To rid themselves from having to own their own abusive, negative qualities, your toxic family members play the projection game. They see all the bad that is in them and attribute it to you.
They actively accuse you of being the abusive, mean, or evil person in the relationship. The blame you to make you defensive. When you naturally get defensive, it puts them back in control.
Projection is designed to confuse you, to make you question if you are in fact the bad, abusive person. Creating this kind of self-doubt is exactly what your abusers want.
If you find yourself in this crazy-making position, hold tight to who you know you are. Do not argue with a person like this. Do not try and defend against their projection. It doesn’t matter what they think about you. What matters is what you know about yourself.
You know who the real abuser is. It isn’t you. Case closed.