .
All this pleased ex MIL , who was not happy with her son’s choices , as his confidant and true partner , she then supported his getting out of a marriage or later a relationship that he place sole responsibility for failure on the other…
It is wonderful to acknowledge all this in a 3rd person perspective and observe the trauma bond that existed between past and his Mom, and how he influenced that trauma bond on our sins , with the help of a “ brother” psychiatrist.
I have been past , their past for over 2 decades , , yet accused of living in the past as I grieved the loss of our sons , my home, my health , my Mom, grandparents etc .
I won’t ever embrace another relationship that has these mother child unhealthy bonds …never ever .
He allowed his Mom to neglect me, abuse me , and spoke ill of me behind my back.. it was clearly the energy , almost always in her presence . That was deferred to our sons , noticeably , until he abandoned me and our sons , and then they were embraced as her daughters children were … never to degree of love and support .
It is vital to have a normally healthy self love ❤️, but too much ego or trauma is corruptive .
Lesson learned
Justin Bieber .. Love yourself …
https://youtu.be/pb4hWWMlFYg?si=jWiylrxZaJl5cgzn
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 