Narcissists want people to like them. One way of doing this is by creating a fake image appearing to be kind and generous by giving gifts. Narcissists are takers, not givers, so giving is for themselves as a means to an end. Gift giving can also make them feel better about themselves. Don’t be fooled into thinking their motives are genuine. This isn’t their generous nature but simply manipulation to boost their social status and their selfish need for control.
Maybe this is a person at work who has blanked you for weeks and now they’ve bought you and everyone else a gift. You are now feeling torn between a rock and a hard place when this toxic person appears to change from being wicked and nasty into a kind and caring individual bearing gifts ? Do you accept the false generosity or politely refuse? You feel like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t and THEY KNOW THIS.
If you accept the gift even though their behaviour has been somewhat challenging, they will tell everyone how nice they are to you but blame you for being unpleasant to them. If you politely refuse the gift, you are the worst in the world for throwing their generosity back in their face.
So how do you handle this situation ? What is the intent behind the gift? Are there strings attached?
If you take the gift now you may feel indebted to this person in the future. Accepting their gift may be in direct conflict with how you feel about this person.
Is the gift a cover-up, a cover-up for something untoward and unpleasant? ( likely in the case of an unexpected gift from a narcissist). Stand firm and set strong, healthy boundaries. You could say something like, “Thank you very much but I cannot accept your gift.” YOU DO NOT NEED TO GIVE THEM YOUR REASONS. They know.
Anne McCrea
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 