YOU DO NOT “ATTRACT” ABUSE
We may, through no fault of our own, have been conditioned to believe that we are basically inferior, flawed, wrong, bad, or broken at our core, and therefore we cannot trust our own internal guidance system.
We may, through no fault of our own, be somewhat out of touch with our own intuition, our deepest truth, the Knowing in our guts.
We may, therefore, through no fault of our own, be drawn to narcissistic, charismatic, manipulative beings—friends, partners, family members, spiritual teachers, therapists, leaders.
Why? Their treatment of us, and others, feels… so… familiar.
They feel close, like family.
Like mummy. Like daddy.
We ‘know’ them. Their manipulative patterns, however harmful, are known to us, predictable, ‘safe’.
Their ways feel like… home.
Their control and abuse feel like… love.
Or at least, what we sadly have come to expect of love.
We do not ‘attract’ abuse, no matter what the new-age spiritualities and pop psychologies tell us. Abuse and violence are never our fault, and we never deserve it. Nobody does.
But we may, through no fault of our own, ignore our deepest feelings, our boundaries, our authentic yearnings, our alarm bells and red flags, our authentic doubts and discernments, and suppress that wise, loving inner voice that says, “You deserve much, much better than this.”
Or even, “Get out.”
When we are disconnected from our deepest sense of self-worth and sovereignty, we may, in some cases, ‘allow’ others to treat us badly, overstep our boundaries, intrude, and objectify.
We may silence our NO. We may tolerate certain behaviors, not speak up or fight back (and I acknowledge that in some cases it is utterly impossible to fight back, and we are intelligent to keep ourselves safe in any way we can).
We are wired to stay with the “safety” of what we know, with the familiar, with the original ‘family’, and the original ‘sin’ (mythologically speaking).
Our nervous systems are literally trying to spare us from the perceived danger of change, of leaving the pack, and setting off on our own. We tend to cling to what we know, even if it’s harming us.
This is the legacy of trauma.
And then, one day, we begin to wake up. We finally begin to listen to that inner NO, and we forge ahead towards the true safety… of the Unknown and the Unexplored.
It takes immense courage to speak up. It takes immense courage to leave a guru, an abusive partner, a family member, or a cult. It takes immense courage to finally honor what our guts have been telling us for so long. To listen to our deepest inner guidance, and express our authentic anger. To listen to our loving inner parent, and to honour and protect our precious inner child.
We do not ‘attract’ abuse.
We are not, through any fault of our own, ‘manifesting’ maltreatment, or even ‘evil’, through negative vibrations or through our misaligned or wrong feelings or thoughts.
We may, however, be silencing the holy scream in our guts, the sacred rage of the inner child, the part of us that KNOWS. Therein lies our power and our healing. Whatever has been suppressed can be expressed again, and whatever has been shut down can blossom once more.
Break down some walls.
Offend some people.
Make a mess.
Speak your truth.
When you are ready.
And not a moment before.
- Jeff Foster
GreatCosmicMothersUnite 