Carl Jung, the renowned psychiatrist, believed that we start life as a blank canvas, and our experiences gradually add colours to it. He introduced the concept that our minds are composed of two archetypes: the persona and the shadow self. The persona, derived from the Latin word for ‘mask,’ represents the image we present to the world and how we want to be seen. Our shadow aspects are the parts of ourselves that we learn to hide as we grow, experience life and learn the ‘rules’ about good and bad, right and wrong – and behaviours we feel we should hide in the shadows. These concealed feelings can transform into ‘dark’ emotions, which manifest as health issues, mood swings, fears, and mental health challenges. It might seem easier to ignore these shadows, but they keep showing up and growing until we confront them. As Carl Jung aptly said, “That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.” We all have dark and light aspects. If we learn to accept our shadows and where they came from, they will no longer frighten or ‘overshadow’ our lives. We can embrace them/our wholeness.
Parental alienators and those who profess to be strong, right, and best – including our leaders and governments – put up a front to cover deep wounds, traumas, victim patterns, and shadows. Until they heal, they can’t help others as they like to think they can. They often have hidden agendas and look for a saviour or support system. When we no longer fulfil their agenda, they shift from victim to persecutor and make us their targets. The deeper their wounds, the more vicious their attack. They are essentially battling their own projections, their shadows. We can try to practise loving detachment when we find ourselves in this abusive situation, especially concerning alienated children. Sending our love. Being loving. Striving to be happy. We must not allow others’ judgments and opinions to define our identity; they only define themselves. Most cannot see beyond their trauma and hurt and operate from this shadow place. We can heal our shadow aspects and love ourselves to better love others.
Just as we cannot deny the existence of the ‘dark side of the moon’ or have yin without yang, we must acknowledge that life encompasses both light and dark experiences. We all have those ‘dark’ days and experiences. It’s part of life. If we bury the stuff we don’t like or don’t feel comfortable with, it just rots and festers. It is hard but much better to unearth, accept, and even learn to love them. This process begins with acknowledging that the bad experiences do not define us. We are not parental alienation; it happened to us and our children. We are not defined by the rage, grief, and loss inflicted upon us by this experience. Recognising these experiences for what they are—events that occurred, feelings that were felt—is the first step. Viewing these experiences, even the traumatic and heartbreaking ones like alienation, as part of a journey that has yet to reach its destination allows us to learn acceptance. To deny these feelings and our ‘shadow self’ is to deny a part of ourselves, including how these experiences have shaped us. These events happened, and self-criticism serves no one. There is no need for shame; instead, work towards releasing the grief, guilt, and anger. Find strength within and shine your light not only for yourself but also for your child.
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