Psychological Splitting – Charlie McCarthy

Psychological splitting, also known as “splitting,” is a defence mechanism employed by an alienated child to cope with the trauma of parental alienation. This occurs when the child is coerced and subjected to unbearable pressure, similar to psychological terrorism, into believing that a previously loved parent is bad and must be rejected. The child feels torn between two opposing realities: the love they once had for the rejected parent and the need to please and pacify the aligned, ‘favoured’ alienating parent.⁠

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Despite the alienation, the child may know deep down that their rejected parent loves them and is there for them. They may have fond memories of the loving relationship they once shared, and on a subconscious level, they may retain a sense of the parent’s care and support. However, the overwhelming influence of the controlling, alienating parent causes them to suppress these feelings, creating confusion and doubt.⁠

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On a deeper level, splitting reflects the child’s alienation from their authentic self, as they are compelled to live someone else’s beliefs and thoughts to survive. The child becomes enmeshed in the parent’s trauma story, losing their sense of self.⁠

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As the healthy-minded, alienated parent, it is essential to understand that the child’s splitting is a manifestation of their coping strategy and not a true reflection of their feelings towards you. Although you may feel confused, angry, and grief-stricken, it’s crucial not to let these emotions hinder your recovery. It is challenging for the child to “de-programme” once they’ve split, and pushing them to accept your defence or truth may further distance them. They are already grappling with shame, guilt, and confusion, so it may be best not to mention parental alienation directly.⁠

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Understanding the phenomenon of psychological splitting can help recognise parental alienation’s impact on the child and how they may still harbour love and attachment to the rejected parent beneath the surface. ⁠

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