Not Holding Space for Narcisst Distortion by Kim

It’s not our mission in life to hold space for someone’s toxic and abusive behaviors.
This doesn’t help us and it doesn’t help the toxic person.
Instead, we teach them that their seeming positive traits make up for their abuse, giving them no motivation to change.
And if you’re dealing with a narcissist, no amount of self-sacrifice will make a difference.  
Recovery includes learning–perhaps while still trying to function within the relationship–that this sort of behavior pattern likely means change is next to impossible and your efforts to maintain this disruptive relationship will likely never bear fruit for long. 
It means recognizing that, despite your repeated attempts to change yourself or the narcissist, the primary change that’s happening is the loss of your own sense of self, independence, and vitality.
In other words, you are sacrificing yourself in the relationship, not for some greater future reward, but for NOTHING.   Your efforts to maintain the relationship are effectively allowing a dysfunctional person to continue to be dysfunctional, but without suffering the natural consequences of his or her dysfunction (which would be perhaps the first step in their own healing, if it were possible).
Instead, YOU are suffering for them—enabling their continued dysfunction, even while enduring their abuse.  You’ve been acting as a buffer between your abusive partner and reality, and all the rest is just the collateral damage from your own well-meaning, but pointless, self-sacrifice.
This can be a hard pill to swallow because it effectively means giving up hope on both the relationship AND your abusive partner.  Once you’ve realized, however, that the person you thought you loved was merely a phantom conjured up by your abuser in an effort to “hook” you through your heart and manipulate you–THEN your radical acceptance of the truth about your partner puts you one step out the door.
☑️ If you’re just starting on your journey and you’re feeling discouraged, I really want to recommend the 14-day free course to you. Because this will start helping you unpack everything, giving you your life and your hope back.
Grab yours here and begin healing your life in gentle and doable ways:
👉 https://bit.ly/BeginnersRoadmap
Always thinking of you.  Xo
Kim

Author: GreatCosmicMothersUnited

I have joined with many parents affected with the surreal , yet accepted issue of child abuse via Pathogenic Parenting / Domestic abuse. As a survivor of Domestic Abuse, denial abounded that 3 sons were not affected. In my desire to be family to those who have found me lacking . As a survivor of psychiatric abuse, therapist who abused also and toxic prescribed medications took me to hell on earth with few moments of heaven. I will share my life, my experiences and my studies and research.. I will talk to small circles and I will council ; as targeted parents , grandparents , aunts , uncles etc. , are denied contact with a child for reasons that serve the abuser ...further abusing the child. I grasp the trauma and I have looked at the lost connection to a higher power.. I grasp when one is accustomed to privilege, equality can feel like discrimination.. Shame and affluence silences a lot of facts , truths that have been labeled "negative". It is about liberation of the soul from projections of a alienator , and abuser .. View all posts by GreatCosmicMothersUnited