Somebody else needs to hear this…When it comes to being habitually, repetitively and destructively hurt in a relationship, there’s not two but only one way to process it: as the injured person, not as the home psychologist of the perpetrator.
Hurt doesn’t hurt less because the perpetrator had a bad childhood or because the perpetrator claims to be unintentional. Hurt is the effect or impact of unacceptable behavior. Unacceptable behavior is not qualified by the perpetrators intentions or intentionality, unacceptable behavior is qualified by the victim’s pain.
If a person is being pained, harmed, abused, destroyed, cut down and defiled —— mentally, emotionally or physically, the perpetrator’s behavior has to have consequences. Without consequences for repeated, unacceptable and harmful behavior, a perpetrator is taught that their behavior should be accepted, equated with love and owed tolerance. With consequences, a perpetrator has to make a choice, seek help and successfully resolve the inner problems that provoke them to hurt people or be removed. Any other choice breeds contempt for change.
We don’t help someone to get better or do better by absolving them of the responsibilities of love and relationship. Relationship is optional, respect is required —— and their history, insecurity or emotional immaturity does not negate that fact…for a healthy relationship.
Relationship has boundaries, and boundaries aren’t subject to how someone was raised, insecurities or emotional immaturity. Some people will have to grow up, heal or mature before they can be in a healthy relationship. People do better when they know better and learn better…because they want better. The privileges of relationship come with the responsibilities of relationship…and without responsibilities, there is no relationship.
Carry On!
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 