Expressing your love and other emotions (anger, sadness, confusion) to your alienated child can paradoxically play into the hands of the alienating parent and exacerbate the divide. This counterintuitive nature of the situation arises due to several psychological dynamics at play:
Confirmation Bias: The alienating parent has probably already painted a negative image of you in your child’s mind. If you express your love, sadly, your child might perceive it as manipulative or insincere.
Emotional Manipulation: Alienating parents manipulate a child’s emotions, using guilt, fear, or anger to maintain control. Expressing your love openly might be misinterpreted by your child as an attempt to manipulate them (which is quite ironic).
Fear of Rejection: Your child, under the influence of the alienating parent, might fear facing rejection or anger if they show any signs of siding with you. This fear can prevent them from openly accepting the love offered, leading to a defensive response (angry words or actions).
A Defense Mechanism: Your child, consciously or subconsciously, might align with the alienating parent to cope with the cognitive dissonance caused by the alienating behaviours. Accepting the love from you might create internal conflict, triggering anxiety and confusion.
Projection of Alienating Parent’s Feelings: Expressing love or affection towards you might trigger feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or anger in the alienating parent, leading to further manipulation and attempts to poison the child against you.
In essence, the alienated child is caught in a web of emotional manipulation, fear, and confusion. While your intentions are pure and genuine, your child’s perception is heavily influenced by the distorted narrative created by the alienating parent. It requires great patience, empathy, and understanding of the pathology to unravel the layers of manipulation and pave the way for healing and reconciliation.
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