As we approach the universally celebrated Valentine’s Day on 14th February, traditionally devoted to romantic relationships, I’m thinking of another manifestation of love – the profound connection and natural, loving attachment bonds between parents and children. It is literally heartbreaking that this innate bond would ever be compromised or sabotaged by intentional alienating behaviours.
One particular Valentine’s Day quote caught my eye: “I am not searching for my other half because I am not half.” I like that it rebels against the idea that anyone could be incomplete without a romantic partner. This notion of finding our ‘other half’ implies a sense of lack, incompleteness in ourselves, or dependency on external relationships. It is the same for alienated parent. You are still wholly a mother or father, even when the other parent is engaged in harmful, selfish, alienating behaviours. You are not a half-person romantically or a half-person as a parent (this isn’t about those who parent half-heartedly). Have you seen the film Jerry McGuire? I love it, but when I hear the apparently romantic line, ‘You complete me,’ I feel nauseous. I would have run a mile if anyone ever said that to me. I don’t believe love involves any ownership, neediness or giving away our power.
Of course, there’s a beautiful kind of ecstasy when we meet someone; it can feel like an end to any confusion, loneliness, and sense of not being loved. And we can somehow ‘find ourselves’ and equally, we do ‘lose’ ourselves and our identity in certain roles – like when we become parents. Regarding attachment, we can fear losing what we identify with – I am a mother. I am a father. I am a teacher. I am a doctor … Secure attachments contribute to a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth, extending from childhood into adulthood. But being complete in ourselves, autonomous and practising self-love is vital for our children and us too.
Recognise that you are whole, strong, loved, and loving. Despite the anguish of ‘parental alienation,’ practise self-love today and every day. True love, often commercialised with red roses and chocolates, fully transcends manipulation, possessiveness and control.
#charliemccready
#parentalalienationcoach
#traumabonding
#parentalalienation
#parentalalienationawareness
#love
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 