Guilt in the alienated child can block relationship with targeted parent

An alienated child’s guilt can be buried pretty deep. It’s in a dark place, so deep, you feel it doesn’t even exist. They love you (deep down), and although it doesn’t show, and it hurt them too to bury those feelings, this was a survival tactic. They feared total abandonment, and lack of love, they were confused and angered. It all got hidden away. If and when they see you and feel the grief you also suffer, that’s painful for them. Not only this, but all that ‘programming’, all the negative narrative (lies, unproven allegations, false memories) from their ‘aligned’ and apparently loving/protective parent needs a lot of unpacking too. Why would a loving/protective parent do that? Why did they insist on their child rejecting someone (and all the family on that side) they love so very much? It’s a lot for the alienated child to deal with. Deep down, they know the parent they’ve turned against/rejected loves them, and in many instances, I hear often, this is what keeps them going. It’s a huge risk to take, and they rely on that (rejected) parent’s love and resilience. But after so many years of alienation, it is a difficult journey back. They need to feel safe, not judged, loved, and not hated. Guilt and shame are heavy emotions. Those feelings can be unearthed. Guilt says, ‘I did something wrong,’ They might feel sorry and try to repair the damage. Shame says, ‘I’m a bad person’, and they can get stuck in anger, low self-esteem and self-destructive behaviour. It’s a handle-with-care situation. Whenever they come back, we need to understand what they’ve been through and listen with patience, compassion and love. In their own time, they need to unearth those bad feelings and let them go.

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Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser .. View all posts by GreatCosmicMothersUnited