The nature of lying in the context of parental alienation is far more complex and crafty than ordinary dishonesty. It’s a carefully constructed web of deceit designed to distort reality for both the child and the wider world. Alienating parents are skilled manipulators, often displaying traits consistent with narcissistic personality disorder or other serious mental health conditions. They are masters of creating false narratives—convincing others to believe in a twisted version of events that serve only their interests. This is why, despite the lies often being blatant and the emotional damage obvious, they manage to draw others into their delusions. By painting themselves as the “superior” parent, they garner sympathy and support while slowly eroding the child’s ability to trust the targeted parent.
Such lying is deeply pathological. It goes beyond mere deception. Pathogenic lying can become an ingrained part of the alienator’s personality, a coping mechanism that feeds into their need for control, dominance, and/or retribution. When these behaviours are normalised, they might be passed on to the children, who absorb the alienator’s pathology. It becomes a form of intergenerational trauma, where lying and the complete disregard for the targeted parent’s reality are seen as acceptable ways to navigate conflict. Children learn to deny their own perceptions and internalise the alienator’s delusions, which not only harms their relationship with the alienated parent but also distorts their own sense of right and wrong.
This isn’t just harmful on an emotional level; lying also has a profound impact on the brain. Research shows that habitual lying can alter brain structure and function. The more a person lies, the less active the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions and moral behaviour—becomes. This means the liar feels less guilt or discomfort with each new falsehood, making lying easier over time. It’s as if the brain rewires itself to accommodate deceit, numbing the persecutor to the damage they are causing. For children caught in the throes of parental alienation, this means their developing brains are being conditioned to accept lies as a valid coping mechanism, harming their ability to form healthy, trusting relationships in the future.
Family courts and legal professionals often fail to recognise the full extent of this psychological warfare. Instead, they take a superficial view of the situation, believing the alienator’s carefully curated version of events. When courts claim to be acting in the “best interests of the child” while ignoring the trauma inflicted by the alienating parent’s lies, they are perpetuating the problem. It’s a systemic failure that results in the legal system effectively siding with the abuser, enabling the alienator to continue their campaign of deceit and abuse unchecked.
For the alienating parent, the law is simply another tool to manipulate. They believe they are above accountability, and this perceived invincibility only emboldens them further. They don’t just lie to the targeted parent—they lie to the courts, to mental health professionals, and to anyone who might expose them. They do so with a brazenness that defies logic, because they know they are rarely held to account.
Dealing with people like this is extraordinarily difficult. But we must remember that while we can’t control their behaviour, we can control ours. No matter how tempting it is to mirror their tactics in our desperation, we must never lower ourselves to their level. We have to focus on our own well-being, keeping our minds and hearts clear, so that we remain the loving, consistent parent our children can look to—now or in the future—as a role model of strength, integrity, and truth. Because the greatest victory is not in proving them wrong; it’s in staying true to who we are, refusing to be like them, and letting our children see, whether near or far, what real love and honesty look like.
#charliemccready
#parentalalienationcoach
#alienatedparent
#coercivecontrol
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