Cognitive Dissonance-Charlie Mc Cready

Cognitive confusion contributes to the emotional cut-off and psychological splitting that an alienated child typically adopts to enable them to cope with what is a hugely stressful, confounding and challenging situation. They shut down. There are two conflicting narratives/parents. On the one side, they have the ‘favoured’ parent, whom they align with, believe, defend, protect, and often, deep down fear too. Then there’s the parent they have loved and who now is apparently out of bounds, bad, unloving and whatever else the alienating parent cares to attribute to them. But when the child finds out this isn’t true – their ‘good’ parent has lied to them – it may feel like they’ve got nowhere to turn. They’ve been coerced into rejecting a loving, loved parent. It is an appalling situation for them. The ‘target’ parent might seem out of limits, out of fear of upsetting the ‘favoured’ parent. The child may feel they’ve burned their bridges. The child was ‘asked’ to choose, but in fact, given little choice at all. They feel if they reach out to the ‘target’ parent, they lose the ‘only’ parent they have known to trust …. but who to trust now? It is incredibly isolating for the child. This is the impact of triangulation, which is another alienating behaviour. Divide and rule. Keep everyone apart so they can’t share notes and get to the truth. But cognitive dissonance is something that can be cured, with the truth, with time. Do all you can to keep your door open, be available when they call, keep it light if and when you see them, and try not to react to provocation or rudeness. They have suffered child psychological abuse and coercive control. It is terrible for them to have been put into that situation and not have known it, and it’s also terrible for them to know the truth of it. We have to treat them with great patience and love, as and when they ‘see the light’ one day. They may see it long before they ‘dare’ to come back to us or ever admit this realisation of the truth. They might be afraid and confused for some time and continue denying their alienating parent’s behaviours. This is difficult, I know, but we have to be careful not to rush them.

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser ..

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